what a bad story that happened to you!!! how you are worried!!! did you go to the police? to a therapist? it is not easy to forget such things... don't think you are dirty....
Poor thing! You've been through so much.... Such events...your image of "dirt" was made by yourself..... So in your thoughts, "wash yourself" little by little. Just imagine it and wash it.
poor you are in so much pain...I don't even know how to comfort you...you are not dirty, the dirty one is the one who did it...you need some serious help from a therapist.... you kill it in a computer game, try to let it go there...and not remember it anymore....
My sympathy to you! it seems to me that you are as lonely as I am...you had a difficult situation...but you have to continue to live. and find a reason to enjoy life...I too am not needed by anyone, but I live somehow, live my days...by the way, I will try, like you to kill their offenders in computer games
If you are relieved by taking out aggression on that person, try to do it mentally
@Veena Choudhary Thank you for your support and willingness to help! yes, my trauma is deep, I will try your tips.
kindly consider seeking counselling to help you overcome this. try taking legal action.
These psychological effects of trauma is lingering in your head from long time. Flashback form the experience along with intense fear and panic can arise unexpectedly during your day to day life. so kindly seek a therapy where therapist would provide various techniques to help you overcome the effects of any trauma you are holding on to.
One of the most important step is to realise that its not your fault that you were being abused. Stop using words like dirty.
After such abuse it may take some time before you feel like yourself again. During this time you may feel frustrated, but it's important you do not take out this frustration on yourself. Rather accept that you will need time to recover and it is a challenging process. Imagine if any of your near dear ones are going through what do you think you would have done to help them out, what you would have said to them. Kindly use those same words and compassion for yourself. Extend some empathy for yourself.
*Write about your thoughts and feelings:
Start writing a journal where you express out everyday what you are feeling. Generally writing down your feelings benefits from describing the abuse you endured.
*Question yourself:
i want you to think and write this down:
>>>> what do you want to do if u meet that person?
>>>> what according to you is the best punishment you can give him?
>>>> As you have said anger is so strong that i kill him in a computer game? after doing that what do you feel? how do you feel? Does it change the entire feeling?
>>>> If it doesn't change the entire feeling then what are you planning to do?
Think about all this and answer it will help you with emotions running inside you.
The best thing you can do is to regain control over your life. Start making decision about your recovery and future and try reaching a therapist.