I know work problems are extremely common in people with bipolar disorder and I am no exception. One day I excel, the next day…yikes. I currently work for my best friend, it has been a blessing in many ways because he understands my needs and where I’m coming from. The problem is, I’ve gotten too comfortable with his understanding. When I’m having an off day, I take more breaks than I would if I worked for anyone else. Because…you know. He understands.
I’m starting to feel guilty because I worry that I’m taking advantage of his kindness. At the same time, there are days I would be genuinely unemployed through no true fault of my own, if he were anyone else…which often makes me feel even worse! He deserves someone reliable to support his business, instead he has me. And he won’t fire me, I’ll have to choose to leave if things get bad enough.
I can see his stress is building. Some days are so bad that not only am I not helping him, I’m also holding him back because he feels responsible for helping me through whatever I’m going through (you can see why he’s my best friend). He’s doing his own work (which consists of a full time day job plus our startup tech company), my work, and supporting me emotionally. It’s too much for one person which is partly why I’m here, to lesson his emotional burden at least.
When I think of leaving and getting another job, something more routine and where I could get fired if I don’t do my work, I freeze up. I’m a single parent of three kids. I live with my parents who help watch them, but it’s still a lot more responsibility for me as a parent than it would be if I were still married. I’ve spent most of their lives working, and missed out on a lot. With my friend, I get to work from home most days and can spend time with them. So here there’s a threefold problem, one of being terrified of getting a new job, and one of not wanting to lose the time with my kids, and one of being in a position where I get fired.
I just want to know how I can eliminate my habit of taking a mile when I’ve been given an inch. In a way I can continue to blame my disorder because impulse control is a known weakness in people like myself, but I don’t want to. I have enough awareness on those days to know I’m doing wrong, and I’m screwing myself out of the opportunity to take time off when I’m actually falling apart—because although he won’t fire me, there is still a limit to his patience.
I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m the last person on earth you would ever expect to take advantage of a good situation, yet here I am.
Politics shouldn't be the only measure of someone's character. We need to bridge divides and understand others, even when it's difficult. Keep being authentic, questioning, growing. Your capacity for empathy and self-reflection reflects your good character. Good ppl can disagree on complex issues. Connection and understanding matter more than ideological purity. A lot of people can disagree with me on this one, but that's just what I think
@Gloria Fl you do make a good point but my boyfriend has said some really unfunny stuff about some people and never seems to listen to my point of view claiming that I can’t argue certain issues because I’m being led astray by the left wing media. So well, I do agree that politics shouldn’t be the only measure of someone’s character. I feel like they should measure if they’re saying some horrible things about other people.
@megan kohler That's true, there's a line, always. I hear what you're saying about harmful speech, though, that's definitely concerning. It's one thing to have different views on tax policy or regulations, but when someone consistently makes derogatory comments or dismisses real issues, that hits different. I've seen friendships and relationships strain under similar circumstances. The media criticism thing is particularly frustrating because it can shut down any real dialogue before it starts
We all have our biases and preferred news sources, but immediately dismissing someone's perspective as "media brainwashing" isn't constructive at all
@Solitario I really appreciate you sharing that perspective! So refreshing to hear someone speak about this in such a balanced way. You're absolutely right. I've noticed that when we actually sit down and talk to people face-to-face, away from all the social media drama, we usually find out we have way more in common than we thought
The media makes it seem like we're all supposed to be at each other's throats, but real life just isn't like that. I've had some of the most amazing conversations with people who see things differently than I do, and honestly, those talks have helped me grow as a person
@Gloria Fl As a conservative, I totally agree with what Gloria is saying here. I've been following this conversation and wanted to jump in. We don't have to attack people just because they think differently than us. That's where I draw the line. I've seen both sides do this, and honestly, it makes me sad. I have liberal friends and family members, and we get along great because we treat each other with respect. Sometimes we even have really good conversations about politics, but we keep it civil. I think the problem isn't really about being liberal or conservative,it's about how we treat each other. When I see other conservatives mocking people or being mean, I don't support that at all. It's not what I stand for. We can disagree without being disagreeable, right? I've learned so much from my liberal friends, and I hope they've learned from me too. The media on both sides can be pretty intense, but at the end of the day, we're all just people trying to figure things out
@megan kohler hi, megan! I agree with a lot that has been said here, but I just wanted to remind you to take care of yourself first! You can't change the world if you're not in the right headspace, ya know
The ability to hold space for different perspectives while maintaining your own values is rare and valuable. The world needs more people willing to engage thoughtfully across differences. Good people can disagree on complex issues. Being kind doesn't mean abandoning your principles, it means approaching others with humanity even when we disagree
Focus on your actions and impact rather than labels. The most important thing is tht you have to stay true to your values. And it seems that your boyfriend values don't align with yours.
I find it really difficult to understand how someone can maintain a relationship with someone who holds conservative views in today's political climate. The thing is, political views aren't just abstract opinions anymore, they reflect our core values. When someone identifies as conservative today, they're often aligning themslvs with policies that actively harm marginalized communities
Your friend who said you can't be both an ally and date a conservative person, she wasn't trying to hurt you, she was pointing out a real contradiction. It's a privilege to be able to "agree to disagree" on political issues because for many of us, these aren't just political issues, they're our lives, our rights, our existence
You mention signing petitions and writing to Congress, which is great, but activism isn't just about what you do publicly, it's about the choics you make in your personal life too. The people you choose to associate with and support matter
I don't think you're a terrible person at all, you're clearly thoughtful and caring. But I do think you need to really examine whether this relationship aligns with your values. When your boyfriend mocks real life issues, he's not just disagreeing with an abstract concept - he's dismissing real people's struggles and experiences.
The fact that you're questioning this shows you understand the weight of this situatio
Judging someone's entire character based on who they love or their political affiliation creates more division IMO. Your dedication to fighting for important causes while maintaining personal connections is MATURE. Be the true you can be, don't listen to anybody
I have friends, who support Trump, but they never said anything offensive about anyone, and I mean ANYONE. It's such a shame that people justify their rude comments with their political views. I've always thought that labels and absolutes rarely capture the full complexity of human experience. We can have civil conversations with my friends, who support Trump, and we are not ending up insulting each other. I think if a person can't hear others, they are not worthy of being listened to, especially if they make rude remarks
I'm in almost the exact same situation and it's been really hard. Like you, I've been dating someone with different political views, and lately, it's been getting more and more difficult to handle. The recent elections have really opened my eyes to how deep these differences go.. I used to think I could separate politics from relationships, but I'm learning that our political views actually say a lot about who we are as people.
Just like you, I've had friends judge me for being with someone conservative. At first, I defended my relationship, saying love is more important than politics. But now I'm starting to question everything. The way my partner talks about certain issues makes me uncomfortable, and I can't just ignore it anymore. I've also noticed that some of my friends who I thought were just expressing different opinions are actually showing their true colors. They're being really mean and hateful, and I can't pretend it's okay anymore. I've started distancing myself from these friends because I don't want that kind of negativity in my life
I've been trying to set boundaries lately. When my partner or friends say something that goes against my values, I speak up. Often it leads to arguments, but I feel better being true to myself
@alanna guerrero i'm in the process of splitting with my girlfriend over the argument we had over the politics, but it was so much more. she said a bunch of nonsense that i just can't look past. her whole family is conservative as hell too
If you're asking yourself this question, than yes, yes you are a good person, bad people usually don't care about stuff like this