I’m very sorry for your wife’s loss. I can recommend the book “Option B Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. It’s not only what the title suggests. The author tells how she learned to live again after the sudden death of her husband, and Grant provides certain techniques on coping. I hope it helps.
I have no resources to suggest. Just wanted to say: please, give your wife more time and don’t ask her to be her normal self too quickly. It’s wonderful that you’re there to support her, and it may be good that she found the strength to begin working again, but the pain of loss is very acute and sometimes long-lasting. The more the person tries to hide it plunging into daily routine, the longer it won’t let go. You may suggest tucking your father-in-law’s things away, but don’t insist on it. When your wife is ready, she’ll give you a sign. Patience and comfort to both of you!
You may google David Kessler. He has many videos on YouTube and his website about loss and grief. He is an expert in these topics. I’d only advise that you watch the video yourself first, if you want to show it to your wife. Some are better than others.
@Lucas Guillemette Thanks a lot! Heard something about Sheryl Sandberg. I've just ordered the book on Amazon!
@Lee White Thank you, I'll check him out. I'd prefer text or audio resources over video, I don't think my wife will have the mood to watch anything right now.
My condolences. Cariad Lloyd has a brilliant podcast called Griefcast. I find it very touching, making you want to laugh and cry at the same time. It tells stories of many people who lost their loved ones.
@Maxus That sounds ideal! A bit of cheering up is right what I need. Thank you, Maxus.
So sorry for your family’s loss. When my sister died I joined a support group for women whose close relatives had died and that really helped. Later I also went to counseling. I hope your spouse will overcome her loss. It’s easier when you can communicate about it, not just listen.
The Happiness Lab. They have an episode called The Eight Pillars of Grieving dediated to this topic. I can recommend the whole podcast, actually.
Take care!
@fragile individual Thank you. I don’t think we’re at the point when counseling will help yet. My wife starts crying every time the topic is brought up. She specifically emailed everyone at work not to talk to her about it.
Hi,
Death of a parent is difficult and heartbreaking experience. It is a traumatic experience.
First step in this grieving process is to understand exactly what they are going through. Give her some time and space to grieve on her own. she will heal in her own time. it is important that you are there with her during this grief and allow her to fully feel her emotions.
Follow your partner's lead. Encourage her to talk and just listen without interrupting or judging her. There is nothing more healing than feeling truly heard and understood. if she doesnt feel like talking just leave it. She may find it comforting just to have you near her or just to have those pack of clothes belonging to her dad.
Helping your partner keep the memory of their parents alive can be sometimes helpful. Like telling stories about her father, sharing fond memories of her father is important.
You can also take her out for vacation. Just see if change of places makes her communicate and express how is she coping and feeling.
You can ask her to be part of support groups where people who have gone through this similar experience would share of how are they coping, feeling.
Talk to a counselor if you feel its affecting her daily life.
Helping a partner who has lost a loved one can be challenging, as we don't always know what to say or do. Everyone grieves differently. The most important thing is to listen. Ask her how she's feeling, what she needs, and if there's anything you can do. There will be times when she wants to be left alone, times when she wants to talk, or be distracted. It can be hard to adapt if these needs change frequently but it's important to be understanding during this time.
Shared grief is important. Ask about her favorite stories and memories with her father, and share your own. Listen to music or watch a movie together that the loved one enjoyed - it shows you care and helps her feel less alone in the grieving process. It also reminds that the memories of her father will live on.
Your wife's grief might affect you. Don't forget your own needs and mental well-being. Have a support network and reach out to friends, loved ones, or a counselor if needed. It's crucial for continuing to provide support.
Express support through words, saying things like "I am here for you," "It's okay to feel this way," or "Take as long as you need to mourn." When your partner is ready, suggest pleasurable activities to distract them temporarily, like doing a puzzle, watching a movie, or exercising - anything that both of you would enjoy. Avoid pressuring her if she declines.
You can also show support through loving actions, such as making her favorite meal, cleaning, getting her something that she loves or even just leaving supportive notes for her in the morning.
Remember that there is no time limit on grieving. There will be time when your wife will feel better and get back to a normal routine, however some days will be harder than others (like birthday date, anniversaries). It can help to reassure your partner that you will be there for her for as long as it takes.