As of August 10th, 2024 I’m 1 year and 9 months sober. While sobriety wasn’t intended, it was surviving a covert narcissist that used alcohol as a means to continuously assault me that inspired the journey. Among other things, getting my shit together was all I cared to do after experiencing the hell I endured.
Now almost 2 years later I’m alive and thriving. I’m navigating life with a sense of direction and everything I do comes from a place of love. I’m slowing down, giving myself time to process things, I’m trusting my intuition more and fearlessly pursuing my passions.
June 30th, 2024 I met someone at a concert. Instantly, we hit it off and started going on dates. It was followed by frequent texting, regular dates, breathtaking sex, conversations about the future and sharing bits of our pasts. Everything seemed well, until it didn’t. Even with me creating safe spaces to have open discussions about concerns, it resulted in me having to disassociate because my intuition and body started to warn me something was wrong.
For full context please refer to my previous, recent post (Listen To Your Body)
I trust in my decision more than anything to separate from whatever doesn’t positively serve me, however because I wanted to give myself closure, I caved and responded to the texts my now former romantic interest sent. I understand that closure might not be achievable in every conflict but possible, I’d like to give it to myself and whoever else.
Before reaching responding to the texts, I gave myself time to mentally and emotionally prepare. I wrote down questions like, “Why am I reconnecting?”, “What do I want to say?”, “What am I expecting to gain out of this interaction?”, etc. Once I gathered myself, I responded communicating my grievances and asked to arrange time for us to speak.
After scheduling everything, I went on to enjoy celebrating 21 months sobriety. It started with me waking up feeling refreshed. I spent 15 minutes cleaning my room, I showered, cooked myself breakfast and caught up on current events. Then I worked through my self care routine. I checked in with friends, gifted a stranger a handmade care package, played in the park, brought some protection charms I plan to give loved ones, and spent the evening relaxing at home.
This evening at 18:00, August 11th, he’s coming over to speak. I’ve already prepared and decided that I’m going to go no contact for good, but I want to give him a protection charm to wish him well. After everything, I don’t think that we’d be a great fit for one another and the conflict of interests would create unhealthy tension. Recognising this, I’d rather us work on ourselves/priorities until we find someone’s whose desires are in alignment with our longterm goals.
Initially acknowledging this hurt, but I’ve taken all the time to reflect so now I’m able to have this conversation from a levelheaded perspective. Even though everything was short lived, I appreciate getting to experience what I imagine healthy conflict in a relationship would look like. It gives me hope, and I’m glad I had this learning opportunity. My heart will hurt every now and then reflecting but it’s for the best.
I understand the phase you are going through and I believe staying clean and away from something isn't that easy how it's shown that people leave once and leave forever, no they relapse, they lose their hopes at times but what matters is you pick yourself up again and do it again, and this time maybe you'll take longer to relapse but we atleast got a difference
Also as I have studied cutting off a certain food or drug or alcohol or habit anything very quick and hard will not work, but if you set limits and then keep reducing those limits yes that will work like magic
I can feel you my friend, here are some ways which can help you in getting away from relapse triggers but, before I spill those I want to tell you that never forget to acknowledge your journey and success so far, never forget to talk to yourself and praise yourself everyday, never forget yourself more on the days you made a mistake, never forget to forgive yourself after a relapse, just make sure to never give up, and get up again and do it again, as we say better a relapse than being completed addicted, here's some tips which can help -
Get help. When you recognize the signs or feel yourself starting to slip, making it a point to get help right away. The situation won’t go away on its own. You need to be proactive. Step up meeting attendance. Maybe you’ve slacked off or seriously cut down on self-help or 12-step meeting attendance. This is the time when you need to step it up again. If you’ve only been going once a week or once a month, start going several times a week, even daily. You need support from this network to reinforce your commitment to sobriety. Ask for support from family and friends. No one knows you better than your family, and these are the people most crucial to your ongoing efforts to remain sober —or come back from relapse should it occur. Ask them for help in supporting your goals. Also, ask your friends for their support and encouragement. Lighten your load. Very often, what happens is that you get back into the thick of things at work or school or home and quickly become overwhelmed. You take on too much and find you cannot possibly deliver. The key here is to lighten the load. Only tackle what you must immediately handle. Concentrate on working on your recovery. That should be your foremost priority. Stick to the essentials. After you pare down your workload, it’s a good idea to start sticking to the essentials. Tend to your daily recovery routine, read recovery-oriented or other inspirational literature, spend time with positive people, and pace yourself. Pay attention to your body’s needs. You are still in recovery. It may take quite some time to heal properly. You are better equipped to deal with the threat of relapse when your body is strong. Eat nutritious foods, drink water, get at least eight to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep, and exercise daily. Keep a list of coping tips with you at all times. You never know when a sudden craving will overtake you or when you’ll encounter triggers that may be too powerful to overcome without help. Have a list of coping tips with you at all times that you can quickly refer to and implement on a moment’s notice. This is all part of having an effective and workable plan. Work hard, but take time for you. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel — trying to dig your way out of relapse or potential relapse — means having the will and giving yourself permission to not only work hard at your recovery but also to take the time that you need for you. This means making time to have fun, to engage in recreational, entertainment, educational, or other pursuits that you enjoy. Tap into your spiritual side. Meditate, do yoga, go for walks in nature, pray or devote yourself to self-reflection and contemplation of what means the most to you in life. Your spiritual nature needs nurturing as well as your physical, mental, and emotional self.Be kind to yourself. Even if you deal with a relapse, don’t beat yourself up. The tendency to be hypercritical and tough on yourself will be hard to overcome, but you’ll need to adjust your thoughts to learn how to be kind to yourself.