society puts a lot of pressure on women to become mothers, but it's not the only path to a fulfilling life. i decided to prioritize my career, and it's been an incredible journey
financially, not having kids has allowed me to invest in our future, i have the flexibility to take risks in my career and pursue what iām truly passionate about (iām a full-time writer)
of course, there are trade-offs. i won't experience the motherhood or have adult children to connect with later in life. but iāve never been attached to the idea of needing all of that
if you're worried about regret, remember that it can go both ways. some people regret not having kids, while others regret having them. there's no guarantee either way, so the best you can do is make the choice that feels right for you now
wishing you all the best as you navigate this important decision!
Hey there! Just wanted to chime in from a dad's perspective. Becoming a parent is a wild ride, but it's been the most amazing experience of my life. It's okay to be unsure - I was too! Talk to your husband, really communicate your fears and hopes. And remember, there's no perfect time to have kids. You just do your best with what you've got
@calvinrw2451 Agree on this. Girl, I've been there! I was on the fence for years before taking the plunge. There's never a "perfect" time to have kids. Life will always throw curveballs. But being a mom is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. It's changed me in ways I never expected. My career took a backseat for a while, but I found a new balance. Don't let fear hold you back, but also don't rush if you're not ready. Trust your gut!
@calvinrw2451 You hit the nail on the head! It's refreshing to hear a dad's perspective on this. You're so right about that shift in priorities: your whole world view changes overnight
@1990 I remember when my wife and I were trying to decide, we kept waiting for this magical moment of certainty that never came. Eventually, we just took the leap, and I'm so glad we did. It's funny how quickly your priorities shift once that little one arrives. Pure magic. I won't sugarcoat it, bc parenting is tough. There are days when I feel like I'm barely keeping it together. But then my kid does something amazing and it's all worth it. To the OP: it's okay to be scared. Heck, I still get scared sometimes! But don't let that fear paralyze you. Talk to other parents, read books, really imagine what your life might look like with a little one
@Chloƫ you're speaking my language! Becoming a parent has made me a better person in ways I never expected. I'm more patient, more empathetic. Who knew I could function on so little sleep or become an expert at negotiating with a toddler? It's a crash course in personal growth. If you're worried about losing your freedom, just know that it's possible to find a new kind of freedom in parenting. Sure, spontaneous weekend getaways might be trickier, but there's a different kind of adventure in introducing your kid to the world
@calvinrw2451 Mom of 2 right here and I agree with both of you!
I get concerns about career. I was worried about that too. But you know what? Having a kid actually made me more focused and efficient at work. I had to learn to prioritize and manage my time better, which ended up being great for my career in the long run
Yeah, the world can be scary. But raising a kind, compassionate human being? That's how we make the world better
I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give advice on this. To be honest, I have a big fear of pregnancies. The whole process terrifies me so much that I'm not even thinking about having kids myself. But I can share a bit about my mom's experience, if that helps ?
My mom had my siblings and me when she was at her lowest point in life. She always tells us that we helped her get back up. We gave her a reason to keep going. She says that having us made her stronger and more focused.
But I want to be very clear, I'm not saying you should have kids just because it worked out for my mom. Every person is different. What worked for her might not work for you. And it's okay to be unsure or scared. It's a big decision.
I think it's good that you're thinking about this so much. It shows you care. You're not just going along with what everyone else is doing. You're really trying to figure out what's right for you. Respect!
Maybe talking to a therapist could help? They might be able to help you sort out your feelings. Or you could try talking to women who decided not to have kids, as well as moms.
There's no rush. Take your time to think about it. And whatever you decide, it's okay. There's no right or wrong choice here. It's just about what feels right for you and your husband.
I hope you find your answer. And remember, it's okay to change your mind later too. Life is long, we're always growing and changing
@ANGELA hi angela š i know what you mean about the pregnancy fear. i have that too! i even have nightmares about being pregnant, it's so scary to me, glad to know i'm not alone out there. my friends donāt get me at allā¦
@ANGELA omg yes, the nightmares are the worst! š© i wake up all panicky and have to remind myself it was just a dream. i haven't talked to a therapist about it yet, but maybe i should? it's just such a weird thing to be scared of, like, i feel kinda silly about it sometimes š but you're right, it helps to know others feel the same way š¤ do you think this fear affects your thoughts on having kids in general? for me, it definitely makes me lean towards not wanting them, but then i worry i'll regret it later š it's such a confusing thing to deal with!
@ANGELA adoption is definitely something i've thought about! it seems like a great option for people who want kids but don't want to go through pregnancy. i have talked to my partner about it a little bit, but i always feel kinda awkward bringing it up š what if they think i'm being ridiculous? š but you're right, being honest is super important š how about you? have you discussed it with your partner or friends? i'm curious how other people react when you tell them about this fear š¤·āāļø sometimes i feel like people don't really get it unless they've experienced it themselves
@Tammy ā¤ļø It's actually comforting to know someone else feels the same way about pregnancy. Those nightmares sound really rough, I'm sorry you have to deal with that!
Have you ever talked to anyone about this fear? Like a therapist? I've been thinking about doing that myself, just to try and understand where this fear comes from. It's interesting how our minds work. Like, logically I know pregnancy is a natural thing, but emotionally it just feels so scary
@Tammy ā¤ļø I totally get that feeling of waking up panicky! It's not silly at all to be scared, our feelings are valid even if they don't always make sense. And yeah, this fear definitely affects my thoughts on having kids, like you, I'm leaning towards not having them.
But there's always that nagging "What if" in the back of my mind.
Have you ever considered other options, like adoption? Sometimes I think about that as a possibility. It's such a personal decision though. I think the most important thing is to be honest with ourselves and our partners about how we feel
Communication is key here. Your husband's opinion matters as much as yours. Keep talking about it, share your fears and hopes. Even consider couples counseling to work through this decision together. Remember, parenting is a team sport. If you do decide to go for it, you'll want to be on the same page.
OP, I want to circle back to something you mentioned -the societal pressure. It's real, and it can be overwhelming. But here's the thing: society doesn't have to live your life. You do. Whatever choice you make, own it. If you decide to have kids, do it because you want to, not because you feel you should. And if you decide not to, that's equally valid. 24/7 responsibility is intense, no doubt. But it's also incredible how quickly you adapt. You'll discover reserves of strength and patience you never knew you had. And you don't have to do it alone. Lean on your partner, family, friends. It really does take a village. Oh, and about being a good mother? The fact that you're even asking that question suggests you'd be great. Good parents worry about being good parents. It's the ones who think they have it all figured out that you have to watch out for
As a working mom, I want to share my experience with you about balancing motherhood and career. You know, having a kid doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams or ambitions. It's more like your dreams might take on a new shape or direction. I won't sugarcoat it though. There are days when I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions. I'm sure many working moms can relate to that feeling.
But here's the thing - it's not impossible to have both a fulfilling career and a family. In fact, I still have a job that I love and find rewarding. The difference now is that I also get to experience the incredible joy of watching my little boy grow up. It's a whole different kind of fulfillment that I never knew existed before becoming a mom.
That being said, I want to be completely honest with you. Having a child is a huge commitment. It's a lifelong responsibility that changes pretty much every aspect of your life. So, it's absolutely okay if you're not ready for that kind of commitment right now, or if you decide that it's not something you want at all.
I want to make it clear that there's absolutely no shame in choosing to live a child-free life.
However, I also don't want you to completely rule out the idea of having children just because you're worried about your career. There are ways to make it work if that's what you want. Many women (and men) successfully balance parenthood and their careers every day.
Hi,
Life is all about learning. We have not learnt form the very beginning about every aspect in our life like career, marriage to be a wife but these all learning comes because we let ourselves experience it. We give ourselves a chance to dive in it and learn from it each day. It is all about learning from the mistakes, not repeating it and moving on. When you place a burden on yourself will I be a good mother and compare yourself with the other mother it would get difficult for you because each one has a different life to live, with different upbringing, lifestyle, surroundings. Who decides who is a good mother. There is nothing perfect in life so just check how far are you ready to be a mother and learn everyday and not feel that as burden,
how important it is for you to have a child and what would you miss if you don't have one-weigh that to understand what would be right for you.
Remember there is nothing right or wrong to have a child or not. These decision can only be taken based on how strong you are mentally to live with this decision and not regret it. if you are strong, determined and have a great will power then you will face any situation in your life without regretting it. yes you may feel low few days in your life after having a child as it is a huge responsibility but remember this is all process of life. If you accept everything as it comes things would get easier for you. so just think how strong you are to face anything which comes by if you have a child then take a decision but if you would start seeing negative in everything like you can't go for a party as child is not feeling well and you start cribbing you will get stuck in this loop hole of negativity.
You should also take this decision based on clear discussion with your husband of what all sacrifices individually you both may have to make, how will he is for that, how helpful will he and others in the family can be, will you able to hire an external help if required, what happens if you have to work less for some time(career wise), when you say is it fair to bring child in this world. I need to understand what are the fear do you have about it, will you be able to face and fight those fear. writing down and questioning your thought process will help you. it is necessary to write down every thought like career, freedom, 24*7 responsibility and now ask for each of these thoughts what if I have to work less , what if I don't get freedom to do anything after child or what if it is 24*7 responsibility. this will show how prepared you are for it.
It is okay and normal to feel indecisive about being a parents as it comes with its own set responsibilities so take some times and ponder over it. But remember there is nothing perfect, good or right. it is all your notion.