I don't know what's going on. Hi everyone, I'm 18 and I'm a lesbian. When I was a kid I liked guys, but then around 13-14 when I found out that you can like girls, I felt like I liked them more...? (so I think I might have daddy issues or something like that, so. I used to kind of like guys, but I really like their attention to this day. Like, "I'm in a relationship with a girl, but if this guy gives me attention that would be cool! I like to be the center of attention!" I don't think I'm bi because I can't imagine having sex with a guy or being in a relationship. I feel comfortable to be with a girl and I would like to live my life with her, I like to get attention from a girl, kisses, etc... now let's get to the problem. when I realized that I am not hetero, in my country everything was more or less fine with same-sex relationships...how? nobody cared about it. I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for 2 years and I loved her and she kind of loved me too. as I realized after the breakup, our relationship was not healthy at all. She lied to me, she ignored me a lot, she seemed to love me but sometimes she could just get offended. she lied about everything, about being raped by a guy, about the people she was dating, she said her parents beat her up, etc. I was a fool and really believed it all (although I had my doubts and they were justified). eventually she started to ignore me a lot saying "that's it, we're breaking up". one time we had a political fight and she wanted to break up with me, but she kind of gave me a second chance. I didn't know she was seeing someone else at the time...as time went on, I experienced the same insults from her friends. And when I said, "Don't hang out with that person, they talk shit about me, I don't like it, but it's your choice. I didn't push too hard but it was in this context approximately (before that she insisted that I stop communicating with my friend or she would leave me, I had to do it) another situation happened: she had a friend who lived next door to her and they didn't communicate live but often texted each other. My ex liked to make herself cool and pretend that she was experienced in sex. At the time I was a virgin and did not really talk about sex with her, I was not really comfortable, but something I trusted her. and once my account in the app was blocked and I asked her for a while, she said "no problem" and in the dialog with this guy I accidentally saw "My girlfriend is such a slut, she does fisting". I was shocked. I had never done that in my life...I cried for a long time after that, because I felt uncomfortable and like I was humiliated. Also there was something like "my girlfriend has big tits, like two planets" this was also unpleasant for me, especially the fact that she tells this to a guy I don't even know. after a few months she started to ignore me hard, just write rarely, I could write to her she sits online, but does not answer, just reads. it drove me to tears and hysterics..I thought that everything will be fine, but I thought that everything will be fine. but when we were on the call and I was discussing our future like "oh, it would be cool if we got a kitten" it was at this point that she said "I want to break up with you" (I think it's very nasty of her to do that at this point) I started crying, begging her, etc...but she just told me to fuck off and disconnected. Then I texted her "can we be friends?" she said no and I accepted it...But the most disgusting thing was that when I was crying and suffering she just texted me "I'll think about it till morning and tell you my decision" I was broken and cried all night, hoping that in the morning she would say it's ok etc...She woke up and texted me "I'm blocking you, bye! "After a few days I found out that she had cheated on me. she immediately started dating a girl the day we were separated. and that girl turned out to be a friend who humiliated and insulted me..hmmm so there you go! now I have a new girlfriend who loves me to bits and treats me well and with respect.
But the problem is that after our breakup my country passed a law banning "LGBT" now if you are gay or lesbian you can go to jail...for 12 years. I'm really scared to write this now a little bit...in case they find out. but now I want to go to the main problem.(I'm very anxious, I suffer from overthinking and bad thoughts) At some point after the ban and distance with the girl, I started to feel like I'm attracted to guys...(I never dated a guy and all my 3 ex were girls)it's like my body makes me love them. I'm just looking at an almost at every guy and get a very weird feeling in my belly..I thought, "Okay, if you're bi, it's okay, don't worry about it," but it got worse at some point, like I started reacting to any guy, or to their voice like it was supposed to make me I don't know into him. I pushed those thoughts away. I also want to add that my mother doesn't know about my orientation and I often hear "such a nice guy,tall,handsome,cute,sucker" and it makes me feel even worse>_< I realize that if I react to all guys this way it could be anxiety and fear of falling in love with a guy. Help me please. What could it be? How to treat it? i really need your opinion, maybe someone has faced this before!
Hi,
Your sister needs to weigh the pro's and con's of the relationship and decide what she has to do. She needs to first recognise what she needs and how she can meet those needs. What she needs matter. She has to put herself first in the list.
Monitor herself:
She needs to keep a record of
>>> how she feels in the relationship positive or negative?
>>> how long has it been this way?
>>> What type of relationship does she want? Name at least 5 points like example loving, understanding etc.
>>> is her current relationship in par with what she wanted ? does her current relationship have those pointers? Tell her to compare this answer from previous question
Tell her to write down daily how does she feel and positive and negative of her partner. She needs to analyse whether positive outweighs negative or vice versa . This will help her to analyse her experience of a person and her experience in the relationship.
the connection between mind and body is powerful one. Ask her does her body feel tired, tensed, scared, anxious, restless. Does her body feel heavy or drained. if her body can speak to mind what would it say. "my body is......."
if she wants to stay in this relationship then is there anything your sister can do to put relationship back on track. She needs to talk to her partner and ask him if he will be open to go to therapist and deal with anger issues and how in the future he will deal with this type of anger.
It's easy to think that one day things will get better but its difficult to live with that fear everyday. Ask you sister to pick one day. Let it be 1 month, 2 months or whatever feels right for her. In that time give from her side best in the relationship but when that one day comes be honest and act form a place of strength, self love and self respect. Tell her to give him some time and see if things change. But if it doesn't then she needs to make a decision for herself. She needs to decides what type of life she wants.
The more she accepts the reality the greater the capacity for change. This will let her accept her decision driven by information that is real and accurate and not glossed up by fairy tale images or just giving excuses and covering it. When she accepts the truth it will expand her courage, strength and capacity to decide whether this relationship is best option for her or not. She will get a clarity to move forward.
Sometimes circumstances means it's difficult to leave. Tell her to choose form the place of helplessness and not place of strength or love blindness. if she wants to stay let it be her decision not to be pressurised by anything nor be manipulated.