I had a boyfriend of almost 2 years we were in love but my mental health was keeping him from achieving things and everything got complicated. He left me promising we will meet again after a year. I am not even sure if I am going to be alive after a year but he took care of me at my worst and somehow i feel i am in the worst place then what i was in before. His love helped me i feel lonely. Sometimes i question the reason to live. I was asulted and he helped me come out of the nightmare. I feel unworthy of love and support because i feel like i will drive anyone away who will try. I am too broke to afford medicine for my anxiety and depression have several other health problems and honestly feel like maybe i will do a favour to the world if i pass away. He was so strong and tried so hard that maybe he couldn't anymore and had to leave. I was given a name sunshine but honestly I am so broken that i can't remember how to smile anymore. I think of him everyday trying to approach him i thought talking to friends might help but all of them are annoyed by me talking about him at all. I use to self harm buthe stoped me and now i falling in the spiral again. I know i can't cut because it will hurt people but i hate the pain i am having my chest hurts my body hurts my mind never stop

I have been married for two years and for months now my husband had been picking on every little thing I do, shouting and insulting me. I felt something wasn't right so I went to his phone where I discovered he has been cheating on me. At first I felt maybe I wasn't attractive anymore or because I now had a baby and he want fresh meat, only for me to discover this woman is married with two kids though having issues in her marriage but she isn't divorced. Then I also discovered she was the one behind all the expensive gifts my husband had been coming home with.

I confront my husband with his and he actually blames me for pushing him into it and if I can't tolerate it I can walk and he won't be the first to have a broken marriage after two years. I was pained lost in the thought of how I pushed him into cheating, so I managed to calm everyone down so we can talk properly, where he admitted that yes he is cheating and he isn't the first and won't be the last person to do so.

I put myself together and was just observing him, after few days, he came back home that evening begging that truly I didn't push him into anything, that it was all him, that he was sorry and won't put me in such situation again, he would do right by me, be home early and will stop picking on me. Then I asked his plan forward with his woman, then he said he can't call it quite with her like that because he doesn't want it to look like a use and dump situation, that he would look for a perfect situation to break it up with her so for now he will still have to be seeing her. I should give him My trust again.

Ofcus that wasn't okay with me but I love My husband and I want to save My marriage so what can I do. I accepted

But then, like he said he comes home early but doesn't spend time with my son and I. He is always on his cell phone and when I complain about this he shouts at me saying what do I want from him, do we want to kill him, so he shouldn't be free in his own house, that I am caging him.

I tried to explain to him that all I ask for is at least 30min of his time outside his mobile phone with us. Instead of always being body present but absent minded.

But no matter how I say he sees it as my lack of trust for him, that I feel he is chatting with that woman.

I can't also call him while he is not at home, he shout at me that I am disturbing him and I am calling him because I don't trust him thinking he is with another woman.

I am confused, tired, emotionally and mentally drained, above all I don't know what to do, I can't talk to my parents about this I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I am marriage yet I am even more lonely that a single lady. I am tired and don't know what to do.

A Heartfelt Thank You to the Feel You Community: A Journey of Hope and Transformation

Dear Feel You Community,

As I sit here, pouring my heart out onto this screen, I am overcome with emotions that words alone cannot adequately express. The journey I have traveled in the presence of this remarkable community has been nothing short of transformative. From the depths of despair to a place of hope, from loneliness to a sense of belonging, you have been my guiding light, my pillars of strength, and my unwavering support.

Not too long ago, I found myself in the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. The weight of discovering my true sexual orientation and the subsequent rejection and hostility from my own family had shattered my world. I was lost, drowning in fear, and contemplating an unthinkable end. But then, in my darkest hour, I reached out to this community—a community that would change the trajectory of my life forever.

To each and every one of you who took the time to read my posts, who poured out your hearts in the comments, who shared your own stories of struggle and triumph, I want you to know that you saved me. Your words of encouragement, your empathy, and your unwavering support reached across the digital space and touched the depths of my soul. In that moment, I realized I was not alone. I found solace in your kindness, strength in your understanding, and hope in your shared experiences.

To the visionary minds behind Feel You, I am forever grateful. You have created a platform that goes far beyond the ordinary—a sanctuary where individuals from all walks of life can find solace, understanding, and connection. Through your creation, you have given me a lifeline, a virtual family, and the courage to choose life when all seemed lost. The impact of your vision cannot be understated, for it has saved lives, mended broken spirits, and ignited a spark of change that will forever burn bright.

There is a misconception I would like to address, one that arose from my recent post. Some of you believed that I had left Uganda in search of safety and sanctuary in a foreign land. While relocation was suggested to me by various organizations, including the remarkable Trevor Project, I made the difficult decision to stay. You see, my purpose, my calling, lies within Uganda itself. I want to be a catalyst for lasting change within my own country. I want to stand tall and be a beacon of hope for those who face similar struggles and discrimination. My aim is to make a difference, not only for the LGBTQ+ community, but for anyone who experiences discrimination based on disability, race, politics, religion, gender, or any other factor that sets them apart. It will be an uphill battle, but with the unwavering support of this incredible community, I know we can overcome any obstacles that come our way, step by step.

In the midst of my tumultuous journey, there is one person I must acknowledge—a dear friend who has provided me with a safe haven amidst the storm. Just a few days ago, I mustered the courage to reveal my truth to him. I expected rejection, judgment, and misunderstanding. But instead, something miraculous happened. He listened, truly listened, with an open heart and an open mind. And as he absorbed the comments and stories shared by this community, something shifted within him. He began to understand the depth of my pain, the magnitude of my challenges. This newfound acceptance from someone I thought would never comprehend my experiences has made this one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I am grateful for his transformation, for his unwavering support, and for reminding me that change is possible, even in the unlikeliest of places.

In my previous post, I neglected to outline how those who are willing to support my cause can help. For those who prefer to contribute through Air Funding, I have included a fundraising link at the bottom of this message. If international transfers like Western Union are more suitable, please kindly email me at hankjayden168@gmail.com for further details. I am also open to any suggestions or advice from the members of my newfound family, for I am a 21-year-old Ugandan who has much to learn. Your guidance and support are invaluable on this journey of ours.

To the organizations I reached out to, including the Trevor Project, Amnesty International, BBC, Al Jazeera, CNN, France 24, International Rescue Committee, and others, I must be honest and say that the support I received did not meet my expectations. While I understand that these organizations have their own boundaries and limitations, it is the Feel You community that has provided me with the comfort, strength, and hope that I needed. You have shown me that true support knows no boundaries and transcends distance.

If I am successful in my ambitions to bring about change through my project, I will not need to hire advisors, for I have found the best advisors within the Feel You community. You have saved my life and helped me discover my purpose. Your wisdom and guidancewill be my compass as I navigate uncharted waters. Together, we can make a difference that resonates far beyond our individual experiences.

Closing my eyes, I can feel the profound impact each of you has had on my life. My biological family may have turned their backs on me, but I have found a new family—the Feel You family. In your invisible presence, your collective love and support radiate through the depths of my being. You have transformed my despair into determination, my hopelessness into a burning desire to create change. With your unwavering support, I will continue to fight for a world that embraces diversity, compassion, and equality.

As I conclude this letter, I want to express my gratitude once again, from the depths of my soul. Thank you for being the light that guided me through my darkest moments. Thank you for reminding me that there is strength in vulnerability, beauty in authenticity, and hope in the face of adversity. Together, we are forging a path towards a brighter future—a future where love triumphs over hate, where acceptance eclipses discrimination, and where every individual can live their truth without fear.

With profound gratitude and an unyielding spirit.

This may seem too long to read but I am helpless and hopeless so just trying if any one can give me good perfect advice according to what I am dealing with or how can I get back into life being successful , earn money , that feeling of being loved again. I am completely new to sharing what I am suffering so don't mind if I seem too idiotic or stupid but that is how I feel. Mostly I think it has been my mistakes only because you can't blame anyone else if you have made your life not worth living because a lot of people suffer much more and they still stand tall. I don't know but I am suffering every day and just desperately want to get out of this stage of my life which has been too long. So writing here in just a ray of hope that someone will read this and understand and then give me some advice or atleast some consolation that things it still get better.

So here is the whole story :-

I am from India. And I used to be a very bright student in my school days. Always used to score better than almost everyone till the time I fell for a girl. Yeah it should not have happened but it did because I was a idiot. So after I fell for a girl who was too beautiful lovely and she had all the qualities ticked. We were into a relationship for almost 4 years. Just before my high school board exams she broke up with me. There was no cheating or seeing someone else. It was also not that we fell out of love for each other. It was just that we were not able to meet each other quite often because of coaching classes and all. But we used to talk over phone and texted each other a lot. That not meeting quite often started to create problems between us because it was that thing which always used to clear any fights or anything else from our relationship equation. Then that distance grew and the fights started more and more and she broke up with me before the high school board exams. She loved me and I loved her a lot too but somehow I was not left capable enough after breakup to study for the exams.

And then started my downfall. I failed in my board exams because I was not able to study. I did not cared for anything which was happening that time. All in my mind was just her.

I started drinking smoking which I never even thought of. Then she left for another city for college. She somehow realised her mistakes too and she wanted to get back with me. She also gave a lot of signs that she wants to get back with me. But there was this thing which I felt guilty about always from the day I knew it. It was that somehow when we used to kiss and get too close few of those times I got too excited and ended up with upsetting her. I knew that I did wrong but all this with the growing distance between us made her slightly hate me I guess or just angry.

That excitement thing never was the issue when she got into college and tried to get back with me again but that guilt never left me that I have hurt that one who I loved most after my parents. Even if it was not a big issue. So I always thought even when she tried to get back with me that I will end up upsetting her only. Also I was too much into self depressing mode that I didn't even noticed her signs of let's get back together. Now after a year or so she got busy and settled well into the new city so made friends and all but we always used to be in touch. Sometimes we used to call and chat with each other. Also whenever she used to come back in a year we used to meet every year.

After a gap of year I also started engineering course but she was always in my mind. I used to think that once I will get better I will tell her everything. And which I did but then it was too late.

Now starts the real downfall in my life.

The thing which gave me hope all those years was gone now. So now I started smoking pot day night anytime. Same with alcohol. Then came hard drugs.

I spent all my parents hard earned money on these things which were not making me better but on the contrary I was drowning. Drowning in guilt shame and also the effects which I was having with the heavy usage of those drugs.

College ended and I ended too with no job.

Then I quit all of it for months and tried to take control of my life. Get a job earn money gain confidence which got so low because of the drugs and all the feelings in which I was not interested anymore. Needless to say even though I got opportunities to get a gf again I was not over her so I did not even tried to get to say even yes to anyone.

Then again started a period of heavy drug abuse.

Relapses happened again and again because whenever I got sober I started getting dreams almost on a daily basis of her. I was not able to feel good any day because I always used to think what has happened should not have happened etc and needless to say I already was recovering from heavy drug abuse.

Now as I am sharing this I am fully sober for few months now but still with those dreams of her or where I am in my life suffering with no job no money even though I am 27 now. Low self esteem low confidence. She has got someone in her life who is very good looking and successful and she seems to be in perfect love story now. All I can think of is how I can get things to make work for me now ? How am I going to get my pride my confidence back ? How am I going to get fit again ? How am I going to get a good job ?

Just hopeless and full of despair is the condition of my life. Although it has been since a lot of years but the drugs used to get a escape route to me which I don't want now. But I want to see myself get back in life. Everything I had a dream of I want to fulfill those. But how ? Just how ?

If anyone is kind enough to read till the end and even think that I am a fool idiot dumba** which you are right I was, can you give some advices ? Help me out to get me help myself.

If you even read till the end I am very thankful to you.