For a long time I didn't dare to write my story on the site. My nightmares have resumed, and I'm again dreaming about a fat drunk man molesting me. He didn't hear the word no and I now feel "dirty". It's been 3 years that I've spent in promiscuous sexual relationships. It was both men and girls. I wanted to get clean, forget everything. But it didn't work, he comes to me in my dreams.... I want to get back at him for making me dirty.... But how? Now he's an alcoholic, he's become worthless. Sometimes my anger at him is so strong that I kill him in a procee: killing in the middle of a computer game

Собственно, сабж. Мне крайне нужна психологическая поддержка, скорее всего, гештальт-терапия, так как меня не отпускают отношения с бывшей пятилетней давности. Также хотелось бы поработать в целом с вопросом чувств и эмпатии. Много раз в жизни меня обвиняли в чёрствости и циничности, когда я банально не мог отрефлексировать эмоции других людей. То есть там пробел у меня явно есть.

Но. И это очень большое Но. Я крайне негативно отношусь к самой идее психологов / психотерапевтов. Мой негатив связан с ужасным опытом общения с врачами разного рода, которые не раз мне демонстрировали свою некомпетентность и вероломность. В частности, мне несколько лет ставили одно угрожающее жизни заболевание и гнали меня на операцию, только моё крайнее недоверие уберегло меня от ножа. В последствии в областном центре этот диагноз был поставлен под сомнение, и в течение нескольких лет мои симптомы прошли в принципе. Пойди я на поводу у некомпетентных врачей, им бы сейчас ничего за это не было. Сказали бы, что я сам давал согласие и бумажки подписывал. Только с врачом чуть проще: если ты ему не доверяешь, просто не делаешь, что он говорит. А с психологом не так – он контролирует моё сознание, то есть я буду под его контролем полностью. Не раз читал, как гипнологи внушали своим клиентам что-то не то или то, о чём клиент не просил. Также боюсь причинения вреда своему психическому здоровью. Как максимально избежать рисков или хотя бы их минимизировать?

In today's complex world, we often have to face a lot of different events and responsibilities that can stir up complicated feelings. Sometimes life becomes overwhelmingly stressful. I’m a practicing psychologist, and I want to share with you some strategies to cope with daily pressures that proved to be useful:

● Make space for self-care.

We all manage stress in different ways. Some self-care basics are getting enough sleep, prioritizing healthy food and getting exercise. Consider what specifically works for you - perhaps, it’s walking in a park on a sunny day, going to a cinema, dancing to your favorite music, meditating or having a warm bath. Make a list of all the activities that help you relax and recharge, and try to do at least one each day.

● Set boundaries.

It's important to recognize situations or people that trigger stress, so you can prepare for them or avoid them when needed. If some situations are hard to escape, set clear boundaries. For instance, at a family gathering, ask relatives not to bring up certain tense topics, or plan an exit strategy if conversations get a bad turn - excuse yourself politely and leave the room until it calms down. Another example: if a friend or a family member always calls you at night when you don’t want to talk, ask them to stop doing it or create a clear time limit on how long you can be on the call.

● Practice being present.

Being present in everyday life helps us enjoy the moment more, be aware of our thoughts and feelings without being caught up in them, and reduces stress and anxiety. Try being fully engaged in whatever you’re doing. The best way to do it is by using all of your 5 senses. Pay attention to the warmth of a hot drink, the aroma and taste of food, the texture of a blanket. Listen closely to your friends and family when you’re with them. As you walk outside, feel the wind or sun on your face and the ground under your feet. Focus on your surroundings, houses, trees and plants, and notice every sound: cars passing, people laughing, birds singing, songs from local cafes.

Focusing on these small details can help us instantly ground ourselves and feel more calm even amongst chaos. You can even create a “calm dawn kit” that will include objects to help you ground yourself at any time: for example, a squeeze ball, a scented cream or a candle, your favorite candies, a recording of nature sounds, a calming picture.

● Take a moment for gratitude.

Studies have shown that being grateful and thinking of positive things helps us cope with stress and improves emotional well-being. Here’s a simple practice that you can try:

- In the morning, after waking up, think of three things you are grateful for at this moment in your life. These can be simple but meaningful things. For example, the warmth and comfort of your home, the support of your loved ones, or the nice weather outside. Allow yourself to immerse in the state of gratitude and enjoy it.

- In the evening, before you go to bed, think about the past day. Remember three positive events that happened during the day - whether they were big events or small joys. For example, you had a great chat with a friend, tried a new dish in a cafe, watched a good movie, completed a task or just got through the day. Also allow yourself to feel gratitude for these moments.

For a better effect, write these things down as you think about them. It’s okay if you have a hard time feeling gratitude right away. Keep doing the practice on a regular basis and over time you may notice it feeling more natural.

● Reach out for support.

There’s something very healing in human connections and in knowing that we’re not alone in our struggles. Don't hesitate to reach out to close friends or family members you trust. Share your concerns and feelings with them. If there’s no one you can talk to, call a mental health helpline in your country. A person on the other line will listen empathetically and help you deal with these difficult emotions. It also can be helpful to search for local support groups where you can share your stories and talk about what’s bothering you in a safe environment. And if you feel like the stress is becoming too overwhelming, consider reaching out to a counselor or a therapist that will help you find the root of your problem and figure out ways to overcome it.

I hope these tips give you some ideas to make each day feel more manageable and less overwhelming. The key is to gently experiment with self-care strategies until you find what works for your needs. Feel free to share any other coping strategies that you find useful.

A Heartfelt Thank You to the Feel You Community: A Journey of Hope and Transformation

Dear Feel You Community,

As I sit here, pouring my heart out onto this screen, I am overcome with emotions that words alone cannot adequately express. The journey I have traveled in the presence of this remarkable community has been nothing short of transformative. From the depths of despair to a place of hope, from loneliness to a sense of belonging, you have been my guiding light, my pillars of strength, and my unwavering support.

Not too long ago, I found myself in the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. The weight of discovering my true sexual orientation and the subsequent rejection and hostility from my own family had shattered my world. I was lost, drowning in fear, and contemplating an unthinkable end. But then, in my darkest hour, I reached out to this community—a community that would change the trajectory of my life forever.

To each and every one of you who took the time to read my posts, who poured out your hearts in the comments, who shared your own stories of struggle and triumph, I want you to know that you saved me. Your words of encouragement, your empathy, and your unwavering support reached across the digital space and touched the depths of my soul. In that moment, I realized I was not alone. I found solace in your kindness, strength in your understanding, and hope in your shared experiences.

To the visionary minds behind Feel You, I am forever grateful. You have created a platform that goes far beyond the ordinary—a sanctuary where individuals from all walks of life can find solace, understanding, and connection. Through your creation, you have given me a lifeline, a virtual family, and the courage to choose life when all seemed lost. The impact of your vision cannot be understated, for it has saved lives, mended broken spirits, and ignited a spark of change that will forever burn bright.

There is a misconception I would like to address, one that arose from my recent post. Some of you believed that I had left Uganda in search of safety and sanctuary in a foreign land. While relocation was suggested to me by various organizations, including the remarkable Trevor Project, I made the difficult decision to stay. You see, my purpose, my calling, lies within Uganda itself. I want to be a catalyst for lasting change within my own country. I want to stand tall and be a beacon of hope for those who face similar struggles and discrimination. My aim is to make a difference, not only for the LGBTQ+ community, but for anyone who experiences discrimination based on disability, race, politics, religion, gender, or any other factor that sets them apart. It will be an uphill battle, but with the unwavering support of this incredible community, I know we can overcome any obstacles that come our way, step by step.

In the midst of my tumultuous journey, there is one person I must acknowledge—a dear friend who has provided me with a safe haven amidst the storm. Just a few days ago, I mustered the courage to reveal my truth to him. I expected rejection, judgment, and misunderstanding. But instead, something miraculous happened. He listened, truly listened, with an open heart and an open mind. And as he absorbed the comments and stories shared by this community, something shifted within him. He began to understand the depth of my pain, the magnitude of my challenges. This newfound acceptance from someone I thought would never comprehend my experiences has made this one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I am grateful for his transformation, for his unwavering support, and for reminding me that change is possible, even in the unlikeliest of places.

In my previous post, I neglected to outline how those who are willing to support my cause can help. For those who prefer to contribute through Air Funding, I have included a fundraising link at the bottom of this message. If international transfers like Western Union are more suitable, please kindly email me at hankjayden168@gmail.com for further details. I am also open to any suggestions or advice from the members of my newfound family, for I am a 21-year-old Ugandan who has much to learn. Your guidance and support are invaluable on this journey of ours.

To the organizations I reached out to, including the Trevor Project, Amnesty International, BBC, Al Jazeera, CNN, France 24, International Rescue Committee, and others, I must be honest and say that the support I received did not meet my expectations. While I understand that these organizations have their own boundaries and limitations, it is the Feel You community that has provided me with the comfort, strength, and hope that I needed. You have shown me that true support knows no boundaries and transcends distance.

If I am successful in my ambitions to bring about change through my project, I will not need to hire advisors, for I have found the best advisors within the Feel You community. You have saved my life and helped me discover my purpose. Your wisdom and guidancewill be my compass as I navigate uncharted waters. Together, we can make a difference that resonates far beyond our individual experiences.

Closing my eyes, I can feel the profound impact each of you has had on my life. My biological family may have turned their backs on me, but I have found a new family—the Feel You family. In your invisible presence, your collective love and support radiate through the depths of my being. You have transformed my despair into determination, my hopelessness into a burning desire to create change. With your unwavering support, I will continue to fight for a world that embraces diversity, compassion, and equality.

As I conclude this letter, I want to express my gratitude once again, from the depths of my soul. Thank you for being the light that guided me through my darkest moments. Thank you for reminding me that there is strength in vulnerability, beauty in authenticity, and hope in the face of adversity. Together, we are forging a path towards a brighter future—a future where love triumphs over hate, where acceptance eclipses discrimination, and where every individual can live their truth without fear.

With profound gratitude and an unyielding spirit.