Kudos for recognizing this pattern and wanting to change! I struggled with passive-aggressiveness for years, and it nearly ruined my relationships. What worked for me was learning assertive communication techniques. It's all about expressing your needs and feelings directly, without attacking or blaming others. Try to identify the root causes of your passive-aggressiveness. Often, it's linked to fear of confrontation or feeling powerless. Working on your self-esteem can make a big difference (it did for me)
@virhic.4 I really appreciate your point of vies and the fact that you've been through this yourself. It's comforting to know that change is possible. I'm curious about the assertive communication techniques you mentioned. Could you elaborate on some specific strategies you used? I'm especially interested in how you managed to express your needs without coming across as aggressive. Also, I'm wondering how long it took you to see real changes in your behavior. Did you face any failures along the way? And if so, how did you overcome them?
@virhic.4 Six months seem reasonable,. I'm curious about your personal mantra, would you mind sharing it? Also, did you find that certain relationships were more challenging to change than others? For instance, I find it particularly difficult to avoid passive-aggressiveness with my family members, especially my parents
@Addison L. Absolutely! I'm happy to share more about my journey. Instead of saying "You always ignore me," I learned to say "I feel hurt when I'm not acknowledged." This approach focuses on expressing your feelings without accusing the other person. It took me about six months of consistent effort to see changes. The biggest setback I faced was falling back into old patterns during stressful times. I overcame this by developing a personal mantra to remind myself of my goals in those moments
@Addison L. My personal mantra was "Choose clarity over comfort." It reminded me that while being direct might feel uncomfortable in the moment, it leads to clearer communication and healthier relationships in the long run. Family dynamics were definitely the toughest to navigate. The long history and ingrained patterns make it extra tricky. I learned to say "no" without feeling guilty and to express my limits clearly
I hugely appreciate your honesty and self-reflection. It takes courage to admit our flaws and seek change. And yes, change is absolutely possible with patience and practice!
@Sweety Thank you for your kind words. I'm really struggling with thi. Every time I catch myself being passive-aggressive, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, I can see it happening, but I feel powerless to stop it. The worst part is, I'm hurting the people I care about most, and that's the last thing I want to do. I feel stuck in this pattern of behavior. How do I even begin to tackle something that feels so ingrained in my personality?
@Sweety You're so sweet, no pun intended haha. Thanks you for responding. I do have a hard time expressing my needs directly. There's this constant fear that if I say what I really want or feel, I'll be rejected or seen as weak. I guess it's easier to drop hints or make snarky comments than to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt. But this approach is actually hurting my relationships more than protecting them.
@Addison L. Instead of focusing on stopping the behavior immediately, which can feel impossible, try to understand its roots. Often, passive-aggressiveness stems from difficulty expressing needs or emotions directly. It might be helpful to explore why you find it challenging to communicate your feelings openly. Are there past experiences that have made you fear confrontation or rejection?
Passive-aggressiveness is a tough habit to break, but recognizing it is the first step. I've been there too, and it took me a while to overcome it. What helped me was practicing mindfulness and learning to communicate my feelings directly. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Try to pause before reacting and ask yourself what you're really feeling. Сhange takes time, so be patient with yourself. You're already showing great self-awareness by wanting to improve. Keep at it, and don't be too hard on yourself. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this?
@kevcur.1971 Thank you for your kind words and advice. I've never considered therapy before, to be honest. I'm not sure I can afford it right now. I've always been the type to try and solve my problems on my own. Do you think there are any other strategies I could try first? I'm willing to put in the work, but I'm just not sure where to start
@kevcur.1971 I've never heard of this before. It sounds intriguing, but also a bit overwhelming. I'm not sure I'd know where to start with something like that. Emotional intelligence is something I've heard of, but I've never really looked into it deeply. I guess I've always assumed I was pretty in touch with my emotions, but maybe that's not entirely true if I'm struggling with passive-aggressiveness. The empathy suggestion resonates with me, though. I do try to be empathetic, but perhaps I'm not doing it effectively. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm constantly second-guessing myself now
@kevcur.1971 Your experience gives me hope. Support system's where things get a bit tricky for me. I've always been quite private about my personal struggles. The idea of opening up to friends or family about this feels incredibly vulnerable. I'm worried they might judge me or see me differently. Plus, I'm afraid of burdening them with my problems. I know that's probably not a healthy mindset, but it's hard to shake
@Addison L. I understand your hesitation about therapy. It can be intimidating, and the cost is definitely a factor to consider. There are actually quite a few alternatives you can try. One thing that really helped me was learning about emotional intelligence. Understanding how our emotions work and how they influence our behavior can be eye-opening. Have you ever heard of the concept of "cognitive restructuring"? It's a technique used to identify and challenge negative thought patterns. It might sound complex, but there are lots of resources online that can guide you through the process. I encourage you to practice empathy daily, really try to put yourself in the other person's shoes before reacting. It's not easy, but it can dramatically change how you interact with others
@Addison L. The biggest thing that helped was finding a support system - people who understood what I was going through and could offer encouragement. Do you have anyone in your life who you feel comfortable talking to about this?
As someone who's been on both sides of passive-aggressive behavior, I can relate to your struggle. When we're stressed or overwhelmed, we're more likely to fall into negative patterns. Make sure you're taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Be patient and kind to yourself as you learn and grow. Your loved ones will likely appreciate your efforts, even if you stumble sometimes 💖
@waltersk.11 Thank you so much! I'm really feeling better, reading all of the responses!
Hi,
Passive aggressive behaviour is because your anger and the energy is not been dealt properly so you resort to the way of just ignoring, silent treatment, withdrawal towards your loved ones as you know they wont say anything back. they would understand you and this makes you feel lighter. This behaviour is generally displaced to our loved ones as we feel more safer to do it but it is not healthy. It is requisite that you write down in detail about your rough day and understand what is the actual reason which affects do you feel powerless or not been respected or not given the due credit. what is that you need the most and is not getting fullfilled which is affecting your thoughts? what is that makes you think over and over about it that you are stuck in a loop? Being aware of it will help you deal with it in better way.
Passive aggressive behaviour also stems from our childhood experiences as we notice our loved ones were never able to respond properly their emotions. While growing up then you dont know how to feel or express anger in a healthier way as you don't know how to assertively communicate your feelings.
Now there are few ways you can respond to your loved ones:
Awareness is the first step towards positive changes and you are already aware about your behaviour. so you have already taken the first step now it just requires practise of certain strategies to deal with your emotions in a healthier way.