After some thought and heavy consideration, Iāve made the difficult decision to disconnect from the few people I wanted to call friends. Not because of trivial matters like petty drama or an extreme fallout, but simply because Iāve outgrown them and want to surround myself with different people.
While reflecting, Iāve come to realise a lot of the connections made were built on the foundation of trauma, common interests such as art, anime and general creativity aside. Prior to therapy and support workshops Iād meet people online and in fandom spaces where we bonded over traumatic events in our lives, but over the years Iāve found myself becoming distant.
Iām constantly working to improve myself and my situation, and as Iām navigating different challenges Iām learning something new every day. I have so much love and care for the people I called friends but it doesnāt seem like theyāre ready to tackle their hardships head on. And thatās okay, but I want to be surrounded by people who are just as motivated to change the course of their lives as I am.
Itās all about perspective and as I grow, Iām seeing a shift. My glass isnāt half empty, itās half full, and Iāll continue pouring into it. I understand the challenges of recovery and the discomfort itāll bring but Iām okay with it. My now ex friends feel otherwise, and thatās okay, but thatās not the energy I want to surround myself with.
āRewrite and start again.ā Lyrics from a song titled āStorytellingā by an independent musician named AfterTheParty. While I love most of his work, this particular song [currently] resonates with me because I'm doing just that. Rewriting and starting again. Iām re-establishing safety and re-defining what friendship looks like for me.
I am the author of my story and I dictate what each page of events will detail. I decide who will be chapters in my life instead of paragraphs and will write a book worth reading, a story worth telling. Starting over is often perceived as a bad thing but thatās not true. Sometimes itās realising your energy would be better applied elsewhere and recognising your limitations.
Outgrowing people hurts, but itās apart of life.
Mad respect for puttin' yourself first. It ain't easy cuttin' ties, but sometimes you gotta do what's best for you. We just gotta keep grindin' and levelin' up. You got this!
@Luiss šš¾
I've left behind so many relationships over the years, and some people might think I'm just running away when things get tough, but that's not it at all! I've outgrown a lot of people in my life. It's not because I don't care about them anymore, but because I'm on a different path now. I've changed, and that's okay. It's actually a good thing! I'm growing and learning, and sometimes that means leaving behind people who aren't on the same journey
I remember feeling so guilty at first. Like, was I being a bad friend? Was I abandoning people? But then I realized that it's not about being good or bad. It's about what's right for me and my growth. I can't pour from an empty cup, right?
The hardest part was letting go of friends I'd known for years. We had so many memories together, but we just weren't on the same page anymore. They were stuck in the same old patterns, and I was trying to break free. It felt like we were speaking different languages when we hung out
Like you said, it's all about perspective. I used to see leaving relationships as a failure. Now I see it as a necessary step. It's like pruning a plant, you need to cut away the old growth to make room for new, healthier branches
@COBRA You described my situation perfectly. Iāve outgrown a LOT since 2017 but it was memories and wanting to give people grace that kept me in friendships I shouldāve long discontinued. I understand not everyone has the same accessibility to resources I do and that every personās effort looks different, however I refuse to be stagnant.
Iām gonna be on my own for a while but Iām okay with that. Iāve got this far mostly supporting myself, Iāll be fine. I appreciate you sharing your journey with me, thank you.
@COBRA I agree. It's tough to outgrow people, especially when there's no bad blood. But that's just how life goes. OP, you're doing what's best for you, and that's what matters. Your story is still being written, and the best chapters are yet to come š āØ
@Mitchel I totally get what you're saying!
I remember when I first started all of this, I was worried about being lonely. But actually it wasn't as bad as I thought. I actually learned a lot about myself. When you're not busy with other people, you can really focus on what you want. I've also learned to be okay when I miss my old friends. That doesn't mean I made the wrong choice. It's normal to feel a bit sad, even when I know I'm doing the right thing
@Mary Spencer Thanks Mary! You're so right
I used to worry so much about what people would think if I stopped hanging out with someone. But now I get it, it's not about making others happy, it's about being true to myself. And that feels pretty great
omg same! and i've found that as i've let go of these old relationships, i've made space for new ones that align more with who i am now. the right people seem to show up once you're ready for them āØ your words about rewriting and starting again really hit home. that's exactly what I've been doing. i'm creating a new story for myself, one where i'm surrounded by people who inspire me and push me to be better. it's not easy
i feel lonely or doubt myself from time to time. but then i look at how far i've come and how much happier i am now, and i know it's worth it. i'm finally living life on my own terms, not just going along with what others expect of me. so, to anyone out there who's feeling guilty about outgrowing relationships - don't! it's a natural part of life and growth. you're not a bad person for changing and wanting different things. you're just being true to yourself, and that's the most important thing you can do.
@KingLion I get what you're saying about the loneliness. There are moments when I find myself scrolling through old messages or photos, and it's like a punch to the gut. The temptation to reach out is real, yet I remind myself why I made the choice to move on in the first place. It's like, yeah, it hurts now, but going back would probably hurt more in the long run. I try to focus on the future and the kind of life I want to build for myself. I think we're on the right track. How do you guys deal with those moments when the loneliness feels really intense?
@KingLion Your coping methods sound pretty solid! I've been trying similar things, like diving into new books or learning to cook. Time flies when you're focused on something new. But yeah, there are still those nights when everything feels too quiet. I've started leaving the TV on in the background, just for some noise. It's not a perfect solution, but it helps a bit. Spending more time outside also helps, just walking around the neighborhood or sitting in a park. Something about being in nature makes me feel less isolated. It's a work in progress, though
@KingLion I'm right there with you on the friend-making struggle! How did this get so complicated? I've been to a few local meetups, and it's been... interesting. Some were better than others. There was this one book club that was pretty cool, but then it fizzled out after a few months. It's frustrating how much effort it takes just to make a casual connection these days. I always feel like I'm back in middle school, trying to figure out if someone wants to be my friend or if they're just being polite. But I guess we've got to keep tryin. It's either that or resign ourselves to a life of solitude, and I'm not ready for that yet
@Saira oh man, i feel you on that loneliness thing! it's a rollercoaster, right? some days i'm totally fine and others it hits me like a truck. i've found that keeping busy helps a lot. like, i'll throw myself into something completely new or binge-watch a new show. anything to keep my mind off those old connections
you're so right about not going back. i've made that mistake before and it just led to more heartache. it's weird how we can miss people even when we know they're not good for us. i guess it's just human nature or something. how about you? do you have any tricks for dealing with those lonely moments? i'm always looking for new ways to cope!
@Saira omg yes! the quiet nights are the worst! i totally get the tv thing, i do that too. sometimes i'll put on a podcast or some chill music instead. anything to fill the silence. and i love your idea about getting outside! i should definitely do that more
and ughh making new friends is so hard! i worry about it all the time. like, where do you even meet people as an adult? it's not like school where you're thrown together with a bunch of people your age. i've been thinking about joining some local groups or clubs, but then i chicken out. it's scary putting yourself out there, but i guess that's the only way to meet new people. have you tried anything like that?
yeah, we gotta do what's best for us. life's too short to stick around with people who don't help you grow. good on ya for taking the leap. just remember, it's okay to look back now and then, but keep moving forward. what's the first thing on your bucket list now that you're starting fresh?
Everyone grows at their own pace, and sometimes, paths that once aligned may diverge. This doesn't diminish the value of past connections or experiences. Growth can be uncomfortable, but it's in these moments of discomfort that we often find our greatest strengths. I found that once I started surrounding myself with people who shared my drive and ambition, my own growth accelerated. I'm excited for you and the new possibilities that await! Your glass isn't just half full, it's overflowing with potential. Continue pouring, growing and inspiring others
@Florence Mack I appreciate you and everyone else for your words of encouragement and sharing your experiences. All of your feedback and unique perspectives has given me much to reflect on. šš¾
@Florence Mack I agree! š It's so true that everyone grows at their own speed. We're all on different paths, even when we started in the same place. š¤ļø It's okay to move in a new direction if that's what feels right for you. I've been there too, and it can be tough to let go of old friends. But it's amazing how many new doors open up when you make space for change. šŖ You might meet people who inspire you in ways you never expected. And who knows? Maybe your old friends will catch up one day. Either way, you're doing what's best for you right now. That's how it should be! šŖš
Hey! I've been reading your posts for a while now, but this is the first time I'm commenting because I can relate to this so much. It's like you're speaking straight from my heart! I know what you mean about outgrowing people. It's tough, but sometimes it's necessary for our own growth. I've been there too, and it's not easy to let go of connections, even when you know it's for the best
Oh, and I listened to that song - I love it! Thanks for sharing, it's now in my favorites. I really enjoy finding independent artists like this. You know, you made me think about how friendships change as we grow. We're all on different paths, and sometimes those paths just don't run parallel anymore. It's nobody's fault, it's just life
I love how you're taking charge of your own story. It's inspiring to see someone so committed to personal growth and surrounding themselves with positive energy. It makes me want to take a look at my own circle and see if I'm really surrounding myself with people who lift me up. Thank you for that reminder! Sending lots of positive vibes your way!
@TRACY Hey Tracy, as Iāve replied to others, I appreciate you all so much for taking the time to provide me with words of encouragement and share your own experiences with me. Not only has it given me something to reflect on but affirms me in my decision-making abilities.
With the amount of feedback and support received Iām grateful to know Iām not alone in my journey. I also canāt tell you how much itās made my day that someone actually listened to the song I shared. If youāre opened to other recommendations by AfterTheParty, some other songs of his that help me reflect are: Pull Out Sink In, Motive, Standby, All the Pieces, Ultraviolet, Things and Cosmic. Not al of them will speak to you but hopefully one does!
Iāve been outgrowing a lot of things, places and people since 2017. Thatās just apart of life as we know, and itās definitely painful but it has gotten easier with me developing discernment and knowing what and what not to expend energy on. Iām very much committed to giving myself the life I desire for myself and Iāll stop at almost nothing.
Thank you so much for your reply, it made my morning and means everything to me
@Mitchel Mitchel, wow! I'm so touched that my comment meant so much to you. I'm really glad I could brighten your day a bit! Thank you so much for the suggestions! I will definitely listen to them. It's always exciting to discover new music, especially when it comes recommended by someone who really connects with it
Your commitment to creating the life you want for yourself is truly admirable. It's not always easy to stay focused on our goals, especially when it means making difficult decisions. But from what you've shared, it seems like you're on the right track!
I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I've recently decided to take control of my life. The thing is I have OCD that constantly tells me I'm a bad person, and in the last month or so I made the tough choice to distance myself from people who trigger me and harm me annd now my mind won't shut up about how bad of a person I am, even though deep down I know I'm not. Reading your post has made me feel so much calmer and less alone in my decision. I love how you said you're the author of your own story. It makes me feel more in control of my own life and choices. Thank you for this, seriously. It's exactly what I needed to read today.
@autcra.1989 Hey Autcra, Iām happy my post was able to resonate with you and provide a bit of comfort. It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge and tackle hardships youāre facing head on and Iām proud of you. Iād also like to take a moment to say that youāre not a bad person regardless of what your OCD tells you, and I know itās easier said than done believing but with time youāll learn to trust that itās true.
If itās okay I offer advice (and I apologise if you were only seeking to be vulnerable and vent, please disregard this portion if so) but give yourself grace. Thatās also easier said than done but I believe you can do it. Youāve already been through a lot Iām sure, giving yourself just a little but of kindness might help. Iām hoping everything smooths out perfectly for you with the challenges youāre facing.
Remember youāre not alone. Sending positive vibes your way.š
@autcra.1989 Iām wishing you the best of luck in your endeavours, sending love and good vibes! All great things take time and learning to give yourself love, kindness and compassion is one of themšš¾
@Mitchel Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm trying my best to give myself grace. I know I have to work on trusting that I'm not a bad person, even when my mind tells me otherwise. Your encouragement makes me feel stronger about my decision to distance myself from people who weren't good for me. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. It's nice to feel heard and understood
I remember when I first realized I had outgrown some of my closest friends, it was a bittersweet feeling for sure. It's not easy to let go of people who have been a significant part of your life, even if it's for the best. Your decision to prioritize your growth and surround yourself with like-minded people is great. It's a new start and I hope it'll be a good one ā¤ļø