Any tips appreciated

Hi, folks

Since many people here have struggled or are still struggling with mental health issues, can you please share your tips on what actions from your family helped you the most?

Due to my recent divorce, I’m returning to live with my parents for a while, which also means I’ll live with my younger brother. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, at various times. He did some crazy things back then: crashed parents’ car, went out naked, hurt himself more than once. Back in school he used to say random weird things about magic and stealing all the money from the central bank. He was under the impression from the movie, of course, but it was at the back of his mind for years. Most times he was an average teen though, a bit eccentric and impulsive. He kept to himself, for the most part.

Truth be told, I haven’t seen him since college. My mother told me about some of his episodes in our video calls, but it was months ago. Lately, everything’s been quiet and normal. I want to be supportive and not a burden. Should I talk to him about it? I’ll move out as soon as I’m sure my new job is reliable.

Specialist answer

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Veena Choudhary

Specialist

Hi, It is a good thing you are taking the initiative to understand and talk to him. However it is very important that you know how to help him and make positive difference in his life. there are few ways you can help him:

You need to first understand what is bipolar. the erratic behaviours and extreme shift in mood would be very hard for your brother. It causes extreme changes in mood, energy and activity levels. These changes would affect him to carry out his daily tasks. person can experience extreme sadness, extreme happiness or both at mixed state. educated yourself and read articles about it,

You don't need to provide any answers or advice to be helpful. just be a good listener is one of the best thing you can do for your brother. Just make random conversations about his daily activities or try learning about him more. when you listen and understand him it will make him more comfortable.

if there is any treatment going for him just go along with him if required.

if your brother is pushing you away and doesn't open up with you then don't take it personally. stay calm. give it some time.

People with bipolar have their self esteem very low. So as a sister you can acknowledge his strength and positive qualities. if you observe anything positive about your brother then quote with details of what you observed positive about him. This will boost his self esteem.

you can do things with him which he enjoys. Just step out. go for walk or dinner or anything he likes to do. if he says no then wait for few days and again ask.

if he is sharing thing with you don't become judgemental and say it is not true. understand what he is going through.

Now you have some pointers to establish a stronger relationship with your brother and help him. The more you know him the better equipped you will be to support and make a positive difference in your life.

passerby

If you’ve never been through anything like your brother has, talking about it will not be easy. You’ll need to learn to listen to your brother and his feelings, but not be judgmental. Bipolar makes life a bit unpredictable, and you need to be willing to understand your brother’s condition.

rosetta

Empathy, kindness, patience is all your brother needs. Discussing past traumatic episodes is really not the best idea. Don’t push it. People need space, and no one likes being reminded about our failures. You haven't been in touch for a long while, so building trust would be my first priority. He’s your brother, and he needs your help and love.

sky lark

the words you chose – ”weird”, “crazy”, “normal” – tell me that you’re still a long way from accepting that your brother has a problem, but he’s not a psycho. treat him like you treat everyone else. he’s probably taking medication, so you might not even notice anything. ask him about normal life things: his hobbies, his friends, etc.

steroidsjee

One useful tip would be to educate yourself about the bipolar disorder and mental illnesses in general. You’ll find many books and videos on the topic. If you do not fully understand what your brother is going through, you won’t be able to realize that it’s not his fault.

scarlet rose

The easiest thing you can do is be a friend to your brother. Give him the opportunity to speak and listen. Do fun things together, and remind him that you’re there for him if he needs you. Don’t be that awful person who thinks one diagnosis makes a person dangerous! I wish you and your family the best!

lack_of_faith

We don’t want any special treatment! It’s so frustrating when the main reaction from everyone is “oh, he must be weird / fragile / I need to be careful around him”. Many people have some illness, but it’s only mental stuff that’s so stigmatized! Just be your usual self and let your parents do the rest. Also, don’t tell everyone about your brother. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, but exactly because society is not yet ready to react as it should, people with mental health issues need to have some privacy.

shy_guy

When I’m at my lowest, my wife usually likes to say: “Take it one day at a time”. That’s basically what you’ll need to do. Be there for your brother. If he needs help with the basic things, like motivating him to get up and eat, reminding him to take his meds, or just cheering him up, be compassionate and friendly. If he shows signs of restlessness and wants to be alone, let him be. When depression hits, it’s really hard to be productive. That’s where you’ll be of great help to your parents by taking care of your younger brother.

sarah2

People get so many negative assumptions when they reveal their mental diagnoses. It’s OK to be moody or panicky, but once you’re talking about any kind of disorder, people start seeing you through a different lens. I really hope you will find it in yourself to be positive about the whole situation. However it plays out, do not be distant, and don’t ghost your brother. It hurts the most. You may try to act “indifferently”, as if you know nothing. Or you may show more compassion and actually read about his illness. You’ll find many tips in professional sources. Best of luck to you both.

TheFourthFox

One obvious but simple tip: learn to be forgiving. People with bipolar and depression may unintentionally be rude or even a bit reckless. They don’t mean to hurt, after their worst mania is over, they’ll be themselves again. You’ll have to be patient about it. Tell directly how you feel about it, there’s no need to completely hide your emotions. Just don’t take it personally.

bumblebee

A few tips:

- Watch for impulsive behaviours and try to steer your brother’s energy in harmless positive directions;

- Compliment you brother even about small things he’s doing. What might not seem an accomplishment to you can be a huge challenge for a person with a mental disorder;

- Know what to do in a crisis: this is essential! Do your homework and read all you can find on the matter, have a list of all important contacts at hand (including your brother’s doctor).

Any tips

Recently, I've noticed I am unable to feel my body and understand what is going on. Am I trembling? Is my hearbeat faster? Do I want to cry? What is my body trying to tell me?

Every time I feel disapointed, sad, angry, I feel completely overwhelmed. It is as if my body treats them all the same. I can't even describe the feeling properly. Is it anxiety? A panic attack? I never felt different than that, and that makes it harder. I was abandoned as a baby and have probably lived my whole life reacting like this.

I feel the lack of understanding on how my body reacts makes me more prone to stay in situations that are slowly destroying me, and also explains my history of multiple traumatic experiences during my life.

I understand this is the first part of the therapy for CPTSD. However, when I said that to my psychologist, asking forguidance on how to improve that, she told me "I can't help you feel, you just need to alow yourself to do it." No tips and no recommendations of activities that will help me connect to the body and what feelings it is trying to communicate.

What can I do to help with that in particular?

My fiancée is unfortunately in denial of her hoarding problem. Any tips?

I must admit she’s a very organized hoarder. Our garage and the attic are packed with boxes, most of them have a label. She thinks it’s reasonable to “collect” potentially useful or memorable things, and since she takes the time to label and pack them, she sees no problem in it... I, on the other hand, see a BIG problem. It’s literally walls of boxes that take up our entire attic and two thirds of the garage, with a small path in between.

I’ve talked to her many times about giving some things to those who need them. I thought that appealing to her practical side would work, she’s adamant about recycling, so I tried to reason with her that leaving all those things lying in boxes for years without touching them is wasteful, while someone else could be using them. But she has a hard time parting with things, and whenever she needs some old dress from 10 years ago, she’s quick to point out that she has been right to tuck it away…

I’ve tried to share my concerns patiently and lovingly. I’ve tried to set boundaries, the main rule being that we do not keep any of that in the rooms, but she manages to buy bigger boxes and just keeps adding to the piles in the attic, with very rare attempts to get rid of something. That [Miracle] happens once a year during the spring when she unpacks some stuff, puts aside a thing or two, then proclaims that she has no time to sort it all, or that this stuff will certainly be useful for our future kids, or some other excuse… These excuses never come to the core of it, and she would never admit that she has a problem. I kind of knew we were different in that regard when we were getting together. She liked to joke that I’m such a minimalist I’d have no issues living in a barn, as long as there’s Internet and a laptop [which is not entirely untrue]... while she needs all sorts of “comfort things”, even when those are stuck in boxes or gathering dust in the garage.

Whenever I try to covertly throw anything shoddy away, we have a tantrum. Usually, she does not notice it immediately, and I’m sure if she didn’t adamantly label her boxes, she would never notice. She does not need those things! But the last time I dared to get rid of all her old magazines in one go [I needed more space in the garage], she noticed it three months later, and we spent days exchanging angry looks and reproaches, while I was lectured about all the reasons why I should have asked her first and why she needed those old worthless magazines...

What are my options? I understand that I can’t change her, but I don’t want her to get worse, like the old ladies that bring all sorts of junk into the house. I had a crazy thought to move to another place before we get married, just for the sake of decluttering and packing all the stuff we have [some of it could “get lost” before it gets to us]. But we haven’t yet fully paid off the loan for this house, and my pragmatic side tells me this will be a very costly solution. Perhaps someone could advise better ways to discard of old things without getting into another fight? Thanks.

Struggling with OCD

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Has anyone else gone through this? How did you manage to stop your rituals? I'm desperate for any advice or tips. I just want to live a normal life without all these compulsions controlling me

> new here [19M] and looking for tips

hi, I’m new here. I have ADHD and struggle with binge eating disorder. I've been trying to lose weight for years. I honestly believe I won’t be happy until I change myself. I am overweight, and I need to lose weight to feel better about myself, and be able to maintain any connections with friends, also to have any serious romantic relationships.

The thing is, my binge eating isn’t always purely emotional. I do get lonely and isolated, and it may turn to food being my source of comfort. However, I have reasons to think my ADHD is highly responsible for my binging because my brain is seeking the easy dopamine it can’t produce in sufficient quantities on its own. I get a specific feeling from eating that I suppose is a dopamine boost. I crave carbs and am addicted to salty and sugary snacks. At times food is all I think about as I go about my day. It’s the only thing that consistently improves my mood, and, despite all the diets and eating plans, I always give in to binging in the end. I tried to restrict unhealthy products and deprive myself of them, but it only worked for a few days, and resulted in mad binging when I finally gave in to my urge.

I’m so desperate to lose this weight. I just want to feel normal about food and not associate it with misery. But I don’t know how.

Any tips appreciated

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