Felt this! Can totally relate. I actually gave up on dating for a while, since I couldn’t focus on anything else. It’s an all-consuming mentality. Perhaps if I find someone like me and we both have similar strong emotions about the amount of needed communication, it’ll be easier. I’ve never known this is typical for people with ADHD.
I used to be like you when I was younger, but I think in my case it had more to do with self-esteem issues. Today I know that relationships must not consume me. Whenever I catch myself relying too much on someone else and being dependent on them, I quickly occupy myself with other things: chores, cooking, work, going out with friends. On top of just not wanting anyone to have that much control over me, my experience showed that men tend to like you more when they have to make some efforts to conquer you. Being an easy target is not in your best interests.
So put that phone off and allow him to wait for you while you’re busy doing the things you like!
Is this called hyperfixation? I always do this at the beginning of any relationship. I usually obsess more about the image of that person in my head, focusing on their best parts. Because I think about them so much, in reality I’m not so intense. Perhaps sometimes people don’t even realize how much I think about them. However, once the first period of romanticizing is over and I get to know the person better, they always differ from the image in my head. My brain kind of finally registers all their qualities, and not only the good ones. That often results in me losing interest completely.
You should do something to control your dopamine levels. ADHD medications will do the trick, or anything else that gives you a boost of dopamine.
Same story. I haven’t found a way to completely fix this, but when it happens to me I try to put my relationship with a person and my feelings for them in two different folders. So I zone out of the whole infatuation with the person thing, and make my mind to think like this: OK, this person is good. And here are my feelings, I feel love. Right now it’s about this person, but it may be about someone else later. It’s not about them. It’s about me, I am having these emotions and I’ll keep them to myself. That way I allow myself to fixate on my emotions, but I don’t share much of it with anyone and thus avoid many potentially embarrassing situations.
This is so much like me, all the time. The fact that I’m a married woman doesn’t help. I do this with any new people I like. I’d invest 100% of my time into our friendship and expect the same from people, and if they cancel plans or can’t answer to my messages, I feel annoyed and angry. Then I berate myself for caring so much in the first place.
Just tell yourself you won’t allow even the loveliest person to make or break your day. You should connect with people on your terms and not spend your minutes waiting for them to begin a conversation. Allow yourself to do what you want and don’t have unrealistic expectations. Tell that special guy how you feel about him not answering back sooner. Be honest about it. If he’s your man, he’ll show it. And if not, well, the sooner you know the better.
I’ve experienced this many times. I don’t believe there’s a cure, only therapy and lots of work on yourself and your self-value. You can also use your hyperfixation as a strength and turn it onto your awesome self!
ADHD person mind will always be running laps around the same track. So its no wonder you will be obsessing and ruminating. The more you ignore these thoughts the more persistent they become. So start journaling. Put these thoughts down on a paper. writing process will help you understand your self conscious beliefs that could be cause of your concern. Like when you write down that you are constantly checking your phone now you write down why do you do that? what will happen if he doesnt reply? is adhd which makes me feel like that or is something else happened in the past which makes me doubt, or makes me question the relationship or distrust if he doesnt respond?
Be honest with him about your struggles and what you are working on so that he can understand at the beginning stage itself.
You need to do something intense to distract your mind. like playing a video game or watching something or just stepping out and being part of some club where your attention is 100 percent captivated.
You can say a short mantra to yourself every time you get anxious like he is loveable, he always takes time to reply , he has always been like that so relax.
Mindfulness meditation works. You have messaged him but he has not responded and now your mind would only be stuck with the thought of when will he reply, what is he doing, why is he not replying, constantly checking your notification or re reading the conversation then you need to just calm down. Sit in silence and focus on your breath. count how many times you breathe in and how many second you can hold your breath and how long can you breathe out.
You also need to work on your self esteem so that you don't depend on him. You need to write down at least 5 positive qualities about you everyday describing in detail and along with it write down as a girl friend or partner how positively would you contribute for a relationship like i am always available for him, i am loving it. Notice and be self aware of your qualities and be proud of who you are.