this past February, a friend of mine whom I have known since childhood abruptly decided to “take a step back” from our friendship saying we had grown apart. I know that happens a lot of times, but it doesn’t make me any less sad. Because I feel like his girlfriend caused all of this. Which is strange because I met her once and we were fine. He and I were never in a romantic relationship. We had always been friends. I never had a problem with him dating other women. I haven’t contacted him since except on his birthday when I sent him a message on Facebook saying happy birthday, which he liked. This past week I learned from Facebook that he and his girlfriend I’ve gotten married and I had no idea. I wasn’t even invited. I feel angry and hurt but at the same time I still see him as a friend. I want to send him and his new wife a Christmas card in the spirit of the season, even if we’re not that close anymore. All I was going to write was “merry Christmas” and “happy newlyweds”. Yet, I don’t know if I really should. Should I?
I understand your hesitation completely. While I've never experienced exactly this, I think sending a Christmas card shows real grace. These small gestures can keep a door open without pressure. You're choosing kindness despite feeling hurt, and that says a lot about you. Whether he responds or not, you'll know you acted from a place of goodwill. When did you last feel truly at peace with how things were between you two?
I too believe sending a card would be a lovely gesture. The holidays are indeed a perfect time for such things. Your approach seems very balanced: acknowledging both their marriage and the season without dwelling on the past. It's natural to feel hurt about the wedding, but your response shows real maturity
Relationships often have seasons, and while this one has changed, your memories are still very real. The fact that you're considering this shows you've processed things well. I think your friend would appreciate the gesture, even if the response isn't immediate. Trust your instinct on this one,love
The simplest gestures carry the most weight, so I say do it! Think of it as leaving a door open without expectation. What do you think sending this card would represent for you personally?
Going through something similar right now actually. My best friend from college basically disappeared after getting married last year. It hurts like hell, especially during holidays, because we used to plan trips together. I think sending a card is fine. I honestly believe some people just get so wrapped up in their new life that they forget how to balance old relationships. I hope that oe day they'll realize what they've lost, but maybe they won't. But at least you'll know you stayed true to yourself
@IAmScared Yeah, it really does suck. I went through something similar with my best friend. We used to hang out every weekend, and now we barely text once a year. It's weird how life just pulls people in different directions. Some people get married and make new friends through their spouse. Others move away for work and build a whole new life
I miss the old days when we could just show up at each other's houses without calling first. Now everyone needs to plan weeks ahead just to grab coffee. But I guess that's just how growing up works. We all change and find new paths. I still keep our old photos though
@IAmScared My phone keeps showing me memories from years ago. Pictures of birthday parties where we all squeezed into one photo. My social media feels like a completely different world rn. These days I'm lucky if I see my best friends twice a year. My friend group chat that used to blow up with messages is now just sharing memes once in a while. But hey, at least we're not alone in feeling this way. Seems like everyone is going through the same thing
@Leroy You really get it. It's exactly like that 😢 I remember when we could just call someone at 2 AM because we couldn't sleep. Now everyone's too busy or too tired. My friend used to love spontaneous road trips. We'd just get in the car and drive somewhere random. Now she needs to check with her husband first. And yeah, planning ahead is such a pain. I tried organizing a game night last month. Took three weeks just to find a date that worked for everyone. Half of them cancelled last minute anyway
@Leroy Social media is wild now. Everyone's either getting married, having kids, or posting about their amazing careers. I scroll through and feel like I'm the biggest loser lmao. Makes me wonder what happened to just hanging out and doing nothing
@IAmScared I feel your pain every time I go on social media. Everyone seems to be leading these perfect lives and I want to have a perfect life, but I wanna do it my way you deep down. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect life, and that social media can be very deceiving.
I know I might be the odd one out here 🤔 but I really don't think you should send that card. Here's why - when someone shows you who they are and what they think of you, believe them. Your friend made it very clear they wanted space, and then they didn't invite you to their wedding. That says a lot
I've been in your shoes before, and I kept trying to be the bigger person. But being the bigger person means respecting yourself enough to walk away. You're worth more than chasing after someone who didn't even think to include you in their special day
We hold onto friendships because of how long we've known someone, not because of how they treat us now
I know everyone's saying it's nice to be kind, but sometimes it's better to be kind to yourself first. Put that energy into people who actually want you in their lives. Make new friends who value you. Focus on relationships where you don't have to question whether you should send a simple card or not
Save that Christmas card for someone who makes an effort to keep you in their life. You deserve friends who don't make you question your place in their life 🤗
@Shelly I I’m only doing this in the spirit of good well during the holiday season I don’t expect a response back at all. I have other friends, but I don’t even know if they want me either lately. It just feels like no one wants me. 😔
@Shelly Some people deserve second chances and some don’t.
it all depends on how you see the perspective. If someone really didn’t mean to hurt you then maybe they don’t deserve a second chance, but if someone hasn’t changed at all and never well then maybe it’s a good thing to cut them out of your life. That’s just what I have to say
@Shelly I respectfully disagree with you. Life is more complicated than just cutting people off. I've seen many friendships go through phases, especially when big life changes happen. Marriage can be one of those weird transition periods where people temporarily lose touch but find their way back. I actually reconnected with my childhood best friend after 5 years of barely talking. We both got married around the same time, didn't attend each other's weddings, but now we're closer than ever. People just need space to figure out their new normal. Life isn't always black and white
@amymac I actually agree with you, but I just am not the person who gives others second chances, so that's where I'm coming from. I actually appreciate your optimism 🌱 It's making me think about how maybe there's room for both perspectives, being protective of our energy while still leaving room for life's surprises
Relationships are complicated, aren't they? Life has this way of taking people in different directions. The card idea is thoughtful, it shows you can rise above hurt feelings. From experience, I can say that sometimes maintaining even a tiny connection can lead to reconnection years later. TRUST ME! I'm curious, how would sending this card make you feel about yourself?
@Constance M. I’m not sure I guess it would make me feel like I’m doing something nice in the spirit of peace and good well during the holiday season
I would be so happy to get a card if I was him, and I usually send holiday wishes even to those I'm no longer close to
hi friend ❤️ i actually think it's really beautiful that even after feeling hurt, your first instinct is to want to send them good wishes. here's what i think: sending a simple christmas card isn't crossing any boundaries. it's just a nice gesture that shows you've accepted the new situation but still wish them well. the fact that you're keeping it short and sweet with just "merry christmas" and congratulations is perfect, it's respectful of the distance they've created while still being friendly.
but here's the important part: do it only if it makes you feel good ❗️ don't do it because you feel you have to, or because you're hoping for something in return. do it because it aligns with who you are and your values. whatever you decide to do, just remember - their actions reflect on them, not on you. you sound like a really thoughtful person who values relationships, and that's something to be proud of 🌟
@gracey agreed. I think sending the card would be lovely. Keep it simple and warm, just as you planned. Your message sounds perfect. The thing about friendships is that they can evolve and change shape over time
I've been on both sides of this situation. When I got married, I had to make tough choices about the guest list, and some old friends didn't make the cut. It wasn't personal, I promise. We just wanted a very small ceremony with people from both sides of our family. Your idea about the Christmas card is solid, no need to overthink it. What matters most right now is protecting your own peace of mind. Have you decided anything yet?
@maldonadobrenda I have decided to write the card, but I’m scared. I mean all I’m trying to do is wish someone a merry Christmas and offer my congratulations, but I don’t want anyone to think that I’m stalking them which I am not
@megan kohler I don't think this will come across as stalking at all and I would be very happy to get a card from an old friend. But I get you, I overthink this kind of stuff a lot
Having been married for 13 years and seeing many friendships evolve, I can tell you that relationships often shift when people get married. It's painful, yes, but it's also a natural part of life. While your friend's approach wasn't the most tactful, try not to assume the worst about his girlfriend (now wife). People just grow in different directions. And yeah, I think you can send that Christmas card