I risk to sound stupid, but I think I’ve suddenly realized I feel afraid in tight spaces. I don’t know what changed. This never used to be a problem before. Maybe when I was younger, I was smaller and somehow such places didn’t seem tight? Or maybe I knew less when younger and had more optimistic views? Not sure. All I know is I can’t handle being in rooms with no exit. It’s not just a feeling of unease or feeling uncomfortable… I feel dread. My lungs begin to fail me, and I sense a rising sense of panic. The problem is I’m not talking about the obvious fears like elevators, those can be avoided by taking the stairs. Recently I’ve caught myself being anxious when I am in closed spaces with a lot of people! The first time it happened, I was in an underground nightclub with two of my friends. The place is popular, many people visit it every night. And I think I was the first person in history to almost faint shortly after we arrived there. I felt nervous the moment we descended a narrow staircase, maybe because the club was packed with people, and I don’t like such places. While my friends were having their first round of shots, my brain was calculating how fast this place would get on fire and how many people would be able to get out at once using that staircase! I convinced myself that it was the smell of cigarettes and sweat that went to my head and made me dizzy. But how can I explain that I get the shivers when my niece watches a scene where the main character finds himself inside the belly of a monster?? Me, the 25-year-old grownup, has to turn away to stop my mind from picturing myself inside that slimy bag of skin! My last straw was my panic in the theater on Saturday night that almost made my fiancée call the ambulance… I think I fear my sense of fear more than anything else now! We were sitting in the middle, with narrow rows of seats and a palpable sense of closeness to other people in front of me and behind. All my mind could think of was this crowd, and the distance to the closest exit. When the lights dimmed and the person to the right from me took his seat, I went off the rails… The urge to flee, to escape the confinement of the room was more than any desire to see the show. My fiancée said he saw the blood literally drain out of my face. What do I do now? Do I have to avoid crowded events now, and meticulously plan my routes to ensure escape?? What if I begin to fear flying? After all, it’s technically sitting with a bunch of people in a metallic box in thin air. This is crazy. 😫

I am constantly thinking up rituals.... that will save me from something terrible...I realize with my mind that it will not help, but I do the rituals...It goes automatically...How would I get rid of it.... For example, when I start to feel anxious, I get compulsive hand tics. You can see it. And the anxiety gets less. I realize it has nothing to do with my anxiety decreasing, but the tics are there. And it doesn't look good on people. I have a habit of not stepping on cracks and manholes. When I see a coin lying on the ground, I have a fear that I will have a bad day. If I met a woman in the morning . it would also be a bad day...My nervous tics manifest themselves while driving...I get very nervous on the road...I even skinned my first steering wheel . Someone chews on my legs, and I rip off the steering wheel...It was in a foam cover, and I was at a stoplight, and I forged "holes" in it. something instead of a soft toy. My "ragged" steering wheel looked like an "experienced" steering wheel and made, oddly enough, a good impression on women. Because I had "scratched" the car many times, I polished it many times. and my car looked very good. Outside of the shen there is no way you could tell it was the car of someone who is afraid and doesn't know how to drive. Lately, I've developed a "wheel neurosis". I started to fear that my wheels would fall off when I was driving. And this is in my 8th year of driving experience. It's a very difficult condition for me because I'm really afraid of getting into an accident. I'd drive out and start listening. I'd hear a thump. And that's it, my neurosis begins. I had images of myself flying into an oncoming car, then a scone from the car...and I started pounding. So I went to a couple of repair shops. And there was done everything they could do to take money from me. But I heard a thump. I changed a bunch of parts that hold and spin the wheel. For a while I was feeling better. At home, I listened to wheel knocking on the internet for various faults (there is such a site), and searched for my wheel. I did not know that I had "musical hearing", I never sang or played musical instruments. At the mother's room, they took me for a fool at first. Then they respected me when they found a broken bearing (next to the tire). Then I decided to buy a perfectly new tire so it wouldn't "rustle". because mine was worn down unevenly. After that I had a nervous breakdown. I drove away from the workshop and heard a strong "rustling". I told my wife that the wheels had been badly put on, apparently. She said, "It's just your imagination." So I drove down the street. It was a big bang, I was pounding. I stopped, I looked at the wheels, nothing outside... I was wet with sweat, fear, and I already realized that here we go! It's time for the wheels to fall off...And then my wife started laughing...and the rumbling disappeared. by the way. "Look, the labels from the wheels have fallen off"-said she....Oh, yes...big labels with the price and other things were glued on the tread of the wheels...the service workers did not take them off...and I heard the paper hitting the road surface.... My wife says I'm sick...and I don't know...but I'll go again tomorrow and listen to the wheels.....

Hello there, I’ve been getting mental health therapy for almost a year, it has been helpful.

My current problem is all the extra weight I’ve suddenly gained. I’ve always been average / thin. My eating habits have not changed, so I’m not even sure I chose the right category to post in! I might have begun eating *a little* bit more sweets and energy bars, but I’m a vegetarian. My diet is very healthy. I am eating sugar and carbs, but no more than before. People online say it’s not possible to gain weight on these meds unless I’m eating more.

Right now I literally have to make a choice: either to significantly reduce the intake of tasty foods and go on a very strict diet, or to quit my meds (an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer).

Has anyone gone through a similar situation? I want to stop taking my meds because my body is out of control, and I don’t want to count calories. This development is more damaging than my anxiety and depression. I used to be able to eat anything and stay the same weight. I’d rather be unhappy than fat, honestly. I already feel my anxiety coming back every time I look in the mirror.

Today, I spent the entire day reflecting on my situation and convinced myself that things would be different this time around. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case and I relapsed once again. This has been happening consistently for over a week now, and it's starting to take a toll on me. I had a particularly rough day last Friday, which led to my worst relapse in months, right after a successful no porno streak. I managed to stay clean for a couple of days, but my roommate has left and it triggered a daily cycle of relapses. Although I try to convince myself that tomorrow will be different, I always give in to my urges. It's been months since it's been this bad, and I'm starting to worry that I'm wasting my life. Relapsing not only affects me mentally but also socially. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.