I dont know what to do

i don’t Even know why I’m writing this.

when I’m in school , I feel happy… or do I? No I don’t . I have to be so the others don’t see the real „depressed“ me . But then they laugh at me for beeing too „loud“ or anything. I’m trying to have fun. Beeing bullied for looking young and talking the way I talk. I try to change myself but it never works out. I feel uncomfortable in my body and don’t know where to get help. I have friends … we’ll just one the other ones are all bullying me . And treating me like a dog or child . I don’t want that , I don’t wanna be treated like I’m their child. I feel like I’m a dog that can be commanded. You can do anything with me . I’m a people pleaser but I’m not . When I talk I’m scared to say something I don’t wanna say, I regret everything that I said when talking to others . I lay in bed in the evening and cry myself to sleep about what I said that day. Others tell me not to overreact or don’t be so loud , don’t be so emotional… control yourself… „I beg you what are u doing“ … I feel unwanted.