After some thought and heavy consideration, I’ve made the difficult decision to disconnect from the few people I wanted to call friends. Not because of trivial matters like petty drama or an extreme fallout, but simply because I’ve outgrown them and want to surround myself with different people.
While reflecting, I’ve come to realise a lot of the connections made were built on the foundation of trauma, common interests such as art, anime and general creativity aside. Prior to therapy and support workshops I’d meet people online and in fandom spaces where we bonded over traumatic events in our lives, but over the years I’ve found myself becoming distant.
I’m constantly working to improve myself and my situation, and as I’m navigating different challenges I’m learning something new every day. I have so much love and care for the people I called friends but it doesn’t seem like they’re ready to tackle their hardships head on. And that’s okay, but I want to be surrounded by people who are just as motivated to change the course of their lives as I am.
It’s all about perspective and as I grow, I’m seeing a shift. My glass isn’t half empty, it’s half full, and I’ll continue pouring into it. I understand the challenges of recovery and the discomfort it’ll bring but I’m okay with it. My now ex friends feel otherwise, and that’s okay, but that’s not the energy I want to surround myself with.
“Rewrite and start again.” Lyrics from a song titled “Storytelling” by an independent musician named AfterTheParty. While I love most of his work, this particular song [currently] resonates with me because I'm doing just that. Rewriting and starting again. I’m re-establishing safety and re-defining what friendship looks like for me.
I am the author of my story and I dictate what each page of events will detail. I decide who will be chapters in my life instead of paragraphs and will write a book worth reading, a story worth telling. Starting over is often perceived as a bad thing but that’s not true. Sometimes it’s realising your energy would be better applied elsewhere and recognising your limitations.
Outgrowing people hurts, but it’s apart of life.
