There are moments when I feel like I can't go on. This year has been incredibly challenging for me. I gave birth to my daughter last year, and now she’s 9 months old. I know I experienced postpartum depression when she was born, and maybe I’m still struggling with it. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but sometimes I feel like I just need a break from everything.
I returned to work in January, and since then, things have gone downhill. I’ve been working remotely for the last four years, consistently excelling in my role, leading multiple teams, and earning recognition for my efforts. However, when I rejoined after maternity leave, my manager and HR informed me that I would be reassigned to another project because they no longer needed me in my previous role. This came as a complete shock.
At that time, I wasn’t in a position to take on a challenging new role because my baby was still very young, and I couldn’t dedicate all my time to work. I wanted to stay in my previous role for a while, especially since I had built that team from the ground up. Being abruptly sidelined hurt deeply. Around the same time, my daughter fell seriously ill and was hospitalized for a week. Despite this, my manager continued to overwhelm me with additional responsibilities.
Eventually, I fought to reclaim my previous role and rejoined my old team, but by then, I had already lost respect for the organization. The experience left me deeply scarred. Once I returned, my manager burdened me with tasks completely outside my expertise. I didn’t feel I could refuse, fearing I might lose my job. The workload became so heavy that I barely get a couple of hours with my daughter each day. Thankfully, she’s an easygoing child, which has allowed me to work long hours, but it still weighs heavily on me.
For a while, I managed to keep things going, but now HR is mandating a return to the office. Relocating to a different city is simply not an option for me. My husband’s job, our home, and our entire life are here. I don’t want to move, and I can’t. However, the management has made it clear that those who can’t return to the office will be let go. This has left me devastated. After everything I’ve given to this organization, sacrificing so much of my family life, I’m being forced to choose between uprooting my life or losing my job.
I don’t have another job lined up yet, and the thought of being unemployed terrifies me. I’ve been working for eight years and can’t imagine sitting idle. Finding a new job will take time, but I’m struggling with confidence and motivation. I’m afraid of how society, my peers, and especially my in-laws will judge me if I lose my job. My supportive husband reassures me, but I feel so trapped.
Right now, I’m staying with my mom, who helps take care of my daughter while I work. However, my mother-in-law wants me to return to our house. I know that if I do, my baby won’t get the proper care she needs, and I won’t have the time or space to focus on finding a new job. My mother-in-law also looks after my brother-in-law’s 6-month-old daughter, which adds more strain. Sometimes she leaves unexpectedly while I’m working, which disrupts my day. My husband supports me staying with my mom, but my mother-in-law refuses to accept it, and her stubbornness is another source of stress.
Everything feels like a mess right now. There’s so much more I’m dealing with that I can’t even put into words. This hopelessness is crushing me. I just want to die. May be then I can be at peace. My once thtiving career and life is all gone now. I can’t handle this anymore. I’m reaching out as a last resort because I don’t know what else to do. I just want to be happy again, but I can’t even remember the last time I felt that way.
