Post
cl
clyde11106
1y ago

confused in my marriage


I have been married for two years and for months now my husband had been picking on every little thing I do, shouting and insulting me. I felt something wasn't right so I went to his phone where I discovered he has been cheating on me. At first I felt maybe I wasn't attractive anymore or because I now had a baby and he want fresh meat, only for me to discover this woman is married with two kids though having issues in her marriage but she isn't divorced. Then I also discovered she was the one behind all the expensive gifts my husband had been coming home with.


I confront my husband with his and he actually blames me for pushing him into it and if I can't tolerate it I can walk and he won't be the first to have a broken marriage after two years. I was pained lost in the thought of how I pushed him into cheating, so I managed to calm everyone down so we can talk properly, where he admitted that yes he is cheating and he isn't the first and won't be the last person to do so.

I put myself together and was just observing him, after few days, he came back home that evening begging that truly I didn't push him into anything, that it was all him, that he was sorry and won't put me in such situation again, he would do right by me, be home early and will stop picking on me. Then I asked his plan forward with his woman, then he said he can't call it quite with her like that because he doesn't want it to look like a use and dump situation, that he would look for a perfect situation to break it up with her so for now he will still have to be seeing her. I should give him My trust again.


Ofcus that wasn't okay with me but I love My husband and I want to save My marriage so what can I do. I accepted

But then, like he said he comes home early but doesn't spend time with my son and I. He is always on his cell phone and when I complain about this he shouts at me saying what do I want from him, do we want to kill him, so he shouldn't be free in his own house, that I am caging him.

I tried to explain to him that all I ask for is at least 30min of his time outside his mobile phone with us. Instead of always being body present but absent minded.

But no matter how I say he sees it as my lack of trust for him, that I feel he is chatting with that woman.


I can't also call him while he is not at home, he shout at me that I am disturbing him and I am calling him because I don't trust him thinking he is with another woman.


I am confused, tired, emotionally and mentally drained, above all I don't know what to do, I can't talk to my parents about this I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I am marriage yet I am even more lonely that a single lady. I am tired and don't know what to do.

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Dr. Elisabeth Jones
1y
Specialist

Hello!

Cheating is the responsibility and decision of another person, you are not responsible for this. In a healthy relationship, if the partners are not satisfied with something, they discuss it within the family and look for solutions, they do not go off the rails.

Shifting responsibility for your own actions “it was you who pushed me to cheat” is the position of a child, not of an adult. In such a way, one can blame anything on another person.

Another important point: how much longer are you willing to stay in this situation? Define a specific date for yourself and for your husband, and the result you would like to see. Otherwise, this will drag on indefinitely.

Trusting others is important, but it is also important to trust yourself, to listen to your inner voice. Intuition is more powerful in women, and you already have a true understanding of the situation inside. Don’t let other people, especially your husband, lead you astray.

In addition, you need to take care of yourself, recover, gain strength. Refocus from your husband and your relationship to yourself. Get in touch with yourself. Take care of yourself, take a little rest. If possible, go somewhere for a while, for example, visit your parents. This will allow you to “reboot” and look at the situation from the outside.

Remember that you are the most important person in your life. Therefore, it is important to follow your interests and needs first. There can be compromises in a relationship, but they shouldn’t cause you pain and discomfort.

ma
makayla10148
1y

How about using reverse psychology? It might work. It might not work. Based on what you are saying, he gets irritated that you want his little bit of attention and blames it right away on trust issues. Then don't give him attention for maybe seven straight days. He will get irritated that you will not be interested in him anymore either. He will think. What changed? Am I not wanted anymore? Men take women for granted if you give them too much. That is a fact.


I hope it goes well for you. Take a break sometimes. Manicure. Pedicure. Spa or something if you have extra money for it. Take care.

bu
bubu
1y

Look as you said you love him too much and you want to sav your marriage then maybe you can start acting like you don't really care about what he's doing, put one thing in your brain very clear first off that MEN CHEAT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BEAUTY OR LOOKS OR BEHVIOR , it's just them

If I was you I will not give him another chance but of course you're different and you wanna fix it your way, so try ignoring him, have your own life, go out with friends if you want go out with guy friends, if he tries to stop you answer him, that he can cheat and you can't even have a life of your own, MOREOVER please please inform your parents, I know sometimes we think anybody will understand us better than our parents, but trust me they're parents for a reason, they'll do anything for you, let them know

st
stefan
1y

I might suggest a marriage counselor if your husband agrees to go to one with you, but if he doesn't then it's a bit of an issue, because he's the one doing wrong and it's very obvious he'll not sit there confronting people after his mistake because I see his male ego coming in the way, so maybe you can either confront him about this straight away and be very firm with your words and decisions, because I'm sure this is a huge mental torture for you at the moment


Moreover this isn't the best environment for your kid to grow up in, please be strong and not emotionally weak, people often make mistakes just because they think maybe now he'll change maybe now maybe now, but please know once a cheater always a cheater is a proverb for a reason, of course exceptions exist but you saw yourself that after giving him a chance he hasn't changed much


Take a decision for your and your child's sake

cl
clyde11106
1y
Author

@makayla10148 I have tried that. I decided to focus all my attention on work and my child but that caused much more problems.

He wants to be left alone, yet also wants me to give him all my attention.

Without reciprocating

Which is more reasons for my confusion.

cl
claud55159
1y

respected Madam,


Kindly divorce him and get a huge alimony in 498A section even threatening him will do the work. He will find a new you new women in you everything new in you.


remember


bhay bin hoy an preet



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