Hello my name is KJ and my birthgiver will go by the name of George for this.. So here is some background information…
I’m 27 years old and George is 56 years old. I have lived my entire life with George and her parents (my nana and papa). At the age of 14 I met this young man who was 13 years old at the time and in a horrible situation… it ended up working out that it was best that this young man came and lived with us. Once this young man was 19 years old; he decided to inform/ask if he could be in a relationship with George. For the last 8 years George and this young man have been together and now are planning their marriage. Their wedding day is coming up in 3 weeks. Also for background purposes I would like to stat that this young man was my boyfriend at one time when we first met and he is the man that abused me for years while he was still in his teenage years.
So, this last Friday afternoon George took me for lunch and we had a conversation about our relationship going forward. I stated some things about my past and she did apologize for some things and just that was so overwhelming. Than we got onto the topic of how I pushed George away for years and she finally admitted that she gave up on me. That’s where things fell awkward and we finished up lunch and left. Saturday I just simply took the day to process and reflected on what was said on Friday at our lunch. Sunday I finally decided that I was going to message George. I send this… “Mom, as I've been reflecting on our conversation from Friday at lunch, I feel it's important for our relationship to progress slowly from this point forward. I believe it's crucial for you to start your own healing journey by seeking help from a licensed therapist specializing in trauma therapy. You deserve to heal from your childhood wounds and gain insight into mental health to better support yourself and others. I love you deeply, and you'll always be my mom, but I refuse to let negativity control our relationship. I want to build a strong connection with you, but it's your actions and reactions that will shape our future together. If you have any feedback or thoughts, please feel free to share them with me. Our relationship isn't about anyone else but us, though I'll respect your wishes regarding Nana as she does live under your roof. Let's work towards a healthier, happier bond together.” This led to an entire conversation about how I should have known her schedule and I should have chosen a better time to have this conversation… now keep in mind that I sent that message at 4:50pm and I do know that at that time it is dinner time there so I wasn’t expecting a response right away. I stated that I am not in control of her actions and she simply could have said that she was busy and that she would message me when she isn’t busy. At this point George proceeded to say that I would have guilted her or something… our conversation turned into how she doesn’t respect my boundaries and how I wish her to seek professional help from a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma work… George seemed to get really upset with that request… which led to her saying that she doesn’t believe in any of my mental diagnoses and such … finally our conversation finished with George telling me that I should look into my own personal records… so now I’m unsure what to do; I don’t know what else to say to George… does anyone have any advice or suggestions?
