Grieving my partner's father's death

I still can’t process how all this happened so quickly and it’s going to be now 24 hrs in few hours now but i still can’t believe this happened. My partner has been one of the best soul i have met in my life and he is such a pure soul, and kindest person i won’t lie probably i am not that kind i feel that sometimes. I met his father once and i won’t lie but his father has been so sweet so knowledgeable and a very simple person honestly. He recently had Heart’s by pass surgery in May and he was recovering well then few days back he actually got infection in kidney and liver and the timing was so bad i was in city with my partner but i was afraid to travel alone so i asked for him to come to our home city where we live and then go but later only few hours back i told him to go like i seriously was forcing him to go but he didn’t and when we were about to go for security check in he got the call from his mom that his father got cardiac arrest and he has to come soon and he immediately left. And i had to come back though i was not willing to leave him alone still with heavy heart and lots of prayers i even told my mom to pray (i told that he is a friend of mine) and whole flight I was praying… and when i landed and i switched on the phone and i saw this message that he is no more… i can’t even say how it felt to me i felt it can’t be true…. Like he was recovering so well and was about to get discharged and everything was going so good but then everything gone… he got 1 cardiac arrest and he survived that but in 30 mins again he got another one and he couldn’t survive that… I am here alone in my apartment i had plans to shift to that new city and look up for career and i was so happy before and now i am literally blaming myself. I mean i can’t even imagine how my partner is managing himself right now. But honestly neither his father nor him deserved this punishment…. Also my partner couldn’t get to see him as the moment he reached his father was already gone. I won’t lie but i am really feeling so pathetic and i feel it’s all cause of me… like why did i asked for help why i didn’t forced him to go like literally pushed him more and many what ifs…. And god or any supreme power whatever is there please give much strength to him and his mom… And i know his dad would be one of the most brightest star out there i know 100%. And i am truly sorry i know i made a terrible mistake…

I know whoever read this might be hating me to the core and would blame me and i know it’s totally correct too…. I am probably the worst partner….

I hope his father his mother and him i hope you all forgive me someday by heart…!! I know sorry can’t change anything but i truly never wanted this and I am so sorry!!!