Four months may seem like not a big deal, but I’ve never thought I’ll be able to do it.

It was challenging, I was addicted to self-harm for 1.5 years. I almost relapsed two times. However, I've been on medication, and my therapist has worked with me on active breathing exercises to stop myself from this. My depression is not gone, and everything still looks dark, but I don’t feel so desperate and irreparable as before. My small achievement going for so long (since 09/02/23) without self-harming motivates me to continue using my coping mechanisms and do all I can to pull through.

A few days before my period, I always have extreme mood shifts and cry a lot. But now I tell myself that my feelings of unhappiness and emptiness are a normal body’s reaction, and nothing’s wrong. I harmed myself because I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so glad that I finally understand some underlying processes of my mental condition. I know I will have to continue fixing myself for a long, long time, but I'm happy that I have made some progress.

Thank you, I just wanted to share this :)

Reaching out for emotional support isn’t the problem, it’s people not understanding or making my situation about them that stops me. Thanks to therapy and support groups I was able to overcome parts of my struggle with hyper independence, but continuously receiving the response of others either affirming me in my resilience due to the approach I take when facing adversities or them having their own burdens, it prompts me to isolate.

I appreciate people commending my determination and ability to see the good in bad, but there are moments where I want to vent my frustrations without being reminded I’m “strong.” I know it’s done in good faith and most times it does help, however I rarely have the space to truly BREAK DOWN and feel everything in full. Because I still have difficulties being emotionally vulnerable, even with close loved ones, I will resort to texting the crisis line or other coping mechanisms before anything.

Whether I’m engaging in art therapy, journaling, breathing exercises or producing music to process and express what I’m feeling, it’s done because I’m yet to find someone who can provide emotional support in a way that’s satisfying for me. I know that I’m loved, cared for and supported by many people but that doesn’t change the loneliness I occasionally experience.

These past 2 almost 3 years it’s been me, myself and I. I’m constantly working, constantly looking out for myself. Of course I’ve had support from others that encouraged me to press on but on a deeper level, beside the one person I was forced to go no contact with, I’ve had no one. I’m beyond grateful for everything I have while working toward what I want, but I’m exhausted.

I’m tired of looking over my shoulder every 2 seconds because I’m still being stalked, I’m overwhelmed with continuously fighting the same issues and I’m exasperated with the lack of support. Even with how overworked I am I can’t cry and I hate it. I want to cry more than anything but because my body doesn’t feel safe enough it won’t let me. Truth be told I never expected living long enough to see adulthood because of bad my upbringing was but here I am.

Most days I wake up with hope in my heart and joy in my body. I choose to let love lead me and I extend kindness where I can. But there’s days like today where anxiety sits in my chest and fatigue has me feeling partially dissociated. I know today will be good because my partner and I are celebrating our anniversary by picking apples and making cider, and the week ahead is going to be just as great, but it’s processing the information of how progressively worse my health is getting and I have no one to confide in hurts.

Hi. I am a 22 year old depressed girl hoping to find some help here. 3 years back I was doing a couple of neck and jaw exercises. Something went wrong there and as a result I developed breathing problems, muscle problems and swallowing difficulties. I told my parents about my symptoms without telling them the cause of the onset [which I think are the exercises]. I've veen to a couple of doctors and I don't have the courage to tell then what happened. I just tell them about my symptoms and they say I have GAD. Even my mother, who should act as a support system for me, continuously breaks my soul by saying it's nothing and all of this is in my head. I was the perfect ideal girl but now I've grown thin and weak with bones sticking to my body. Everyone just comments on how thin I've become but doesn't look into why this is happening. Everyday I muster up the courage to get me through the day as my condition prevents me from doing any kind of work be it standing or sitting for long periods, leave physical exertion alone. I have no one to talk to and I cry everyday. I feel like my body is giving up on me and I won't be able to hold on anymore.

Has anyone ever experienced their body shutting down out of the blue, seemingly for no reason? Like you’re going through an attack, but it’s not how panic attacks are usually described (hyperventilation, breathing fast, etc.), it’s the opposite. It has happened about 5 times to me, always in the evening when I’m preparing for sleep or am lying in bed. I noticed it starts with this weird tingling feeling that I associate with intense physical efforts like running a marathon, when the last bits of energy are floating out of you and the body is preparing to get a deserved rest. But it doesn’t feel like drifting to sleep. My body sorta freezes while my mind is still fully awake and I can sorta watch my body from above. I can feel my breathing getting slower by the minute, and I instinctively begin to breathe through my mouth for fear of being choked from no oxygen. I try to keep my eyes open because I’m scared that if I fall asleep in such a state I’ll certainly die… Yet my brain is willing to go into sleep mode, which makes me fight with myself and fight with this terror that something’s wrong with my body. My vision gets blurry and my head lightheaded. If I try to get up and walk the room I can’t fully shake off the dizziness and extreme anxiety akin to panic (but again, not quite), the room sorta zooming away from me. I can’t describe it in any other way but tunnel vision as I can’t focus on anything in the room besides what’s right in front of me. My hearing gets muddied and I eventually have to sit back or lie down on the bed because otherwise I’ll pass out.

I’m seriously scared there might be something wrong, and not only with my mind. I wonder if this could be disassociation gone too far or some sort of a pre-stroke condition? It makes me dizzy and nauseated, and I’m scared to fall asleep for many more hours afterwards. The last time this happened during the day when I was about to lie down and watch movies for a couple of hours. Basically, it always happens when I’m about to relax, nothing seemingly worrying me, that’s why I’m positive it’s not a panic attack.

Can it be the body’s reaction to stress? The first two times when it happened I was staying with my stepparent who is going through rehabilitation after surgery, and those were super stressful days and nights. I thought it might be my body’s way to tell me it needs a rest or some medical help. However, I’m on antianxiety meds now, and it happened three more times since. I would really like it to go away, it scares the shit out of me. Am I the only one with these weird conditions??