I have been with my partner for 9 years, and I’m afraid I can’t do it any longer.

When we met, I was 17 and he was 22. During the first three years of dating we lived separately, and he was the best thing that happened to me. I was not the happiest person back then. I was lonely, I considered myself ugly, I had problems with my studies, and my parents were divorcing, so I was always on edge. In these circumstances, my partner seemed an angel from the heavens. He was there for me, he took me out, and we’d drive for hours or just sit in his car and talk… Really my best memories.

We married three years later, and I moved in with him. By that time I dropped out of college and started working at the supermarket. That’s when I found out that dating and living together are two different worlds. My husband is a nice person, and he’d help any time I asked. But I had to ask all the time! He’d lived alone for a long time before we met, and his habits were horrible, the worst cliches about men apply. He couldn’t cook, he never did proper shopping other than ordering pizzas, his whole flat was always a mess, and he was comfortable in it. I had to enforce basic hygiene rituals. At first I forced him to help me around the house, but it was really tiresome to always command “do this” and “do that”. I hoped he’d act like a grownup, but he never tried. I soon realized he wasn’t mean or overly selfish. He was just being himself, it didn’t come to his mind to help we with the groceries, to wash the dishes, to learn to boil eggs… His attitude was “you can do it if you need it, but I’m OK without”. I was patient, and angry, but most of all I got tired. After a year of working five days a week, I decided to continue my education, and between my job, my studies and home I had no free time at all. I felt I was living with a child-adult who couldn’t help me, because he couldn’t even take proper care of himself. My romantic feelings slowly evaporated, and so did our sexual life.

I wanted to go away many times. But something always stopped me. My husband is very kind and funny, he is my true best friend. I trust him, other women do not exist for him. We click emotionally and have common interests. Both my parents like him – they don’t communicate with each other, but they both communicate with my husband more often than with me (mainly because I’m always busy)! All the women I know divorced their men because they were cheating, or aggressive, or for some other unpleasant reason. Can I divorce my husband because he turned out to be a child?

I know that I’m not happy, but I dread the unknown future and throwing away nine years of my life. I love my husband as a person, but I don’t love him as my partner.

Why do straight men and women talk to trans and queer people like they have no home training or common sense? I understand being curious and/or not knowing much about the LGBTQ+ community and the influx of labels but that’s not an excuse to ask gross and invasive questions.

Some questions are okay to ask if asked appropriately, others shouldn’t be asked at all. Inquiring about pronouns is okay. Everyone has pronouns, cisgender and trans alike. If you’re asking with intent to respectfully address the person, that’s great! If you’re asking with intent to INVALIDATE and MISGENDER them then no, you’re terrible, that’s harassment, and you’re likely a queerphobe.

I think it goes without say that asking about their genitals is just as gross and fucking weird because why are you questioning a stranger about their reproductive parts? It’s literally none of your business and you wouldn’t like it if someone asked you something that made YOU uncomfortable. It’s about respect which a lot of straight people don’t seem to have for queer folk. Respect aside, it’s also about common sense.

Ignorance plays a part in this because not every straight person is maliciously asking invasive questions, they just don’t know any better. However backtracking, it should be common sense not to ask people things like, “Do you have a penis or a vagina?” just because someone labels themselves as “non-binary”, “queer” or “trans.”

This is why LGBTQ+ education is important. There’s nothing political about it, it’s just knowledge on a demographic of people who’ve been around since the BEGINNING of time. The ONLY people I’ve seen complain about queer people and the community are extreme right wingers who are more likely than not racist, Republican, Trump supporters and pro-lifers.

I wish LGBTQ studies were actually taught in schools. It wouldn’t have to be mandatory but optional for people who DO want to educate themselves on how to properly interact with the community.

Women's ways of solving problems.

If you think that when I passed the exams and got my license, all my problems were over, you are wrong. Problems arose often, considering that I drove a car every day. My husband, when I passed my driver's license, said, "It's nothing. Try to handle the maintenance of the car. I didn't want you to learn to drive, and I'm not going to take care of your car." Because the driver has to do it himself.

I was offended, of course. Then I got angry and said to myself, "I'll figure it out somehow, I have to prove to him that I can." Besides, what could be the problem?

Pretty soon it turned out that I didn't know how to fill up my car, and I had to go to gas stations with gas station attendants. I didn't know where the button to open the tank was. They helped me at the gas station (I endured the laughter).

I complained to a friend and she said, "Put on a pink dress and pretend to be a silly doll" at gas stations and car repair shops, which is what I always do. I looked at her surprised and incredulous.

What do you mean, stupid? I'm smart. A friend said "it works." So I bought a pink dress (that's a silly women's dress to me) and wore it to go out on the town. "Don't forget the silly look", said the friend, "no glasses. I decided that if I wore bright colors, I'd look sillier.

Pink scarf, stilettos, the look is complete. I was driving and I was afraid that the car would go bad and I wouldn't fix it, my husband used to scare me about it all the time.

And I started to hear whistling after a few days. The thing is that I did not buy a new car, as I was sure that I would definitely crash it. And then the whistle!

I didn't tell my husband (what's the point?), and went to the car service in my pink outfit. With a silly look I said that there was a "whistling" in the car. And the master looked at me with the expression "what can I take from her, she has no mind at all" and started to look at the car.

It turned out that the belt "on the alternator" had dried out and stretched. The foreman was sure of his diagnosis. And reassured me "buy it and we'll install it right away". What do you mean buy? Where and how to choose it?

Enjoying the fact that he clearly surpasses me in knowledge, the master said that there are no belts for my car, but you can pick up a similar one in the store and gave me a belt in my hands. That means I have to buy it without a car, I can't drive.

I mentally wished the master that his wife would give him tights in his hands like that with the wish "buy tights with the same number of dans". And I went to the nearest store. In the store, happiness was waiting for me from the queue of men at the cash register.

Seeing my unhappy pink visage with the belt "on the alternator" in my hands, everyone started to help me. A discussion ensued as to which one to choose for my mini car. I could see that my friend's method was "working".

I began to breathe easier, and I started to play the image of a "silly blonde" more confidently. In the end, the men chose me a universal wrench for the car (I didn't have one), and happily, with a new belt in my hands, I went to the car service. Further shots of the winner: "they change my belt", and "I'm going home with a victory".

I confidently came home and my husband asked "how was your ride?", "what's with the silly dress?". I carelessly said (I wrote down the phrase in advance): "I actually changed the belt on the alternator today.

And this is my new favorite dress

Polyamory destroyed my relationship! 😡

We’ve been through so much together: his depression, my miscarriage. even me identifying as bisexual was never an issue, until I had this stupid idea that polyamory might spice things up a bit for us. It was such bad advice, why did I take it? I thought all our problems were from boredom, six years together is a lot of time. I also thought that in a monogamous relationship my needs weren’t being met. Initially, my husband was not keen to open our relationship, but when I suggested we invite only bisexual women and no other men, he seemed reassured. I thought it was only fair! I’m bi, and never fantasized about my husband seeing other women…

So I found a third, a girl of my age. We established very few rules: no unprotected sex with others, never involving friends, and deciding on the third partner together. My husband liked the new girl, but she turned out to be more into women, and I ended up spending more time with her than with him... It irritated him, we began arguing again, and I decided to change our partner. I found another woman, also bi, but she’d been in a mono relationship with a male, like myself. Again, the husband seemed to like her, and things were fine for a month or so. Then he suddenly lost interest and isolated, started to come home late from work… I thought there was a problem between him and the second woman again, so we talked, and it turned out no, the woman was not the problem… Turns out he hated the whole idea and became resentful towards ME. I agreed to put it on hold, however a few days later he comes and suggests we invite a certain woman he has chosen. I was against it. She is not bisexual, for all I know she’s a divorcee looking for a new partner… She is also my sister’s friend, we weren’t super close, but I said it’s against the rules. To which my husband lost his temper and shouted at me, saying the rules were stupid and if I wanted a real polyamory that’s what it had to be like. I was so agitated I cried and went out to think it over. When I came home in the evening, most of my husband’s clothes were gone, and he didn’t answer the phone during the weekend. I later found out he’d moved in with my sister’s friend and impregnated her!! My marriage is ruined, we’re about to file a divorce, and I feel guilty and foolish… All of our problems could have been solved normally, not like this. We could still be happy with each other. I’m so terrible!