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vincenzobuckridge289
1y ago

unable to cope up with a semi-long term break up

I should start with some back ground. My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and a little more. There is a 2 year gap between us (me being the older one) and we have both dated here and there before but it is safe so say that within our young lives we were probably each other's, atleast mine first serious romantic relationship and that too in our early 20s. During our first year together she felt the need to explore her sexuality ( her friends had somehow convinced her that if I loved her I would let her find out her identity, that it was nrcessary and that meant having sexual relations with others). I am a quite a monogamous person and as such I was against it. A little after our 1st anniversary and when I was out of station for a month for an internship, she kind of cheated on me ( her, her bisexual friend and that friend's friend, a lesbian got drunk and my gf had sex with the lesbian) she regretted it and I could never truly forgive her for it. I just pushed through since it can't be changed and I loved her. I still do. 3 weeks or so back she got drunk at a club and cheated on me. Again. Confessed to me by herself while crying. I asked for space. I knew I still loved her. This was just a few weeks after our 2nd anniversary. Even so I knew I could never forgive her. She had family problems as well and I couldn't tell her parents and break their hearts so I acted normal and pushed through despite knowing that I won't forgive her and my trust in her had taken a huge blow. The following week she got molested so I put it all aside and decided to focus on taking care of her. A week(last week) later she told me that she was traumatized, could trust or feel anything for anyone, not even love towards me and that she needed space to heal. I did oblige, just asking now and then how she is feeling. By the 2nd night she, stopped talking to me and last friday when I called she was at some guy's place i didn't know with her friends and I was concerned but she told me that i am not her partner at that moment and as such I should stop being this way. I was hurt. That night I told her that due to her actions I am insecure and if she were to do something physical with someone despite promising that she would come back to me I wouldn't be able to take it and would break up with her as I would feel being taken for granted and I felt I have been disrespected enough. Also she may take her time to heal but I can't stay around for an infinite amount of time while she stays with no strings attached as it wrecked me with anxiety. We broke up then as she would not agree with me... It felt horrible. The following day I spent it crying and it was last friday. On friday night she told me that she did go ahead and makeout with 2 other guys in that 3,4 day period and... I just. I love her I still do. I spent every minute on her, lost friends and now... I am alone. I hate it that I love her so much that a part of me still feels like going back but I know it won't be right. There is this void I feel. Everything I did... I had her to speak to and now... I am alone. No one to share my moments with. The memories crash on me and I break down at random moments and mixed with this lonliness... I am tired and ao drained... I don't know what to do. I love her. I don't hate her and don't want to. I just don't know how to stop feeling so horrible all the time. I can't connect with anyonw because for 2 straight years it was just me and her and I sacrificed everything for her. I feel so lost... and alone.

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shanaya
1y

I can completely understand what you're going through my friend and it's not that you need to hate her, you just need to respect yourself more, and not surrender to every disrespectful act she's making as a partner towards you, I agree one has a right to explore their sexuality but not by keeping a guy longing and in hopes that you will definitely go back to him, also I discourage her attempt of being on a break and indirectly assuring that she would come back, but she comes back with news of hooking up with two, I appreciate the kind gentleman you're trying to be, but there are some limits, some red lines as partners that need to be followed and if one is not, then you should not be ashamed to chose yourself, as she never is , in the relationship you guys should always choose us, but since the beginning she seems to be choosing herself so now it's your turn, respect yourself and do not beg for her, what is meant for you and deserves you will simply find you

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stefan
1y

She can do whatever she wants wherever she wants with whosoever she wants, that's her life and her decisions to make, but keeping a guy holding like an option always is so not acceptable, and you who keeps encouraging it is also at fault, fine she wants to explore herself, sleep with a bunch of people to do so , of course she can, but you selling away your self respect and still clinging on to her besides this treatment is very disrespectful to your own self, respect the inner self, respect the inner child who is the main character of his life and can't take to be anyone's stand by or back-up plan.


Do yourself a favor and do not beg or surrender to disrespect for love

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