Don’t give up. Confronting those things that terrify you will ultimately help you in the end.
Sorry, I’m not quite sure about your age? Are you studying at school?
hey, mate. My life used to be very much like yours. I had no friends and hellish family. I also developed some sort of Internet addiction as it’s really hard to make real friends. I completely identify with how you've described your feelings of emptiness and void from these shallow communications. Even though I’m grateful I have them. I tend to spend more time in professional online communities now. That at least gives me some extra personal development. And don’t be sad you can’t drink or smoke. You’re actually doing yourself and your brain a big favor. Twenty years from now all those you study with will be addicts one way or another. Stay away from substances!
@Samantha No, Im a first year student at uni. I’m younger than almost everyone in my university classes so it’s hard to find my kind of people
Don't despair, things will get better. Switch off your phone or whatever device you’re using and think what you’d really like to do with your life. Try to get out and around people. The more social interactions you have daily, the more you’ll adjust, and it’ll become easier to make genuine friends. Don’t compare yourself to those happy TikTokers. What they’re showing to the world is not always real too, it’s an ideal life, but in reality everyone feels loneliness at some point, no matter how many friends and family members we have. Stay positive :)
Internet is what makes us lonely. You need to come out of your shell. It’s impossible to meet people sitting at home. Outdoor activities are perfect for meeting someone new while doing something cool. You probably have a swimming pool and / or a gym for students. That can be an ideal first step.
@pixeltroll Great, now I have some context. I agree, it’s very hard to find like-minded people even at a later age. But there are 7 billion people in the world. There must be folks you’ll be comfortable around among all those people. Never give up! If you don’t connect with the peers you’re studying with, there are many other students on campus. What if some of them love watching anime too? Or you could organize a video game battle in the dorm! OK, maybe organizing is a bit too much, but you could join some clubs according to your hobbies, like a computer club etc. Go to a few of them, test the waters, if you don’t like it there you can quit any time. Never doubt that you already have everything inside you to change your life!
@Anonymous Allow me to disagree. Internet is a tool, and you can choose how to use it. You actually can use it to facilitate meetings between real people. I met my two best friends while searching for a travelling companion online.
I felt lonely in my new school too. I started playing a guitar (well still learning to play) and it keeps me sane. Lots of tutorials on YouTube. I dream to have my own band. I also play computer games and I like to walk around my neighborhood. My advice would be to find hobbies that will turn your loneliness into a productive time that you can learn to enjoy.
You just need to have a presence outside your university. Join some sort of organization dedicated to an activity you find interesting. That'll put you near a lot of people with shared interests, which is the easiest way to make friends with new people. Volunteering is a superhero skill. I’ve just come from a professional conference (computer related) where I volunteered my time in exchange for getting to know lots of smart people from all over the world. Just think about what interests you right now, then google it and volunteering opportunities around it. Good luck!
@Samantha I have a very strong fear of rejection. I can’t randomly strike a conversation, it freaks me out and I don’t know what to say. For example, I know that a guy who often sits next to me is fond of manga, I like it too. Yet I can’t make myself tell him this.
It takes time to make anyone a good friends and to create meaningful relationship. According to research it takes 45- 50 hours at least to shift from acquaintances to causal friends.
To make friends these are few strategies to help you :
You also need to meet a therapist who can help you with the part of how in your childhood those thoughts of anxiety that have been ingrained in your mind by observing things around or seeing your mother. It just requires unlearning few things in the past to move ahead in your life.
Loneliness can be hard to deal with with, but you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are ways to address these feelings and build meaningful connections. Sometimes it can be easier to fall back into familiar coping behaviors like excessive social media use, because it feels comfortable and safe. However, avoiding loneliness in this way only makes it worse in the long run.
It is important to fully experience the feelings in order to understand what you need in the moment. You can do this by drawing the feelings, writing in a journal, making poems, singing, dancing, going for a reflective jog, or even just crying. Sometimes just letting the feeling be there allows it to slowly start passing on its own. Focus on yourself and identify what you need and what you can do for yourself. For example, if you have a need for connection, belonging, or understanding, explore other activities that can help - like reading a related book, looking at or making art, or visiting online forums that share your interests. Also consider what is important to you about connecting with someone - do you want to be heard, supported, have meaningful conversations, spend fun time together, or all of the these? Do you prefer having a few close friends or a large social circle? Are you more comfortable in one-on-one or group settings? Answering these questions can help you find the right environment to develop new friendships.
It's also worth exploring what makes real life interactions more anxiety-provoking than virtual ones. If it's a fear of rejection, examine where that comes from. Notice anxious thoughts when you're in social situations and record them later to identify patterns. Then try challenging these unhelpful thoughts by considering facts that don't align with the beliefs. For example, if you feel not good enough, take time to build a more positive self-image and remind yourself of your strengths.
We all have qualities to share with others - emotional support, humor, knowledge, interests. So make a list about about strengths and qualities that you like about yourself - it doesn't have to be extraordinary. Perhaps, you have a good music taste, you're a good listener, you know interesting facts, you're good at cooking something. By the way, it can even be the fact you know a lot about mangas, video games or anime! You can focus on one of your strength and see how you can build upon it and make it bigger. For example, if you like music and already know some chords on guitar, think about developing this skill. Achieving something, however small, can also positively affect your self-esteem. That's why it's very helpful to have hobbies that you can expess yourself through.
Building connections takes effort but it is within our control. You don't have to force yourself out of your comfort zone, but you can do it gradually. An example of this: reaching out to someone online through a shared interest forum. You can start with a small talk, getting to know them, then suggest an online activity to do together like watching a movie and discussing it. If this person is local, suggest meeting in real life when you feel comfortable enough. In your university, you may start with approaching someone with a question about a subject, for example, or offering your help.
It's important to find an environment that is comfortable enough for you too meet new people. Consider looking for communities you can join in a long term, based on your interests - like a hobby-based community, a discussion club, a movie club.
Therapy can also be a great way to connect with someone in a safe environment, learn healthy communicating patterns and bring this knowledge into your life.