I was raped at 14 by the boyfriend of my elder sister. Add the unfortunate events that I feel just keeps on following me all my life. Like being in a car accident at 17 and losing my right eye so now I have a scar and an artificial eye.
And I have been suicidal Since ai was 15.
Almost succeeded on my try at the age of 26
Sought help at the age of 40 when I found out my ex husband was having an affair for 2 years.
It was one of the toughest as all that was running in my mind was ways to end my life and I started self harming so I decided to seek help because I was not able to control it anymore and I felt that I was gonna stop until I kill myself.
I medicated at that time
I stopped after a month because I was scared of how the meds made me feel
It made me numb
No feeling at all
No sympathy or empathy no sadness no nothing
It felt like i was a zombie that I'm alive but no feelings or emotions at all
After that ai think I have managed my depression and self harm thoughts
Now it's been a roller coaster ride since then.
There are good days and the worst days
The down days
I think only people who struggle with the same thing knows and understands this
The down days vary
Some down days are manageable but honestly some are just so freakin difficult to manage
And nobody understands
Which makes it more difficult to get through
Like it's never gonna end
And I just don't wanna wake up anymore
All I pray of is to not wake up anymore
I'm so tired
I just want life to stop
I feel so alone and isolated
The feeling that why do we even try to live when really it doesn't really matter to anyone
Why live
Why struggle
Why do waht you can with all your might if nobody really cares and it doesn't matter if ai live or die
What's the point
