childhood trauma

I think all of my issues started because I was assigned female at birth. I was only 5 years old when I was told that how my mom would've had preferred a boy child over me. I was so young at that time that I didn't even knew why she wanted a "boy" and not me but when I grew up, it all made sense. My parents were never truly in love with each other. my dad was abusive and used to hit my mom infront of me while I was crying and begging him to stop. I knew at that age that love is not true. all their fights and physical ones still affects me. Now, that I am 16, I am having trouble with academics because of the past that keeps on striking my mind. I want to forget and move on but I can't. It's stuck. One day, I came with lower test results than usual and I was demotivated to my lowest, said that I am not capable of anything or that I can't do anything because I am a girl. I am just fed up of my life. it might sound small or " easy to get over with" stuff but It's really tough to live with this fact.