I’ve never been in good health for a multitude of reasons, but post escaping an abusive relationship with a covert narcissist I got serious about my wellbeing. I stopped self harming, cut liquor cold turkey and am 500 days sober today, and have been actively working out for 2 years. I’ve adjusted many aspects of my life to ensure I’m physically, mentally and emotionally recovering from the years of poor treatment I’ve either experienced or inflicted on myself.
And just last year May, 2 weeks before my birthday I received notification from my doctor they might’ve discovered a form of cancer. Since then I’ve undergone an influx of tests while trying to do the work at home to at least feel healthy but every time I think it’s going well, another chronic health issue arises.
Sometimes I get nervous about the outcome of everything I’m navigating all at once. I know it’ll be okay but the fear of accurately anticipating the worst, possible scenario sits persistently in the back of my mind. I try to have faith it’ll work in my favour but blind optimism can easily be used as an unhealthy coping mechanism. I’ll keep my head up and try to remain positive, but if it gets to that, I won’t let it stop me from achieving all that I can while I still have time.
Tomorrow I’ll be speaking more with my therapist about it as she was present for me first breaking the news, and we’ve spent a few sessions discussing the matter. I’m nervous as all hell, but I’m going to push through.
