I don’t struggle, rather simply notice that societal expectations do not match who I truly am. All the women in my family had strong personalities, and I’m no exclusion. Most of my hobbies are considered to be male, and I like to get to the bottom of how things work. I don’t think it’s a disadvantage, and as the perception shifts, you may find yourself very well suited and in the strong women trend.
I understand how you feel. I’ve just accepted that being born a girl means certain behavioral patterns, and for the most part I’ve been doing what my mother and other women have been doing. But when it comes to intimate questions like sexuality, my identity has never included one, and I’ve realized it only recently. I’ve met many people with common stories online, and it’s comforting to hear that my confusion is not unheard of, and that other women share similar experiences.
It’s a very binary approach when we label people by gender, and then also people of arts and of sciences. It does a disservice to all human beings who are multidimensional. I think a lot of our social rules are artificial, and if we disregard them, we can be anyone we want and achieve greater progress.
It is completely normal to search for your true self and find that what you are is at odds with someone’s beliefs. I think everyone faces such experiences sometimes. It’s wonderful that through this introspection you’re exploring your real personality and that you’re old enough not to blindly follow the majority.
Autism and ADHD here, too. I can definitely relate to some of the personality qualities that are stereotyped as male: problem solving instead of empathizing, I’ve been called rude many times, not realizing how to act in frustrating social situations… My therapist has told me that people like me unintentionally ignore social norms, being unaware about what’s happening around them most of the time. I learned to forgive myself for it, cause that’s who I am?
Before I knew I was non-binary, I used to say I should have been born a boy. And I mean it in the same context as you’re describing. My brain, my interests and thoughts were never in sync with my physical body. I’m happy to have found my identity, though it’s still hard to change the expectations of others outside my closest cycle.
Hi, I just want to say it’s fine to be who you are. There’s no need to pretend more feminine to only support the stereotypes. If other women don’t like you, it’s their problem and their loss. You need to work on your own confidence, to care less about the norms.
I was never diagnosed with autism, but I guess I’m on the spectrum, and thus some issues manifest stronger than others. I’m very much into “male hobbies”, like DIY and gadgets of all kinds, and I don’t always feel comfortable behaving in a traditional feminine way. I’d rather solve problems on my own than engage with people on a daily basis. I think it all comes down to identifying which of these “oddities” are really your strong parts, and being proud of them instead of hiding them.
Interesting thread. Why stress about it all so much? Make peace with the fact that you’re different and successful in your own ways. I can’t see why you worry about being left single, if you have more male friends than female. Use your personality to your advantage and navigate the male social hierarchy with all the related benefits ;)
@Tommy J. How are you phone number
I strongly felt out of place in the kindergarten where most girls played with dolls while I enjoyed running around with tanks and soldiers. I continued my education in science and ended up working mostly with men, just like you. I never found it bad though. On the contrary, I enjoy my work and my hobbies, and it didn’t stop me from having a son, so I’m getting to know the new me-mom personality. I get where you’re coming from, and I honestly wish you to stop overthinking it and make friends among those who share your interests and hobbies.
you don't have to try hard to connect with female friends rather you can just tell them what and how do you feel for situations. If a person is your good friend she will surely understand you, while disclosure about your personality is entirely upto you and your comfort level but it help improve some relationships. It will let the person know and understand why do you have hard time interpreting their comments or talks.
you need to stop self doubting. it has developed as a result of your experiences with your family and friends who think you are unemotional, lacking warmth and empathy. After being frequently rejected or invalidated it is natural that you doubt yourself. when everyone else is having an easy time in their life you start wondering if there is something inherently wrong. you start internalising the messages of others. you begin to wonder if they are right. stop this thinking. you need to offer compassion and kindness to yourself. this can only happen if you start realising it is okie to be your normal self. you dont have to mask your traits to get others to accept you.
Developing strong sense of self brings huge benefits. it would make you feel comfortable in your own skin and help to silence the external and internal critical voices. resolving inner turmoil and confusion would give you a chance to connect with others. you need to start working to understand your true self, who you are and what makes you tick. take time for deep reflection. consider things that have brought you joy, ease comfort and peace.
You need to make up your mind about what is important to you and follow that path. understand people have implicit bias towards people who are different from them and you must have also internalised this bias in your mind. understand that people can be bullies or hateful or pass critical comments but that reflects them not you.
You can try making online friends or be part of groups where people think like you. You can join clubs or groups related to your interest or hobbies. This way you will find people with something in common.
See if you can understand non autistic social behaviour like having an eye contact. Start by practising it daily.
start doing positive things in life that makes you proud and happy. do something for the world or for others.
understand you have a worth and don't need to change into something that you are not or fear that if no one is there your life would reach to dead end. be patient with yourself. changing a mindset is difficult but moving towards self understanding and self acceptance will provide you the freedom to find true personal satisfaction and a life that suits you.