So I’ve never been diagnosed with any mental state like depression, anxiety – nothing of the sort. But my wife recently warned me that I’m inclined to always think negatively and dread the worst. I didn’t even notice it before she highlighted it. It burns me, and I’d say it hits me out of nowhere numerous times a day. For example, today I was jogging before work and my boss called me. Instantly, before I even took up the phone, I thought that something must be wrong with our infrastructure. But he only reminded me of a small task I needed to do. Phew! All the joy from my morning workout was wiped out.
Or another example. My parents were about to visit us. They were driving from another state, and they were two hours late. We couldn’t get through to them. It was a stormy evening, and immediately I began to worry something bad might have happened on the road. I sent them 20 messages and kept calling, though they were unavailable. My wife comforted me as best she could. My parents arrived safe and sound, their phone batteries had died simultaneously, and they couldn't warn us. Besides, they didn’t even think I’d be so worried since we were waiting for them at home and had no other plans. But my destructive thoughts had spiraled out of control, and by the time my parents arrived, I’d emptied a whole bottle of wine.
It feels like my brain jumps from worry to worry and fixates on the bad. How to slow down that train of thought or stop it? I have an appointment with a psychologist on the 27th. My wife insisted.. In the meantime, I thought I’d do my own research.
