i am 26yo, and ive been going through depression for almost 1 year, im blaming myself for anything bad is happening in my life, i couldnt achieve my goals yet and regret many things i did and didnt do, and i hate myself for this, i am mentally consumed, i cutt off my friends everyone and just isolated my self from the world, i want to do alot of things in my life but my inner self just keep telling me that its too late and i cant do this or anything! Instead i just stay at my room everyday not sleeping well or eating well not motivated to do anything, and tired, i been having delusions, and get panic attacks and anxiaty, whenever i think about my future i lost hope and meaning/purpose of life, i didnt seek help from anyone, i used to live alone, but when i graduated i moved back to my parents house, i thought that my family are the ones suppose to help me through anything, the only person i rely on and consider as my safe place is my mom, i dont have a good relation with my dad and i dont rely on him, but my mom is narcissist and kinda toxic, at my lowest i felt abandoned by her she made my mental health even worst since i moved in, i have a hateful sister that she always feel threatend by me for some reason, she always fake her attitude and her treatment so she can appear as the favorite daughter, and to do so she always have to bring me down and cause me problems with my parents and humiliate me infront of people and her friends, so they would hate me and love her more!! Cuz of my depression i became less tolerating and more violant, so she knows how to get on my nerves everytime she is home, and my parents alwyas on her side they just dont care about my mental health or what i am going through they always blame me for anything and i am always the bad person, i grew up in a toxic enviorenement where there is verbal violance and even physical, now i came to the degree that when i am furious i cant control myself what i say or do i just hurt myself to feel relieved and say mean things, iam scared that i would kill myself one day, i even left the house once, and my mom faint and went to hospital cuz she was scared i would do something harmful to myself then i came back home hoping that things will change no matter how much i communicate about everything with her she just keeps bring me down and as long as my sister in my life, she will always make my life miserable, i cant even focus on myself while living in a toxic house, and i cant live alone rn cuz iam currently unemployed, i love my family no matter how they are or how they treat me but iam so tired they ruining my life as it is already falling apart, idk what to do or where to start,i feel alone without any support, Pls praay for me to get my life on track, i really dont want to live the rest of life like this or do something i will regret!!

I have known I’ve had a disorder for a long time. I’ve been anxious and had periods of depression and panic. I don’t know what’s wrong with me

I have lost myself while trying to heal others.. And now can't just bear this pain.. Sleepless nights, Panic Attacks, Depression, Traumas, And the one who says this is all fake drama... Isn't it more difficult to cry and have panic attacks in alone and act like an absolutely happy person in front of world.. Living with huge regrets and unable to handle myself a d having literally no one to open up with.. My heart continously feels like holding a 100kg burden over with which literally hurts.... I wish no one in the world should ever face this.. It's like dying everyday..

Ever since college, the fear of death and the meaninglessness of my own existence have been one of the main sources of my depression. I remember the first time I experienced what I now know to be a panic attack. It was during a philosophy class in college, where we were discussing the concept of mortality and the absurdity of human existence. Suddenly, my heart began to race, my palms grew clammy, and I couldn’t stop imagining my own death. Since then these panic attacks have become a regular occurrence in my life, striking without warning. I try to push such thoughts away, but they always come back. When I think that my life will end one day, I want to cry. I often wonder how others can be so positive about their existence. What’s your secret? Do you simply ignore the existential questions that plague me? How can I make it easier for me? I really need to find ways to get over this, cause I’m tired of being afraid.