here i am asking for help to strangers online because i'm wondering if i have some issues or people around me are really unsupportive. i don't ask for special treatment, just to be acknowledged the same way i show up for them, equal and bare minimum way. or what's wrong with me?
my family seems bothered when i suggest to play game that can include everyone, but doesn't bother often choosing one excluding me, same for movies or hangouts outside. i'm the only one no celebrated for my special day, and they always find an excuse about it, it looks like the only moment i'm noticed it's when they need my money.
i have a friend who talks in circle about a topic i'm always here for her, then SHE asks about me, and when i reply she still only reacts to the messages that is about her person, it's not an accident to this point, now i told her i'm waiting for her react about me, but i feel disgusting having to beg to be considered yk...
i have other friends i don't even dare to talk to them about me because of the possible neglect, i shared a good news to one she immediately made it about her, i have one saying they will come back to reply they didn't etc, i'm always abandoned.
even my therapist let me down, many times she didn't honor our appointements and reacted as if i was the one inventing it when we both have the proof on our phones, she apologize but i still lose money to come 1h travel to see her..
what did i do wrong? is it my fault? should i be more selfish even if it's not me or i should find other people around me? i feel everyone is like that tho so am i the problem, asking for too much and being too sensitive? i feel i'm going crazy.
it's not like i'm just ignored, they only reach out when they need a ear, help, or any favor, as if my value was only to serve others.
i wish i was dead, i've been thinking of su*cide many times by now. it's been hours i'm trying not to cry, i want to scream to make them realize but i know no one will listen i will only feel guilty at the end.
