i don't know what to do

Idk how I start I'm just confused with everything right now what is good what is bad everything is messed in itself. There is only peer and pressure in all kind of works I do here specially my school is going to reopen which depressing me somewhere inside. I have bad childhood experiences in school and it goes now to because of bad environment such as toxic environment and bully. I suffer from severe loniness there and pass a single second in fear and wait that when it will end. After walking miles in sun with like 30 to 40 pounds of bag I reach home and here already abusive environment be there. In the name of motivation I get motivated like if in life I didn't achieved anything good in coming 4 to 6 years then I'm failure and I'll be of no where. Homework pressure is already there specially on me because i maintain the profile of good student in school so all works on time is most important there. Other hand my maths weak so daily hours of practise and extra maths classes make all more worse to manage time. I know right now I'm feeling cry to write this all because how much I'm writing vs how much things are going in my mind is not possible to frame in words. Everyone say I'm good girl because of being that good girl all the time I've lossed myself. Somehow I daily wake up and wait to go on bed again. Best memories of life is coming which making me more cry..

My whole head is paining dancing as hell. After that when I share about little bit about myself so they all expect me to be calm silent and meditate. That makes me more cry to realise that no one is really able to understand me because things would be that easy then I would have done already my bestest. In 24 hrs i somehow manage to get 4 to 5 hrs sleep on a day rest time goes in school then extra works of school and extra classes at last I don't get time to open books to do self study and parents who keep heavy expecations that I do self study for hours. Due to walking that much my body be already tired mentally I already be absent somehow physically I wake up forcefully for 7 to 8 hours to manage all after doing that much I get to listen hardwork I never do, effort only I never apply instead energy is needed for every single activity and my Energy dies then to I forcefully go hard on self because that be only 1 and last option to do so and handle somehow. Strange grief anixety tension and stress is bounding me right now without any reason sometimes I cry sometimes I feel like what happened to me that I'm crying as hell. Everyone keeps over heavy expecations from me. Life I living like a fish is trying to climb a tree instead of swimming in water. Most of time I be alone because no one talks to me or can be said my life is more like an orphan or worse than a orphan. Focusing on self, focusing on situations and unexpected outcomes breaks me more.when I sit to meditate then ptsd and whole stress starts popping mind and I not be able to do so for long. Life is busy as hell. Saving time to do anything extra is not possible in my case.

Specialist answer

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Veena Choudhary

Specialist

Get good grades, Make good money, make your parents proud, Represent your school in all events and make it proud too. Too much pressure. A little pressure is good but when it exceeds beyond it starts having an effect on your mental health.The only way that is released is by crying. it leads to lot of confusion too as mind is unclear. its not able to handle anymore. Let's try and unpack the pressure you are experiencing and try finding ways to make sure its effect on your mental health is a positive.

You can't eliminate pressure and expectations completely but you cant think about it all the times as it will just worsen your mental health. Just take a day off. Relax and do what you like. Just one day away from everything will re-energise and rejuvenate you. In just one day do things you like just go out for lunch or dinner, watch a movie, go for spa, meditate, cycle. Do what ever that energises you.

When everyone says i am good girl and you say you have lost yourself being a good girl. Now think and tell me what do you want to be? how do you want to be. Just for a day when you are taking a break just be how you want to be. See how do you feel. Notice your feelings? This will give you clear awareness about the pressure and confusion you are in.

No one would understand you till you don't understand yourself and do things in the way you want to like you can say no for things you don't want to do. You do things as other's want so that is building up pressure. Start doing things the way you want like example you can come back home and take rest for some time. sit down or lie down. This will give your body and mind some calmness and energy to do back things much faster. Studying after being exhausted is only going to take more longer for your mind to process as you say you are tired mentally and physically. Sit down and just see everyday what you want to do not others. At the end by taking rest if you are still able to complete your studies then why not take that rest. Do explain this to your parents.

What advice would you give to someone in the same situation. Think about it. pretend to give advice and see if it works for you.

You can even just meditate for 10 min and then to avoid things to pop in your mind you can do grounding technique. In this you just meditate for 5 min. inhale from nose and exhale from mouth after 5 min open your eyes and see 5 random objects around you that you can see around you, 4 things you can touch like floor, curtain etc, 3 things you can hear like bird chirping, car honking, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. This will help you to distract yourself form the thought and just focus in the present. Do this everyday. Notice all the intricate details.

You can also imagine a glowing beam of light over your head. close your eyes and slowly imagine it moving down your body all the way to your feet. Bring the halo back up your body and over your head again. This seems to alleviate any tension through out the body.

Bullying kindly talk to school authorities if you have the dear to face it and kindly go to therapist who will help you with that .

For sharing your thoughts you can journal what you feel in the entire day where you can answer for questions like what emotion you felt in the entire day, why did you feel, what was most taxing activity for the day, what are alternative ways of handling this taxing activity without stressing yourself and if you cant journal then there are lot of community thread and social apps where you can talk to lot of people and make friends.

Set realistic, achievable short, medium and long term learning goals.

There are so many things we have to achieve and do in a day but that's practically not possible so you need to chalk down and prioritise what is important and only do those things.

Write down 5 positive traits about yourself. Look in the mirror and say this everyday. Let your body feel that within you this trait. Do this everyday.

Write down 3 positive things you see in the surrounding every day which is happened to you. Like some one complimented you. This will help you in seeing positivity in this stressed environment which will relax you.

I hope this helps but do go to a therapist who can help you as well.

jastnatalie717

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time..💔 I can suggest to try scheduling specific times for self-care activities like exercises or even just taking a relaxing bath. You literally have to tell your brain that during this time it doesn't have a right to worry about anything.

It can also be helpful to talk to someone about what you're going through. I'm sure there's someone who's close to you. Remember that you're not alone in this and there are people who care about you and want to help. You just have to let them know about your feelings

Melissa

Author

@jastnatalie717

I do have very less people whom I trust my bf , my brother and then 2 friends and all of them are online yet something odd I do feel.

My bf is busy these days so yea he don't get much time Then when I share brother then he helps me, says to meditate but what I actually suffer or go through with it nothing able to help.then 2 friends one of them is offline 90% of time and one is not of my age junior than me so yea In current almost lonely I'm from all sides.

Melissa

Author

@Veena Choudhary

Um as you asked what I want to be , I want to be a good person who helps everyone but at the same time I want to do things in my way not on anyone orders. Since, everyone here started holding heavy expecations from me even sometimes my opinion on any particular topic be something else but before I keep my opinion from my side others keep opinion like saying (she is good girl so I'm 100% sure,her opinion is this I know this is only) infact they don't let me speak and they keep that heavy expecations that I feel something bad like something unexplainable to say no. Some days ago I wanted help so I went to ask for help with some people I had just said them hi only and they started saying ohh hello omg we were waiting for you pls help us, help us and shockingly the help they were asking for was similar situation as mine just the cases were different and I suggested them to do what in that situation but the thing I felt that moment was insane. I own wanted help and for help I went and they asking for help with me only by believing that I'm strong and experienced more than them yet I didn't wanted to break their expectations so yea idk what drag me or held me back but I remain strong in their visions for them to show that problems don't last for very long we should not give up but I was own never really able to implement it perfectly in my life. The environment I live where they always say me looser, failure and alot more even I not used to be but how shocking was they continued saying those words and in real i started being looser and failure. I have no one almost in daily life to talk to with whom I can share about myself there are alot of things alot of secrets and alot of feelings in my head trapped. In film they show a lead actor or actress is standing somewhere silently and around them every one is busy ghosting them busy in their conversations same daily happens with me in daily life , in school when exams comes students are said to keep quiet after giving exam that time passing 10 min feels like 12 hours for other students but for me it's common to stay silent without feeling Because daily I be silent for 7 hours like that only then it comes to socializing when I go to socialize I don't know why but toxic people I get or later on the people who be good they start showing their flaws on me somehow I tolerate them and try to manage situation yet I'm introvert even tho I really not want to be one but it all feels like I'm good at wrong place. When I see others like 2 freinds talking together or a group of freinds talking together I just see that everyone has someone in their life but when I see myself I only see one and only me which makes me more cry because sometimes I do feel strong but not always most time I feel sad or cry. Yet I listen music to calm myself or imagine whole day like if things would happen like this then I would do this. Lonely everyone be in some point of life but not always since I experience this from 2 to 3 years ago my age is increasing these feelings are Getting more strong. When I were in class 1 they bullied me baddly by doing fake complains and all. Then I changed that school in class 3 and came in a new school the new school was more insane there I was ghosted by girls because girls used to be in groups and they didn't liked me because of my appearance or silence or because I was not like them nor wanted to follow them so they also bullied me and ghosted me till class 6. Those all times I got 0 friends and the ones which I got hardly to they cheated me to. Again I changed school and more insane happened I got cheated in friendship after I joined school 8 months later and then my ex beat friend she started bullying me but the bully was that complex that she used to bully to and teachers or anyone not able to realise to that it was a bully. Indirect games she played yet I'm always taught from childhood to ignore these and in life I only ignored today I cry by thinking wish I would knew fighting to instead of ignoring. Even till now I get suggested to ignore and I think that also made things worse anywhere. I've totally loosed true myself where I'm losted I own don't know. From months I'm trying to bring myself back alot of things I tried poisitive affirmations I give daily to myself but nothing works idk why. I still didn't given up on myself to bring myself back but now I do guess this word lonely when it comes in mind tears starts self from eyes ,feets tremble, body starts shaking , I starts feeling cold and alot more. I don't know how I cope with all and suicidal thoughts these are more insane to handle with all. Also I wanna tell that strange dreams I see at night first for 7 to 8 months dreams stopped I used to feel tired then sudden dreams started and all be nightmares 90% of time rape dreams even I started seeing. Several times like every month rape dreams comes or any dream which contains sexual Assualt and I be victim in it all time.

Edited

Greendays

Please, talk to someone close to you about your dreams and thoughts. Maybe a teacher, or your parents? I'm sure their daughter's well-being is more important to them than your grades and achievements. Family will always be on your side, give them a chance to love you and help you

I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

Hello!

I am a 25 years old female from Pakistan with a bachelors degree in Psychology. I've always had problems from unresolved issues from childhood mainly bad communication skills which lead to me being isolated from my loved ones. I graduated three years ago, moved to another city and my family have been going through a lot of problems for years. Even though we live together (except for my father who left) I don't feel close to anyone at all and have been suffering in silence. There aren't many scholarships in our country so I gave up on higher studies because I didn't want to be burden on my brothers. I don't know how I wasted these three years but my opinion of myself is getting lower and lower each day. I used to do a lot chores around the house to not feel like a burden on everyone but recently my family hired a maid for cleaning even when I said that I don't mind doing any chore.I feel pathetic that I don't have a job (can't become a therapist unless I get therapy myself) and that I don't do much anymore (I used to paint, sketch, write poetry and other diy art projects). I desperately need therapy but even after talking about it at home, no one showed any interest. I went to a therapist but her monthly package was very expensive so I'll feel really guilty asking my family for that much money. I want to find some government facility that can offer therapy for lower prices so I don't feel as guilty for asking. Can anyone offer any guidance?

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore. My ex is driving me crazy. She keeps contacting me all the time. It's like she can't leave me alone. Even when I block her, she makes new accounts just to reach out to me. She is everywhere. She even stalks my mom's Facebook and my brother's insta page. She contacts them. It's getting out of hand.

She used to come to my place all the time. I moved recently, not because of her, but now I'm glad I did. At least she doesn't know where I live now. But it doesn't stop her from trying to find me online. It's like she's obsessed. I don't understand why she can't just move on. It's been months since we broke up.

I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. I worry she might show up at my new place somehow. I'm scared to think what she might do next. My family is worried too. My mom keeps getting weird messages from her. My brother had to make his profile private because she kept commenting on his posts.

Every time my phone buzzes, I get anxious. Is it her again? What does she want this time? I can't keep living like this. I need help. I need advice on how to deal with this. I can't keep blocking her forever. She always finds a way to reach me. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I dont know what to do

i don’t Even know why I’m writing this.

when I’m in school , I feel happy… or do I? No I don’t . I have to be so the others don’t see the real „depressed“ me . But then they laugh at me for beeing too „loud“ or anything. I’m trying to have fun. Beeing bullied for looking young and talking the way I talk. I try to change myself but it never works out. I feel uncomfortable in my body and don’t know where to get help. I have friends … we’ll just one the other ones are all bullying me . And treating me like a dog or child . I don’t want that , I don’t wanna be treated like I’m their child. I feel like I’m a dog that can be commanded. You can do anything with me . I’m a people pleaser but I’m not . When I talk I’m scared to say something I don’t wanna say, I regret everything that I said when talking to others . I lay in bed in the evening and cry myself to sleep about what I said that day. Others tell me not to overreact or don’t be so loud , don’t be so emotional… control yourself… „I beg you what are u doing“ … I feel unwanted.

I don't know what's happening and I don't know what to do

But here it is again, I thought I'm doing okay because I felt better. Or, I'm just telling myself that I'm okay, that everything is okay? I really don't know. Pero ito na naman, bigla bigla. I just cried. Ngayon as I type this hoping to get a response and advice or any comment that might help me, naninikip Ang dibdib ko, my heart hurts, literally. It feels hard to breathe, it's painful breathing. And I feel like crying over and over again, Ang hirap pigilan, nakaka suffocate pero ayokong malaman ng family ko na umiiyak because I don't know how will I answer them when they ask bakit ako umiiyak. It felt heavy again. Mababaliw na talaga ako at this point. I don't know what to do. I felt dizzy with the amount of thoughts I have in my head right now.

i don't know what to do

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