Hi, is George going into counseling your main concern at this moment? Do you believe it will improve your relationship?
From what you’ve revealed, I find it troubling that she acts in such a way as if she is some sort of victim, and you’re required to apologize for things like sending messages at the wrong time. It’s not what I would call a healthy dynamic in a relationship. Therapy may help with many things, but it's not a magic bullet, and I think, it won't help if a person in therapy doesn't sincerely want to change :(
You did the right thing by expressing your feelings and setting expectations for how you want the relationship to progress.👍🏼 If I were you, I’d give George some space to process your message. Maybe she needs more than one day. ;) It looks like there are deep-seated issues that both of you need to work through, and it's okay to take things slowly. It’s not quite clear what mental diagnoses George was talking about. Still, I’ll allow myself to say that it might be useful for you to seek support from a therapist or counselor too, for your own benefit. You might try family therapy, perhaps George will be more open to starting with you.
@su sophy I'm of the same opinion. I spent two years pushing my aunt’s mother into therapy which only complicated things between us. As much as we want to help, we can't control the reactions or feelings of other people. And older generations do not believe in therapy...
@aggravated1 People often have their own reasons for resisting help.
How would you feel if someone told you to go to the doctor when you didn't feel like it?
It's understandable that people may react defensively.
Sometimes people act like children and need literally to be taken by the hand and led to the doctor. Yes, it’s a lot of trouble, and it’s your choice whether to get involved in it.
@irrelevant I rely on common sense. If someone tells me I need help, I will at least stop to think about it. No matter how much effort you put into it, ultimately, it's up to other people to make that decision and seek help.
Dear author, I personally think that you must prioritize your own well-being. If your mother is not receptive to seeking help, there’s nothing you can do. I also think that your mother is acting irresponsibly if she knows she is marrying someone who has abused you. You are a very forgiving person, but I can’t see why you would choose your mother’s happiness over your own.
I’ve been where you are, not literally, of course, but emotionally for sure. If you are sure that you want to improve your relationship, then continue to share your feelings with George in a calm and assertive manner and be patient about her not understanding your needs right away. You should be prepared to be open to listening and understanding her perspective, even if it differs from your own.
Really? I’m surprised at all the comments. Why hasn’t anyone said George is displaying selfish and destructive behavior? She clearly lacks maturity and chooses her own comfort over everything else. Even though I don’t know the whole situation, I don’t need the details to see that the author here is showing angelic patience and a desire to build a bond despite all the past wounds. This is truly amazing! If someone, even my close relative, showed such a blatant disregard for MY emotional needs, I’d go no contact right away…
@The_MD_Alister Well, not everyone is like you. Isn’t it obvious that she deeply loves her mother? It’s in the message.
IMHO the right thing to do now is to distance yourself from George and allow her to think it all over. When *she* comes to you to talk, she’ll be ready. Right now all you’ll get is disappointment and pain.
Hi, KJ. I'm sorry to say this but George shows all the signs of a narcissist. When you open up about your feelings to them, they will always turn it around and blame you, and you'll end up feeling guilty. I’m not sure therapy will work in her case.
Perhaps you should focus on changing your own mindset about her instead of getting her to change; it might be more realistic.
Hi,
The conversation you had with George made her to apologise for the things that happened before. That's good but here as you said things fell awkward and you ended it that way and left. now after that if you send her she needs therapist she may take it in a more defensive way as the conversation between you both did not end in a great note. She may things you are trying to blame her completely for the mistakes happened in the past which may have hurt her pride and esteem. It is to be best deal with this situation in person and talk about it than suggesting therapy through message.
It is good that you care for her so much but sometimes things like this when said in a message may make a person feel dismissed, offended, displeased, defensive and aggressive.
You could let the matter rest for some time so that she can also process the information. later on meet her and speak to her in person about this. Make her understand that you suggested her a therapist from the approach of love, care towards her. You cant force her to take help but you can only suggest.