3/4 of my friends recently had behaviors that bothered me but idk if it's smth not that bad, that is normal in friendship because we all have flaws and i'm making a fuss, or they are indeed treating me poorly and i should put boundaries. i have been abused for years so i react a different way to some moves and i don't know if it's valid or exaggerated.
first friend: we are in a gc of 6 people and we tried to find a day to hangout, but it was complicated because one is working a day where one is free etc, but it's chill we always end up finding a moment!
after this convo i was scrolling on instagram and i randomly ended on a reel where it perfectly described our situation "when you try to hang out with that friend that is overly busy" and in it the person was saying "nah 2026 is already dead let's maybe try end of 2027", something funny light hearted.
i sent it to the gc like it's us and then, my friend got angry at me? "duh it makes me so angry people that think discussing on when to meet is an adult thing, it's just NORMAL" i didn't even understand his point, i just think it was relatable i didn't judge anything, he literally attacked me for no reason or it's me? i ended feeling guilty like did i do something bad. then he sent new msgs in the gc about his appartement. last time when i asked genuine questions about this topic he reacted like i was dumb, well then i'm not replying anymore to your life now.
second friend: this friend took advantage of me in many ways, making me sacrify my job time for her whims that are not urgencies but rant on shopping, making me wait hours because she was late to our hangouts, only catch up yo ask favors etc. last time i finally didn't adapt to her command but still helped her just later, and then she ignored me for weeks which never happened. when i reached out, with difficulty because she was still avoiding me, and it made me feel guilty, she finally answered saying she was struggling with replying, i could have understand but... it was all a lie because all this time because she was chatting with guys that had been treating her like shit, but me her "bestie" genuinely worried about having no news didn't deserve a sign. i stopped running after her.
yesterday after weeks of not caring she sent a "i hope you're doing well" anytime she asks about me it's either to ask a favor or talk about her and bingo. she didn't really care for my answer she just made the focus on her "well i am not well but i don't wanna talk about it....." i asked why and i end with a brain fog, ok bye then, i hate that instead of saying what's wrong she always expects me to make the moves for her. it's not about not supporting her state, i've been for years, does she supports my depression in return? nah, and there's a difference in someone calling for help and just needing my attention to distract me from my plans for her to be my priority as i know her.
third friend: she is quick at replying when the topic revolves around her, she could talk in circles about "unimportant" stuff, but if i talk once it's my turn the disengagement is real.
also when i ask something she never says back "what about you", you can think okay i can also tell about myself without needing someone to make me exist, well i try it and i still end up ignored.
last time i asked about her new series, she replied, i asked questions about it and also talk about my series, she replied to all the questions for her but didn't have any react for me. it's a choice at this point because you saw it.
today i hesitated to post about my mood because i knew and spoiler alert i was right. i said that something happened and ruined my mood and i didn't have any reply for hours until i received "sorry i'm not in the mood to reply tonight" she wasn't okay, so i let her space and said "okay take care" and then suddenly she dumped me all her rant and even talked about other random things. just admit it, it's not that you didn't have the energy to talk, you didn't have the energy to talk ABOUT ME*. i felt kinda vampirized...
at least i have one friend that treat me well like no one ever ever did, like an equal! but it makes me wonder if i'm the issue because why so many bad behavior around me then? i thought i was kind but if i'm treated like that it's probably because i am not as deserving?
i know we should always "communicate" when something bothers us, but the experience showed me it doesn't make them change when it's in their behavior, i even end up not taken seriously when i tried. so maybe i should just give less energy like them? why should i be the one with the burden of having to be honest when they are not with their intentions of recognizing this is not cool?
