They label it āhyper independenceā, I refer to it as being self-reliant.
They see it as having ātrust issuesā, I perceive it as people having issues with being truthful.
Itās incredibly infuriating how people are willing to deflect accountability and will accuse you of everything in the book when in actuality itās just you calling them out on their shit. I know thereās a difference between isolation and holding space with yourself but because of recurring situations, Iām choosing to isolate. Iām isolating because Iām tired. Iām tired of experiencing the same shit and Iām tired of meeting the same, unhealed people just in different situations.
Iām not āhyper independentā because I have no problem asking for help when I REALLY need it, but I recognise everything starts with me and that Iām the only person with the power to change the circumstances of my situation. If I wait around for others then nothing will get done. Opportunities donāt just fall into a personās lap, they have to create them, and every day Iām putting in my best effort to ensure I create as many as possible.
I donāt have trust issues because I possess discernment and accept people for who they are. When they show me their true colours, I donāt feel the need to repaint or attempt to change them. I acknowledge thatās their character and act accordingly, even if it means separating myself indefinitely or permanently. What I DO take issue with is people lying to my face then playing victim when they experience the consequences of their actions.
Allowing myself emotional vulnerability is something Iām continuously working toward because growing up, I didnāt have a safe space to express myself. I didnāt have the support systems I have today but even now I still struggle because I only feel seen and supported in limited spaces such as therapy and workshop. The one time I tried reaching out for comfort from the few people I wanted to call friends, it went exactly how it did in the past and now Iām closing myself off.
I clarified that I was seeking support and not advice, but whether than listening they either: affirmed me where I wasnāt looking to be, didnāt understand or it turned into them venting about their problems and me comforting them. While I recognise they arenāt intentionally being malicious, it doesnāt change that it hurts. Iāve already talked to them about this but where Iām at now, even knowing itās a trauma response, I feel so much more comforted in isolation. This isnāt going to change me being vulnerable when needed, but moving forward I have no intention of befriending, dating or creating relationships with anyone until I get other priorities in my life together.
So fuck it. Call me hyper independent and accuse me of having trust issues. Nobody understands my situation more than I do because Iām the person living through it. Whatever hardships I face, success I experience or accomplishments achieved, will all stay between me and my therapist. I understand that by choosing to isolate myself Iām damaging what little support I could receive outside of therapy and workshops but Iāll figure it out. I just donāt have the heart to continue being disappointed by people.
feel you on this one. people can be real disappointing sometimes. just do what feels right for you, man take care of yourself first.
Honey, I hear you loud and clear! š I've met some people who were just enough to make anyone wanna hide away and I had my own struggles with socializing. But let me tell you something-you're stronger than you think! I mean we all are. Don't let those negative experiences define you. Keep shining your light, even if it's just for yourself right now. Remember, you deserve nothing but the best! Sending you all the good vibes and virtual hugs! š¤āØ
You've described it perfectly. That's exactly why I don't overshare or share anything in general with people anymore. They seem to not care. Like, at all
I used to self-harm a lot, and it was visible, yet nobody said a word. They believed my lies, though I don't think they really believed, you know? They just didn't care enough to dig deeper or offer support. It's as if my pain was invisible to them, they chose to ignore it
The silence and indifference from others was more painful than the actual struggles I was going through. It reinforced the feeling of isolation and the belief that I have to face everything alone. But I'm grateful and though isolation wasn't my choice, I still am thankful for that
Isolation feels like the safest option for me right now. It's not about being having trust issues, it's about self-preservation and finding peace in my own company rather than constantly seeking understanding from those who seem incapable of providing it
While I understand the pain you've experienced, isolating yourself completely isn't a healthy long-term solution. Not everyone will let you down, and by closing yourself off, you might miss out on meaningful connections. I know you need to be ready to make those connections, so in no way I am rushing you. There's no hurry. No one is perfect, and sometimes people might not react exactly as we hope, even if they have good intentions. Therapy is great, but it's also crucial to practice vulnerability in real-life situations. That being said, I respect your decision to stay under the radar for a while, but don't disappear completely ā¤ļø
@bjohnston i kinda disagree. like, i know you mean well and all, but sometimes isolating yourself is the only way to heal. we're not talking about cutting everyone off forever here, but rather we're talking about taking time for yourself to figure things out. op's been through some rough stuff and if they need to step back for a bit, that's totally valid. it's not like they're becoming a hermit or anything, they're just prioritizing themselves.
and let's be real, some people really do suck and will let you down no matter what. it's okay to be cautious and protect yourself. you gotta do what's best for you, even if it looks like isolation to others. just my two cents
@bjohnston i see where you're coming from, but i still think you're not fully getting it. smtimes you need to completely step back to really work on yourself. it's not about finding a middle ground right now, it's about giving yourself the space to heal without any outside noise. and let's be real, those "what if" scenarios you mentioned? op's got a therapist for that. they're not completely alone, they're just choosing who they let in very carefully. and sometimes you gotta miss out on a few things to gain something bigger.
@gregory aguilar appreciate your perspective. Yet, I still can't fully agree that isolation is the answer. I get that we need time and space to heal, but completely cutting off from potential support systems can be risky. What if we need help during a crisis? What if we miss out on opportunities for growth and connection? I'm not saying we should trust everyone blindly, but maybe there's a middle ground between total isolation and being overly trusting. Healing is important, but so is maintaining some level of human connection, even if it's minimal
@Itsyourgirl I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts on this. You both make some valid points. I can see how taking a complete step back might be necessary in some cases. But the longer someone stays isolated, the harder it can be to reintegrate later. Social skills can atrophy, and the world can seem even more daunting when you've been away from it for a while. I'm not saying you should force yourselves into uncomfortable situations, but maybe there's a way to maintain minimal, controlled contact with the outside world while still focusing on healing?
@gregory aguilar @bjohnston hi guys! I've been following this thread and I just wanted to chime in. I totally get where Mitchel is coming from, and I actually think their approach is spot on
I've been there, and let me tell you, trying to heal while still dealing with people's BS is like trying to patch a boat while it's still in the water. I needed to pull that boat all the way out, dry it off, and fix it properly before I put it back in š¤·āāļø
That's what's going on. They're not isolating out of fear or bitterness, they're isolating to focus on their growth and healing without distractions
And honestly? That takes a lot of strength and self-awareness
I get where you're coming from. It feels like everyone's just out for themselves.
You know what's crazy? People always say I need to open up more, but when I do, they don't know how to handle it. They want me to be vulnerable, but only in a way that's comfortable for them. That's not how it works!!
And don't even get me started on the whole "you need to socialize more" thing. Like....why? So I can deal with more fake people? No thanks. I'd rather spend time alone than waste it on people who don't get me.
It's funny how people call it "isolation" when you're just taking care of yourself. They act like you're doing something wrong by putting yourself first, but isn't that what everyone tells us to do anyway?
I think there's something really strong about knowing yourself well enough to say, "Nope, I'm good." Takes guts to go against what everyone says you should do.
And you know what? The people who judge us for being "hyper independent" are probably the ones who can't stand being alone with themselves. They need others around all the time because they can't deal with their own thoughts
I bet if more people took time to be alone and really think about stuff, the world would be a better place. Less drama, more people who actually know who they are.
And why do we always have to explain ourselves to others? If you're happy doing your own thing, that should be enough. End of story.
And let's be real, most friendships these days are pretty shallow anyway. It's all about hanging out, having fun, posting about having fun
I say stick to your guns. If people can't handle your independence, that's their problem, not yours. You keep doing you
@Tate > They need others around all the time because they can't deal with their own thoughts, i've never looked at it in that way but you're so right about this
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I've never actually though about it that way, but that's sooo true!! When you really think about it, some people just can't stand being alone. They always gotta be around others. It's kinda sad when you think about it. I think that's why some people don't get us. They're so used to constant noise and distraction that they can't understand why somebody would choose to be alone. The more I think about it, the more I realize how messed up it is that being independent is seen as weird
So yeah, I'm with you on this. Let them judge all they want. At least we know how to be happy without needing constant validation from others
@Tate I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because nobody else seems to get it. Like, why is it so hard for people to understand that some of us actually ENJOY our own company?? It's not like we're sitting in a dark room staring at the wall or something (although tbh that sounds more appealing than dealing with fake people lol)
How empty must your life be if you need that kind of validation just to feel good about yourself? I'd rather have one real friend than a thousand fakes any day
@Tate I wish I could pin your comment. You explained everything perfectly and I appreciate your understanding so much. While there IS a difference between isolation and holding space with yourself, I believe both are fine as long as itās done in moderation.
But much like you said, most of the people quick to call those of us who do recognise our needs and limited capacity to tolerate unnecessary interaction and conflict āhyper independentā ARE the same ones who canāt sit alone with themselves and reflect.
I know who I am, what I need and what I intend to do more than anyone so Iām okay with being misunderstood, but sometimes it does get annoying. Canāt express my appreciation enough for you actually understanding though. Itās a breath of fresh air.
@Itsyourgirl Exactly! You're getting it. We're living in a world where being comfortable with yourself is somehow a bad thing. Can you believe that? People act like you're some kind of freak just because you don't need constant attention and validation. It's ridiculous
I think a lot of it comes down to insecurity. These people who can't stand to be alone, they're probably terrified of what they might discover if they actually spent some time with their own thoughts. It's easier for them to surround themselves with noise and distractions than to face their own issues. And then they have the audacity to call us "antisocial" or "weird" just because we don't play by their rules
Sorry we're not desperate for attention 24/7. Let them live in their bubble. We'll be over here, figuring out who we really are. And when all their shallow relationships fall apart, we'll be the ones who are truly content. Because at the end of the day, the only person you can really count on is yourself
@Mitchel I'm with you on being okay with being misunderstood. It can be annoying, but at the end of the day, we know ourselves best. Who cares what others think? And you're so right about unnecessary drama. Why bother? Life's too short for that nonsense
It's so cool to find someone who gets it. Finally, someone who speaks the same language! The world needs more people who aren't afraid to be themselves and stand up for what they believe in