So first things, This will be really long. I am really sorry about that and will be really thankfull if someone know the answer to my problem.

My name is Aldi, you can call me smam or aldi. I am 21 years old and currently doing thesis at my bachelor degree and have full time job + side job + enterpreneurship or building business with other people. I am the youngest from my brothers and i have 3 brothers, my family is kinda poor so i need to work extra hard to fullfill me and my family needs.

From primary school, I'll always getting bullied. In primary school i am getting bullied because i am really bad at sport, cant socialize much, and didn't really want to do bad things. There's only some people bully me tho but the bullying comes with physical (punching, kicking, etc) and verbal type. But i still got a really good friend, i still remember how kind he is and one time he teach me how to punch properly too but i never have the courage to do that before. I always hoping that primary school year will be done, then come middle school years. In the middle school i got much bigger problem, i have even less friend and the bully comes in group now. I still remember that the bully group will always wait me after school to do stuff you know what will happen, day by day i either rush to go home quickly or go out with the teacher. I always saying thanks to the teacher and the teacher looks really confused. Some of the time i got ganged up too, got punched in the gut, it really hurts. My only peace time in middle school is when i got into academic competition, my school will teach me in different room when class time so i dont need to attend class and meet with the bully group. Thankfully i am really good at mathematic so about 1/4 to half of my middle school time is spent on the special class for special student to learn for the competition. But thinking back i think i joinned up the competition so i dont get bullyed, but yeah day by day is like hell when i am in normal class and really hoping for middle school years to pass. To this year i still remember the name of the one who bully me, sometimes i search the leader who bully me, or the one who bully me. Most of the time i dont find their profile in internet, some ignore my chat, few people just said its in the past and it doesn't matter. It really hurts and haunt me sometime, to add some salt in the wound. I have friend in the middle school, but they betrayed me because they are afraid to get bullied to if they are become my friend. In high school, the difficulty seems to be lowered in a sense, except the lower difficulty is a fake. The bully still takes in group, but i managed to get some friends that want to talk and befriend with me, most of the time in school they hang out with the bully group but some time they have a nice chat with me. It's looks like a good time to me, until i found out its all a lie. The teacher hate me because i am strange and to strict (maybe because i dont want to do bad stuff, maybe because the teacher feel that handling one people is easier), my friend talk bad behind me when i am not in class, ect. I feel really betrayed, I dont even know who is my friend anymore and how to find a good friend. things maybe easier in the pyhsical bullying department compared to the middle school, but damn it is hurt in my heart.

You all maybe asking, why did stand idle or didnt ask for help? I do ask for help, a lot of time in fact. When i ask for my parent help, they only come to school and told the bully nicely (literally) to stop bully me. And you know what happen? it become worse because i am called a snitch and the bully become more aggressive. asking a teacher will result in the same stuff happening, either they told the bully or both of us going in discussion with teacher in middle one time then next day i got bullied more. Once my parent said for me to ask the bully forgiveness myself to stop bully me, but hell its only got worse. Lot of time people said to ignore the verbal bullying, I can ignore it but there is a cost to that and i will explain it later. Fighting off myself is impossible because they gank in group, my only saving grace is when i got separated because i need to study for competition.

In home, its not really a good place too. I must always yield/give in everytime, when i have a problem with my brother then i need to be the one to say sorry or they wont talk to me (my parent said that) then i need to kneel down and say sorry to them. My brother always got supported more for their school needs, When i make money then i need to pay for their necessities too. Last time i got in a fight with my brother, it is getting heated then my parents become sick because they are embarassed if neighbour heard our fight. So i need to backdown but my brother keep badmouthing me saying i am a thief ect. If you want the context, the internet package got depleted really fast and my brother have the tendency to blame others. I give every proof that when i use the wifi or i am not using the wifi (because i am not home and working far from home) and the internet package get depleted fast too. But my parents always ask me to back down and be patient. Right and wrong become gray to me, if being bad have no consequences and become more happy then why should i be good? why should i the one to back down? but yeah thats only one example of the problem.

For my university days, the first and second semester is really busy because orientation so not much stuff happening. In the second semester covid comes then everything become online so nothing interesting happen (maybe if covid not coming i will be bullied again?). Online classes keep happening till my last year, i only need to be patient at home and honestly its better than in school because i am not having problem with my brother everytime. Its just for my thesis, i need to do it by 3 people team. I choose my own member, the first one is my personal friend (yeah stupid me, i dont know if he is really my friend but i am having good time gaming with him) and the other one is someone who is really good at my thesis topic. Because i am always failing and need to take extra step and really cautious then i always plan ahead and choosing best member. I do the 60-80% part of the thesis and the rest is divided between my other member, i provided the necessary tool out of my pocket money even though i am really hard on money too so they can do their task easily. but what happen? THEY IGNORED ME FOR MORE THAN 6 MONTHS, i got really depressed because i need to graduate so my salary will increase and i hopefully theres some money left for me to enjoy (thats right, every month i always out of money because my parents will always ask for it like for my brother necessities). My brother didnt even have a job, they always ask for money then go out from home to look for job (its just empty words). But stupidly my parents always believe it and they got so much in debt because my brother sweet words. FYI my brother is 35+ years old now and they dont have a single job experience, they always get supported but i dont because i can fill my own necessities. Like i know i can fullfill my own necessities but its still really hard to see when my brother got provided with money but i need to work my ass off to pay for my college. FYI again My 2nd and 3rd brother is 35 years old with no experience and my 1st brother is 38 years old with full time experience but he got cancer and i need to help for paying the treatment too.

The problem i said above is just a glimpse of it, most of the time i always failed or the odds is stacked again me so i need to plan ahead and being extra carefull. Even though like that i still get screwed off sometime like my thesis that currently happening. My enterpreneurship with my friend where my friend work less and didnt answer my chat, I want to cut off the partnership but i still got a client that need to be done because my name is on it (hell the client is really slow too to provide what i need to finish the project).

Now lets talk what i feel and my problem is:

1. I am having a hard time trusting people
2. Got a bad dream sometime about the bad stuff happening to me like bullying and waking up really tired.
3. Can't smile because i always put poker face when i got verbally bullied.
4. Got really cold attitude and dont have any feeling, when my friend in primary school got an accident i didnt feel anything but i know that i must feel something because he is my friend. My oldest brother got cancer but i still dont feel any remorse at all.
5. Having anxiety, low self-esteem, closing my eyes and cant look at people when i speak, my legs and body really shaking when talking to people especially group of people.thats strange tho because i am a leader type in my job so i cant have these traits
6. Having really negative though, like i think that dying is better because i wont get any problem at all. Logically thats true, but on the one side i must keep living and never give up plus my religion said suicide is not allowed.
7. Envy when looking people happy, I dont know why its just i want to have a good childhood and life like them.
8. Got confused and self conflicting a lot.
9. My emotion is always jumping high and low, but i always keep it to my self and not showing it. Other people wont like it when i got mad right? but i am really happy when i do gaming and stuff i like.
10. Right now i am procastinating for my thesis, I need to do my thesis. but the stuff that left to be finished is the side that i am not really good at (designing stuff and learning new stuff), it should be where my two friend shine and good at. I try to learn it but sometime i lost motivation or my head hurts, but i need to do my thesis so my salary will Increase.

Someone, anyone please help. I really want to talk to therapy but i always self conflicting, on one side its really pricey and on one side i need to know a way to solve my problem. Hope someone can help me. I am really thankfull if you read it this far, and even more thankfull if you can give me some thought. Thanks!

My dad is 45 around and he is having an affair with his colleague i found out in 2014 and i don't know how much before it started

He always deletes the messages he sends to her always deletes call history I don't know what to do in it can anybody give any suggestions

It doesn't ends here

There's a twist in it too

There's also another women he is having an affair with it but I doubt about that the girl on other side calls him brother but my dad does same here too deletes all messages and call logs and even also saves her name with some random guy name and talks with her for hours

Also here's a twist too

My mom knows all of this things but she doesn't raises a voice against him I don't know why

And when I talked this thing to my grandfather he supports my father's decision and says we have to stay mum

My mother does every things to make our financial condition better and my father goes in job but not earns that much

SOMEBODY'S GOTTA HELP ME

Me and my boyfriend are dating since 5 years , everything was fine in the first year , but later on he started loose intrest in me , he never treated me like I was his gf , i always felt lonely around him , we study in same college but different department postings , we usually meet when we have breakfast and lunch but he'll accompanied by his friends, he totally forgets that I'm with him , and even in the evening he hardly spends for 5 mins , when i ask him for time he always says i shld be happy with wt time he gave me , I never asked him for anything except for his time and talk, I got so fed up thought to break up , but he didn't let me go . His behaviour kept becoming worse he Started to abuse, we had two sever fights i slapped him and bet me so hard the got blood clot in my skin had headache for 4 days , when I tell him anything about how I feel , he kept saying I'm a good boyfriend, I do ntg for u , and so on .. he gave frns from his school who went to same tusion with him , idk anything about her she stay 400 miles away from us , I know that he text with her , but everytime I see the chat history will be deleted with her , the phone call history too , recently there was a chat he forgot to delete in that he asked her can he call . I asked him about that that he got offended we had a fight about y he kept on deleting the chat , if there was ntg to be afraid and normal chat y would I be mad , he told me he'll stop deleting the chats , but he did it again today, when I asked him about that y he deleted the chat he started speaking about how he's loyal to me no one will be loyal , he's not cheating and I don't deserve loyal boyfriend and so on , again i told him im not asking about texting her I'm asking about y he deleted the chat even after he told he won't , he always lied and manipulates me but this time it was so obvious, he started to bad mouth me , he even told I shld suicide that ppl around me can be in peace , i don't let him to be in peace , he doesn't care about me and my fellings , when ever we had fight, i get hurt he tell me to let go off it , but I can't coz I got hurt so badly by the person I loved , the next day or the very next moment he comes and talks to me as ntg happened between us , and past few months we never had a proper love conversation , when ever we are together i prefer to talk to spend quality time , but he's behind sex , he never talk to me with love or affection how can he expect me to be okay when he asked for sex , he gets angry about that too , so because my behaviour he sayshe lost peace in his life , I know I'm not perfect but I'm not bad to be told to die ..

My slow ADHD kid is gonna drive me crazy. My child has ADHD, and I came across an article about it. I want to share my experience with you. People often assume kids with ADHD are always hyperactive, but that's not the case for my child. In fact, my child sits all day or sleeps. It makes me sad to see him struggle, but we're working on finding ways to help him. He completes his school assignments at a sluggish pace and becomes fatigued rapidly. For instance, when it's time for homework, my child often just stares off into space. I have to work hard to keep his focus on the lessons. Even when we finally get started on the assignments, he gets tired very quickly. That's all. It's difficult for my child to concentrate in school, as he tends to daydream or doze off during classes. There's no point in hurrying. Scolding doesn't work. The child cries, which makes it impossible to continue with homework or engage them in the task. They cry for a while and then fall asleep. I'm unsure how to motivate them to study in school. He enjoys playing games on his cellphone, but after an hour of playing, he has outbursts. I'm having tantrums, too. I cry too. I can slap the baby. I'm ashamed of it. Then my husband comes and starts yelling at the child for not doing his homework. The child can do some of the assignments still. The next day he doesn't remember almost everything we taught him at home. He gets low grades at school. I don't know what to do anymore.