Hi, my question will be somewhat delicate. I’m not quite sure whom to turn to or what to do next, so guess I just need some opinions on the matter.

I work in a library, and we have a mentally handicapped man working with us. I don’t know the details of his condition. He’s in his forties but acts like he’s 16. All my other colleagues are middle-aged women, I’m the only one without a family or kids. When I took the job, that man immediately took a liking to me and it sort of became our routine to chat a bit in the morning and after work. Nothing personal, we talk about favorite music and TV-shows. He tells me what he had cooked for breakfast (he lives with his mother) and the new Lego set he had bought. Initially I thought it was normal work chitchat, especially when we both get bored with repetitive daily tasks. But lately our communication has turned to direct flirting on his side. He always wants to help me with something, even though I don’t need any help. I tried to be polite and friendly, but eventually snapped a couple of times telling him he was distracting me from my work. He got offended and ignored me for several days walking back and forth past my working desk twenty times a day with a blank face. It was actually a relief, but it was not for long, and meanwhile my colleagues kept joking that I’d been rude to “our Jeff”. I secretly hoped he’d stay offended, but he showed up with a rose instead and doubled his flirting. He also became more aggressive, last month he came to work and put his arms on my shoulders asking for “free hugs” all the while smiling like it was something natural. I didn’t know how to react and tried to detach myself as quickly as possible. My colleague who was standing next to me patted him on the back and told him to go do his job, which he did. She finds his attentions to me “cute” and reminds me that he doesn’t fully understand the full consequences of his actions. I’m not sure this is true because he doesn’t act the same way to any other woman, but I never gave him any reasons to believe I’m interested. I took two weeks off before the holidays, hoping that we’ll all take a healthy break from one another and things might change for the better. My friend advised me to treat the man as I treat my female colleagues, to be very reserved and focus on my work. However, I find it hard to follow! I began avoiding our small cafeteria on the first floor and take the pains to have lunch at the mall next to the library, just to avoid any communication with Jeff outside work. It’s both longer and lonelier. I feel uncomfortable when he is around. Two days ago, he grabbed me by the hand near the elevator and tried to hold me, making inappropriate comments about my skirt. I told my manager about it, she shrugged it off, like all my other colleagues do. They think he’s harmless, and I almost feel ashamed for complaining to them. I tried to casually lie to Jeff that I have a boyfriend and am about to get married, and he didn’t show any signs of comprehension at my words, as if I were talking about my brother or about pizza. I feel like I’m some sort of trophy, and I’m supposed to be kind and understanding because I have no mental issues and he has.

So, how to handle this situation appropriately? I don’t want to get Jeff in trouble, but I don’t know how to stop it, without quitting my job? Or should I quit? The pay is not worth it, and the only reason I took it was to pay the bills quickly and because I thought it’s a great relaxing job.

THIS MUST SEEM TOO LONG TO READ AND WILL UNDERSTAND IF ANYONE DON'T WANT TO READ IT BUT I THOUGHT OF SHARING IT. IF YOU READ TILL END THEN I AM ALREADY VERY THANKFUL TO YOU.

I don't know if I am making any progress in life, is it going to make things in my life better or just trying (like a missile with no guidance system) which won't have any good end result. Like is it all just an illusion that I am trying to achieve goals in life and will achieve something which I want to in the end but the end result will be zero (0) because I am not able to do it properly or I am just not able to (or not upto the mark at this stage of my life).

To make things clear, I am 27 years old. Computer Science Engineer with no proper (coding) skills to secure a good job in any company. So basically I have been jobless since I passed out from college which was in 2018. It is not like that all the B.tech graduates in India have good proper skills (right after college) to secure at least a freshers job after passing from college. Even after 2-3 years of passing out there are a lot of options. After 3-4 years of passing out and not having work experience is when the need to acquire good skills is required.

Now, how I got into this situation is by MY OWN DECISIONS. I will make this short as I don't want to explain more than what is required to get to know my situation.

I loved a girl from high school truly and madly. Actually we both loved each other. But I loved her more than she or I would have ever thought of. We broke up after 3.5 years of relationship. Then all in my mind left was just her (like everything about her only) and god knows I cried a lot and even tried a lot to get myself move on in life and make myself successful because breakups happen to almost everyone. But I failed miserably in it and also in my high school board exams too. In the meantime she went through a lot too but she was always smart, mature and she moved on. She went to another city, made friends and also kept in mind about career growth. She also went into relationships (some worked some didn't but now she is in a filmy kind of relationship which means she is like in a dream love affair and will get married soon too). But all these times we kept talking and chatting (as a friend) whenever we got time (meaning whenever she got time because I was always there for her everything from texts to calls like everything). And all those times I just acted that I am okay because I was happy that she is doing good in her life and I always just kept my feelings to myself. But I was in deep pain. Even when I got the chance to get into new relationships I just was not up for it.

Reality was after I lost her I lost everything in my life (except thank god not my family). I started drinking hard, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed and then hard drugs because these things used to give me escape from the reality in which I was living now. I know I should have faced reality head on but I was emotionally too drained and invested in her. I always used to wait a year when she would come back home from college and we used to meet (like 1-2 times max 3 times). And I would just listen to her looking at her (like how a child looks at the toy he/she wants from a toy shop). I never told her what I felt all those times and what it was like meeting her after a year of hoping to meet her. And the tears of mine when she used to leave I remember them so vividly that I can't forget them. This was the only thing which kept me going. That feeling of hope that I will meet her again.

Then sh*t and life both happened and I was left with nothing. Only her memories were and are by my side now. And will always be (no one can take this from me).

Now more hard drugs, drinking and everything happened and my career was down in the gutter. When I used to get sober everyday or every other day dreams of her used to pay me a visit everytime I tried to sleep. Even sleep was like a luxury to me. And feeling depressed was normal. Then relapses of addiction happened again and again.

Right now, I am completely sober for a few months and I still have dreams about her (to remind you yeah even after 13 fuc***g years). That love of mine has changed me completely (I won't be able to explain more about it but for an instance now I don't even laugh properly).

But now I want to be successful in my life. All those things which I turned down because I was not alright I want it now. It will be the only thing which will bring joy into my life because after hitting rock bottom and getting back up takes a lot of courage, strength, dedication and hard work and if I will be able to get back up then in my eyes I will gain my respect again.

I am trying to get certifications so that I can be able to fulfill the career gap which I am having. But the thing is I am not what I used to be. I am not what others in my batch are. I am not able to learn fast. Or if I am able to learn fast I am not able to practice properly to have a grip on the topic or language. I make plans but I fail in fulfilling them. And I wake up everyday feeling depressed because of lots of things (like how my peers have achieved so much till now and where I am now, also about her of course etc). I am angry both at her and myself too. I am angry and I am in a lot of pain too. I feel a range of emotions. I have self doubt. Also recovering from years of drug abuse and it will take time. But somehow I just feel am I not enough anymore or was I ever?

I don't have that confidence left in me. I am trying but I am not even sure if it is going to help or not.

A lot is happening and has happened. I can't even write my feelings, my emotions, my stories (it's overwhelming and too much) but I want it all to end because now I am too fed up. I can't take it anymore. I have to get something which will make me feel I am not a loser (I have been but don't want to be anymore). I know I have been a complete idiot, stupid or whatever you think of me. Also if you felt too much trouble to understand what I tried to express then no worries because I know I am not good at expressing my thoughts, feelings or even articulating words. I am just a loser, a total wreck who is just trying to get back up. Bear with me.  

Idk what I feel I have trouble with identify my emotions and feelings what I know is I feel down and my heart is heavy and racing and its unbearable like there is deep sadness idk for what

My last four men have been about 10 years younger than me. It's socially frowned upon. "Evil tongues" like to say all the worst things they can. I've been thinking about why I choose men younger than me. And a story from my past came to mind. Years ago, I was married to a man of my own age. He loved me very much, we got married and I was sure of his love. When our daughter was born, he became very jealous. I must say that it was not for nothing: in the past, before our marriage, he had seen many men courting me. But after marriage, I never cheated on him. And how could I? I was pregnant, and then I took care of a small child. I always thought he was joking when he laughingly said "coming off duty to check on you." started nagging me to ask what I was doing. while he was at work. I didn't take it seriously because I was busy with the baby. The baby wasn't sleeping well and I was exhausted from it. During the day, the baby slept for 30 minutes at a time, and I had no time for anything. My husband did not understand this, we were only 23 years old. He was young and did not understand childcare. One day we had a fight with my husband, it was a domestic quarrel after which he left for work. My husband was a military man, and he was on duty with a gun. That day he thought I would bring a lover home. So he came home at night to kill me. He said later that he only wanted to scare me. I put the baby to bed and my husband came in with a machine gun. He silently pointed it at me. I'm the kind of person that gets scared afterwards, after the situation. In the situation itself, I realized I needed to hug him. That, my paradoxical behavior, saved me. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. He still had his gun at point-blank range. After a while, I was rescued by his coworker. who realized my husband had gone to the family with a gun. He took the gun away from him and took it out of the house. Then my husband pulled out a gun. And it happened again. I was able to talk him into leaving. And he said, "live," I'll kill the neighbors for you. And he left. I rushed to the baby, and I realized she was asleep. A short time later, I heard an automatic rifle line in the yard. It was very loud. I was angry - he would wake up the baby. This maternal strength allowed me to go out and, being wildly angry, chase him out of the yard with a gun. And that's it, a day later, "I'm screwed." It was a post-traumatic stress disorder that I had been carrying for years. And that's it, a day later, "I'm screwed." It was a post-traumatic stress disorder that I had been carrying for years. I had trouble socializing with men. Then I got over it. It was impossible for me to have relationships with men. I've been able to hang out with men who aren't aggressive at all. It turned out to be a guy 10 years younger than me. I didn't want a close relationship with him, it was unacceptable to me, even though he was an adult. But he wanted it and it worked out. Since then, I have never been able to learn how to socialize with male peers.