I know I need help, but I don't have the money for therapy. I can't sleep properly because my mind won't shut off. I'm always tired but I can't rest because I need to do rituals otherwise something bad'll happen. I know it sounds stupid. My relationships are suffering because I'm always so wrapped up in my own head plus I'm actually convinced I'm a bad person I don't know anymore. I want to be normal and enjoy life like everyone else, but OCD is ruining everything. I'm afraid I'll never get better and this will be my life forever

Idk how I start I'm just confused with everything right now what is good what is bad everything is messed in itself. There is only peer and pressure in all kind of works I do here specially my school is going to reopen which depressing me somewhere inside. I have bad childhood experiences in school and it goes now to because of bad environment such as toxic environment and bully. I suffer from severe loniness there and pass a single second in fear and wait that when it will end. After walking miles in sun with like 30 to 40 pounds of bag I reach home and here already abusive environment be there. In the name of motivation I get motivated like if in life I didn't achieved anything good in coming 4 to 6 years then I'm failure and I'll be of no where. Homework pressure is already there specially on me because i maintain the profile of good student in school so all works on time is most important there. Other hand my maths weak so daily hours of practise and extra maths classes make all more worse to manage time. I know right now I'm feeling cry to write this all because how much I'm writing vs how much things are going in my mind is not possible to frame in words. Everyone say I'm good girl because of being that good girl all the time I've lossed myself. Somehow I daily wake up and wait to go on bed again. Best memories of life is coming which making me more cry..

My whole head is paining dancing as hell. After that when I share about little bit about myself so they all expect me to be calm silent and meditate. That makes me more cry to realise that no one is really able to understand me because things would be that easy then I would have done already my bestest. In 24 hrs i somehow manage to get 4 to 5 hrs sleep on a day rest time goes in school then extra works of school and extra classes at last I don't get time to open books to do self study and parents who keep heavy expecations that I do self study for hours. Due to walking that much my body be already tired mentally I already be absent somehow physically I wake up forcefully for 7 to 8 hours to manage all after doing that much I get to listen hardwork I never do, effort only I never apply instead energy is needed for every single activity and my Energy dies then to I forcefully go hard on self because that be only 1 and last option to do so and handle somehow. Strange grief anixety tension and stress is bounding me right now without any reason sometimes I cry sometimes I feel like what happened to me that I'm crying as hell. Everyone keeps over heavy expecations from me. Life I living like a fish is trying to climb a tree instead of swimming in water. Most of time I be alone because no one talks to me or can be said my life is more like an orphan or worse than a orphan. Focusing on self, focusing on situations and unexpected outcomes breaks me more.when I sit to meditate then ptsd and whole stress starts popping mind and I not be able to do so for long. Life is busy as hell. Saving time to do anything extra is not possible in my case.

I am 29 (F) and a working woman and my boyfriend is 31 and a job holder.We got to know each other during the pandemic through facebook.It’s been 3 years already and our relationship is like almost 2 and half years.Everything was fine and normal till this February but things started to change which i can't accept anymore.As a Bangladeshi woman I am having pressure from my family to get married as I am 29 now.I tried to talk about it with him and every single time he avoids this.It makes me upset and anxious. And things between us are getting abnormal from this June!!!! He told me i have disgusting personality(I have anger issues). It made me very very sad and i was upset.From that day i didn’t talk to him for 12 days and he didn’t call me, text me either. After 12 days I knocked him first to know why he did this to me and he didn’t reply.So I became furious and said too much absurd thing like he never loved me, he just passed his time with me, he may have another relationship and so on because I have my reason to say those.He never ever said I LOVE YOU if i say or text he just responds that! And another thing he never wants to tell about our relationship to others not even to his friends.So I think He doesn’t want me and it’s making me crazy.I don't know what to do or how to seek help. I just can't stand this situation.

I amin relationship from 8 years. My partner online cheated on me in starting months of 2022 but then he quit those things and apologized to me .after that we were all good but then since sept 2022 he cheated on me again till April 2023 but he quit talking to that girl before I got to know. But somehow I got to know about it through his phone gallery few days back.he said he kept those phots to confess everything to me. I saw some photos but he quickly deleted them all and said that he don’t want to kept them anymore.he Is apologizing to me that he want to be with me that’s why he quit talking to that girl. He also told me that he is in fake relationship..he is just pretending with her due to some money issues.but in photos its doesn’t look like a fake relationship at all. What should I do now? I am afraid of forgiving him but its really hard for me to quit everything too.

what should i do?