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isabelle48506
1y ago

My life is falling apart!

i am 26yo, and ive been going through depression for almost 1 year, im blaming myself for anything bad is happening in my life, i couldnt achieve my goals yet and regret many things i did and didnt do, and i hate myself for this, i am mentally consumed, i cutt off my friends everyone and just isolated my self from the world, i want to do alot of things in my life but my inner self just keep telling me that its too late and i cant do this or anything! Instead i just stay at my room everyday not sleeping well or eating well not motivated to do anything, and tired, i been having delusions, and get panic attacks and anxiaty, whenever i think about my future i lost hope and meaning/purpose of life, i didnt seek help from anyone, i used to live alone, but when i graduated i moved back to my parents house, i thought that my family are the ones suppose to help me through anything, the only person i rely on and consider as my safe place is my mom, i dont have a good relation with my dad and i dont rely on him, but my mom is narcissist and kinda toxic, at my lowest i felt abandoned by her she made my mental health even worst since i moved in, i have a hateful sister that she always feel threatend by me for some reason, she always fake her attitude and her treatment so she can appear as the favorite daughter, and to do so she always have to bring me down and cause me problems with my parents and humiliate me infront of people and her friends, so they would hate me and love her more!! Cuz of my depression i became less tolerating and more violant, so she knows how to get on my nerves everytime she is home, and my parents alwyas on her side they just dont care about my mental health or what i am going through they always blame me for anything and i am always the bad person, i grew up in a toxic enviorenement where there is verbal violance and even physical, now i came to the degree that when i am furious i cant control myself what i say or do i just hurt myself to feel relieved and say mean things, iam scared that i would kill myself one day, i even left the house once, and my mom faint and went to hospital cuz she was scared i would do something harmful to myself then i came back home hoping that things will change no matter how much i communicate about everything with her she just keeps bring me down and as long as my sister in my life, she will always make my life miserable, i cant even focus on myself while living in a toxic house, and i cant live alone rn cuz iam currently unemployed, i love my family no matter how they are or how they treat me but iam so tired they ruining my life as it is already falling apart, idk what to do or where to start,i feel alone without any support, Pls praay for me to get my life on track, i really dont want to live the rest of life like this or do something i will regret!!

Specialist answer
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Dr. Elisabeth Jones
1y
Specialist

Hello!

The first thing I’d like to draw your attention to is that depression can be diagnosed only by a licensed therapist. Therefore, do not drive yourself into the framework of this disease, perhaps everything is not so bad as it seems.

Secondly, you write about “failing to achieve your goals”. Indeed, such experiences occur in many young men and women aged 25-30. I don’t know if it’s any comfort, but this is one of the natural age crises.

A little earlier, around the age of 20, you probably had certain expectations about the future. But for some reason they were not met, that is why you feel overwhelmed. But, as I said, this stage is normal. Your main task now is to understand what you really want. What are your goals and objectives? The image of an ideal life you had before may not be actually yours. Sometimes we do not follow our own goals and desires, but those imposed from the outside. Right now, listen to yourself and try to understand what you want from life and write down one goal in each sphere of life (work, relationships, friends, hobbies, health, etc.).

To move towards goals, you need energy, an internal resource, which you currently have little. Therefore, first of all, it is important to bring yourself into a normal physical and emotional state. To do this, find a job that gives you pleasure. It could be anything: from watching movies to creating 3d models. Try to give it at least 30 minutes every day. I also recommend starting to communicate with friends again - this will give you not only positive emotions, but also the opportunity to receive support.

Imagine that your life is a multi-storey building that collapsed due to a design error. Now on the same foundation you have to create a new, more reliable and stable structure.

Good luck in creating your new life!

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samuel
1y

At times you have to stand by your ground dear, make the right choices and don't waste time trying to prove your relevance to others..

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isabelle48506
1y
Author

@samuel im actualy the last person who tries to prove himself to others, in the contrary i dont care what people think or say abt me, even in my family i dont try at all i just be myself i dont fake so can poeple love me, my sister on the other hand shes the one who tries so hard to prove that she is the good person, maybe cuz i am nonchalant thats why she gets her way to make me miserable in the family and with others. And its hard to make right choices while you're confused and lost and under negative pressure.

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samuel
1y

@isabelle48506 between you and her who is older?

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isabelle48506
1y
Author

@samuel i am 1 year older then her and yet she looks older then me and acts like shes the bigger and the clever one in us while shes not

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samuel
1y

@isabelle48506 you see the problem is that you have also built a very strong hatred attitude against her..the fact that she is younger gives her an express ticket to 'baby' treatment from your parent... However, you have to show a positive attitude towards building your own life without or without them, purpose what you want in life, make baby steps towards an established life...come up with ideas that would keep you occupied. Let your successful life later be used as your defense line...

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isabelle48506
1y
Author

@samuel i dont hate her at all i am mad at her for so many things she did to me, she wants me to hate her by her attitude, all i can do is isolate myself from her because getting close to her only make things worst, and the fact that my mother takes her side and blame me for everything and being mean to me am her daughter too she shouldnt take sides here, makes me even angrier, in general my environemenr is so toxic for my mental health and they only make my depression worst and lost, i wish it was easy to keep myself occupied and get a successful life while dealing with depression..

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samuel
1y

@isabelle48506 We both agree 2 wrongs don't make a right, the fact that your relationship with momma and your sibling is in the woods does not change the fact that you are part of that family, you are part of them...at times we have to get to our lowest in order to bounce back on our feet and even to greater heights....take heart...I would have wanted to share much with you but this platform is public hence can't share a few personal details..you can get me on samuelkinyanjui117@gmail.com for better and further assistance...

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samuel
1y

@isabelle48506 At peace?

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isabelle48506
1y
Author

@samuel all i think about rn is how to kill myself quickly without pain at the same time i dont wanna go to hell if i killed myself , so to rest in peace will be the best peace i will ever have, its my only way to end this miserable life

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samuel
1y

@isabelle48506 before you get to that point kindly dm me via my email samuelkinyanjui117@gmail.com

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