Hey, everyone.
The last four months I've been experiencing some weird symptoms of spacing out and forgetting things and people. Not in the extreme kind of way. I do remember big details, like who this person is, their name and how we met ect. Although details of what we did or talked about the day before can get a little hazy, and I often need reminders of what happened. When I get those reminders, my brain catches on and it comes back to me. But it often comes in pieces and in different shades.
This state of forgetfullness is not constant. It comes in "episodes" from some hours to days to stretch.
I usually explain it as some kind of "dreamworld" with shaded sunglasses glasses I get into. When I "wake up" from it (aka. take off the glasses) I still technically know where I am, but see everything in a much brighter shade. When I try to remember the time before, it is like trying to remember a drunk night. Again, I remember the big things, but it doesn't really feel like I was present or there. Me and my boyfriend call it KFC (originated from AFK "away from keyboard", but I was not familiar with that term and kept accidentally calling it KFC, so we just stuck with it :P).
This also affects my loved ones, since I don't remember bonding experiences fully, and i with KFC sometimes also forget their needs. Because of this, i really want to find a solution.
So how does OCD come into this?
I as a person am very creative and have many "childish" traits. I usually get urges to do funny stuff , like wanting to climb on a railing, pet the cat or get a leaf from a tree I'm passing. Sadly no matter the circumstances, these urges still remain. Even when I'm having a scuffle with a friend or am comforting someone, I can not get rid of the thoughts that I really want to pet that cat. These urges have never been harmful and therefore I have never even considered them as any disorder. Other symptoms that could align with ocd, is that I very often have random thought processes that don't make sense. I can just go with my day and suddenly think of how cans are made, or what nothingness looks like and have a huge urge to discuss my thoughts. The thoughts are not voluntary and Its difficult for me to shut them out and concentrate/listen on something/someone else while having them.
On the other hand I do not have the "normal" OCD symptoms. I don't have urges to repeat patterns, slap butts in public, nor am I germophobic. I do have strong sense of organizing and knowing where to put things, but on the other hand I don't mind my room being messy at times either. When my brain is foggy or I am stressed I can get I to obsessive cleaning.
Thank you for reading this long post. I don't expect any scientific diagnoses from you guys, we are all just people after all. But I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter. If you have any questions, hit me up 😊
