I have never shared this with a lot of people and it even took me a while before I had even accepted what had happened and even was able to use the term rape.

I'm scared of sharing.

Scared of stigma,

Scared of people knowing what happened to me,

Scared of how people will perceive me,

I'm scared of sharing.

So last year, I met this guy. He loved bom me and I failed to see right through him. He was very romantic with his words and seemed to be the perfect gentleman although after our first meet up Feb 11, I had a really bad dream concerning him but I ignored it, since he was really "godly", or so it seemed.

He used to call me at 3 am to pray till probably 6 or 5am and video call me for Bible study from 9pm. He is a 'pastor'.

One of our dates I had mentioned to him that I was still a virgin and was waiting till marriage so as to gift my husband the gift of my purity. Side note, he got really fascinated by that.

First forward to April 27, I, yes I, went to his place for a sleepover (this is one of the reasons that I feel like it was all my fault) we slept well but on April 28 in the morning around 11am, he forced himself on me took my innocence then started crying saying that I had purified him (maybe he is an occultic pastor, till date, I do not understand what happened; with him crying saying that he had favour from 'god' I don't know which 'god' was that and that he had been purified.

He then took me to a pharmacy bought me a p2 tablet, I took it then he brought me to my place and left. In the car I naively asked him whether he would now marry me, but he said that he wasn't ready for marriage (well now I'm grateful that he said that, cause I see much more clearly how toxic the circumstances were).

The next three days I felt as if I was dead; I was emotionless, I didn't feel neither sorrow nor joy. I only did cry on the fourth day. Where I became suicidal. Mind you that through this, he was still texting me or is it still manipulating me. Asking me how I felt? Whether or not I had stopped spotting since I spotted for a couple of days afterwards.

At work, I was crying non-stop, till I went on leave then I spent my days in my bedroom fearful, most especially when I heard a man's voice outside or footsteps. The only time that I wasn't crying was when I was watching comedies in YouTube. I could not sleep, so I cried the whole night. No one knew what was going on. I cried as I cut my hair. Then went to the Barber shop to hide it all and the people around me thought that I was trying out a knew style. (This was in a spun of months).

I constantly blamed myself and got away from everyone. But, Music helped at the time and writing journals. Also I believe God held me through.

Then when I was ready to talk, I shared it with a girl who I knew had been molested; she's the only one that I thought would have understood me and she did, thought out the nights we would chat...

I really felt fear for that individual, that he could harm me if I spoke out. But, soon the fear-emotions turned into hatred, then apparently I started missing how he used to treat me before he had raped me, only to realise that all that was a fake. I started wondering how many girls he might have done that too, then I heard that he moved out of the country. This information, made me feel even more safe.

Looking back, I do wish that I would have done many things quite differently but all in all, it happened.

I thank God of the journey so far, that I am not where I was last year, a time such as this. And, I also wish that I had reported the incident.

I felt broken, not in control of my body, shame, fear, regret, with no dignity left, suicidal, worthless, had identity crisis, paused my degree, it affected my job, ministry.

But now, I feel loved, worthy of affection and care, beautiful and blessed that I never got terminal infections.

Well, I guess that is to summarise it all.

Though the tears might come I know, that brighter days are ahead ✌️.

I've been feeling isolated ever since I graduated from senior high. I couldn't really go out because my parents won't let me, so, I stayed at home. As time pass by, the more lonely I felt. I didn't have anyone to talk to since both my parents are busy with work, away from home. I tried to fill my loneliness with new hobbies, it distracts me, for a while.

Now my birthday is right around the corner, and I ask my parents if I could spend some time at the beach with my friends before my birthday, and they agreed. Finally, I saw the people I struggled in school with. We had lots of fun but unfortunately we came home late, 6:30 pm to be exact, and I thought my parents would be okay with it since it's almost my birthday. Turns out they we're really angry, despite the updates I sent them.

So now, I don't get to celebrate my birthday. I'll just stay in my room till my birthday ends. I guess there's always next year.

I'm sick with procrastination. It's been around for a long time, and it's really interfering with my life. Don't think I'm a slacker. My colleagues say that I know how to work, solving the most difficult cases out of the box. There is a lot of evidence of this. But! It takes me a long time to collect my thoughts. There is a long period between the time I receive an assignment from a client and the time I start to execute it. I lie on the couch all day, sleeping. I can play computer games. I can drink alcohol and then sleep. All the while, in my head, I am thinking about the very difficult tasks that are set before me. I'm almost like "Agent 007" whose assignments are difficult. You think I go in three days to solve a problem? No. I still have procrastination. I hate myself for it. I have no fear. I often know what to do. But the transition from thought to activity is very tight. If you scold me and force me to do something, it doesn't work. Talking me into it doesn't work. There has to be a period of time, and then the day comes when I realize I can't do it anymore. I can't be greedy anymore. And I jump up and run to do everything at stinging speed. These days, my clients are usually just burning up my nerves. They only forgive me if they know I'm professional. my wife is ready to kill me with a look these days. She works strictly according to a schedule and reminds me of a robot, doing and doing. But now she hardly ever swears at me anymore, as it is useless. she just politely reminds me of my clients. My procrastination is really hindering my earnings. I can have few clients because of it. What do I do about procrastination? I don't know. I invented the idea of tuning in to work by playing on the computer. I end up playing for 6 hours, then I go to bed, and then I can work early in the morning. it doesn't always help.

Well, hello!

I have a son who recently turned 13. He is 62 inches tall and has noticeably lost a significant amount of weight recently. He's an intelligent boy. He does competitive dancing, he’s a straight A's student.

Recently I've noticed his constant anxiety. He worries about minor things and sets unrealistic goals for himself. His social circle is small, and he has high expectations of those around him. There are three of us in the family, no other children. We are pretty close.

He was breastfed until 2.5 y/o. From age 3 to 6, he was on the chubbier side, but he has recently made conscious efforts to lose weight, which concerns me. He consumes 600-800 kcal per day and weighs all his food.

His typical daily meal plan includes of 1 granola bar for breakfast, 200g of broccoli and 100g of cucumber for lunch, and chicken breast with cauliflower for dinner. When we try to discuss his diet, he becomes defensive. He is only being mean to us about that, otherwise we have a great relationship.

My primary concern is his health and overall well-being. I'm looking for a way to address this while maintaining the positive relationship we share. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.