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Our free therapy courses to cope with anxiety
Dr. Elisabeth Jones
1y
Specialist

Hello!

The situation is really difficult. Advice like “never mind” or “think positive” won’t work here. Humans are social beings, each of us needs to be the part of society and get support from other people. When others ignore you for whatever reason, it can really hurt. More or less we are all dependent on other people’s approval. The origin of this mechanism goes back to the times of primitive society, when it was impossible to survive outside the tribe, while the possibility of being kicked out literally meant death. These times are gone, but our primitive evolution mechanism remained unchanged. That’s why we are hurt when someone underestimates us.

In order to solve this difficult situation and find the way out I recommend you asking yourself a few questions. “Are people around me really laugh at me? Do they really think negatively about me?” Judging by what you’ve written, it seems like you are absolutely sure they do. But I recommend you analyze everything once again and realize if it’s true or not. Why do I insist on it? As a matter of fact, various negative beliefs and patterns are formed in our childhood based on our personal experience and under the influence of parents and other respectable people. For example, if a boy was constantly told that he was clumsy and weak, he would behave like one and believe in it even when the situation changes. When we grow older we percept our reality through the prism of our beliefs subconsciously. This can be compared to looking at the world through a distorted mirror.

So first of all I suggest doing a test-drive of your inner beliefs about what is real and what is not. Take a sheet of paper and write down all negative beliefs you have about yourself in one column. For example, “I am clumsy. I am weird. I am shy” and so on. Then put a plus or a minus against each statement. Give it a “+” sign if you think that this statement is true and applies to you. And put a “-“ sign if it’s not. If there is a plus sign, write 2-3 facts proving this statement. For example: “I am clumsy because I always drop things down”. Don’t invent these facts deliberately, they should really concern you. After such an analysis you will see that some of the statements are not true and can’t be applied to you because there are no facts confirming their existence.

Then turn this sheet of paper over and write down only those statements which are true. Opposite each of them write a sentence starting with the word “But…”. For example: “I am weird. But I am unique”. Or “I am shy. But I am tactful and polite when talking to other people”. None of us is perfect. Yet not everything we perceive as negative is negative. Each our trait of character has two sides, one of which possesses only positive qualities.

To conclude I would like to say that other people tend to criticize you for something which they continuously ignore in themselves. This is called a transfer in psychology. The fact that other people blame you for certain qualities, means that they don’t see and don’t want to accept the same qualities in themselves. Finding another victim is much easier for them.

ah
ahaan
1y

I am really glad to see your positive mindset, I like how you encourage yourself to challenge your negative thoughts, do you know that very few are capable of that, very few are capable of challenging their own self their comfort zone in search of something better, and that makes me so proud being a mere stranger, all you need now is to stop thinking about those who are judging you, I know these ugly people exist who have entertainment through bullying or something, you need to keep one thing in mind you're already superior if you're being talked about, and the one talking about you are obsessed with you, and try saying that on their face too, either they'll defend it or they accept it but in both scenarios they'll stop talking shit about you ;)

bu
bubu
1y

you don't need to ignore people because they don't care about you, you need to ignore them and their opinion about you because they care way too much about your life, so much that they can cause mental harm to you, you need to learn to ignore them , and build a protective shell around yourself, where you don't have to care who they are what they think about it, and stay like that, because nothing is worth more than your happiness, do what makes you happy, feel what makes you feel levitated, just don't hold yourself back because of these bullies, you're strong and they are laughing at you to keep you under the covers because even they realize you can be deadly when you realize your potential so do not care about them, and believe in yourself, stick to your self esteem at times when needed

sh
shanaya
1y

You need to start believing in yourself, basic rule, when you trust yourself your plan your ideas, you become a whole different personality with all that confidence

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