Oh honey, my heart goes out to you. It's like you're trapped in this maze of emotions, desperately searching for an exit that seems to keep moving. I can feel the weight of your struggle through your words. Have you considered exploring alternative healing methods? Sometimes, traditional approaches don't resonate with everyone, and that's okay. Maybe look into art therapy or expressive writing? These can be powerful tools for self-discovery and healing. Remember, your journey is uniquely yours, and it's okay to take detours or try different paths. Sending you virtual hugs and strength. 🌻💖 What activities bring you moments of peace, even if they're fleeting?
I just got diagnosed with AvPD too, and man, it's tough. I totally get what you're saying about therapy not helping. It's so frustrating. I've been dealing with this for years, always feeling like I'm not good enough and scared of what others think of me. It's like I can't connect with people, you know? My symptoms are pretty much what you described. I'm always worried about being rejected, so I avoid social situations. It's hard to make friends or even talk to people sometimes. I feel like I'm always on edge, thinking everyone's judging me. It's exhausting.
It sucks to hear that therapy might not help much. I've been thinking about trying it, but now I'm not so sure. How long have you been dealing with these feelings? Do you think there's anything that has helped you cope, even a little bit?
I'm really sorry to hear you've been thinking about suicide. That's really tough. Have you talked to anyone about these thoughts? Is there someone you trust who you could reach out to?
@cormiernikko29 I've never been officially diagnosed with this. To be honest, I don't have the money for it. But from what I've read and how I feel, I'm pretty sure I have it too. It's tough, right? I noticed you said you just got diagnosed. That must be a relief in some way, to finally have a name for what you're going through. But I get it, it's still hard. You mentioned you haven't tried therapy yet. How are you dealing with all this?
For me, every day is a struggle. I'm always second-guessing myself, thinking everyone's judging me. It's like I can't ever relax around people. I avoid social stuff as much as I can. Even simple things like going to the store can be overwhelming sometimes. I've thought about therapy, but without money or insurance, it feels out of reach. Plus, the idea of opening up to someone face-to-face is terrifying. What if they think I'm weird or too messed up?
Anyway, sorry for dumping all this on you. It's just... it's nice to talk to someone who gets it.
@cormiernikko29 Wow, thanks for sharing all that. It's kind of surreal to hear someone else describe exactly what I'm feeling. I've never really talked about this stuff before, so it's both scary and comforting at the same time. Work is... well, it's a nightmare most days. I don’t have it atm and interviews are TOUGH.
Your idea about journaling sounds interesting. I've never tried it because I was afraid someone might find it and read my thoughts. But maybe I could do it digitally with a password-protected file or something. It might be good to get some of this stuff out of my head.
You mentioned challenging yourself with small social interactions. That's really brave. I've thought about doing something like that, but it feels impossible. Like, how do you push through the panic?
@BILLY No need to apologize. I get where you're coming from. It's actually a relief to hear someone else describe what I'm going through. I've only been diagnosed recently, but I've been dealing with these feelings for as long as I can remember. I haven't started therapy yet, but I've been trying to cope in my own ways. Some days are better than others. I've found that keeping a journal helps a bit. It's a safe place to dump all my thoughts without worrying about judgment. I've also been trying to challenge myself with small social interactions, like saying hello to a neighbor or making small talk with a cashier. It's terrifying every time, but I figure if I keep doing it, maybe it'll get easier?
How do you handle work or school with all this going on? For me, it's a constant struggle. I'm always worried I'm not good enough, that I'll mess up and everyone will see how incompetent I am. Do you ever feel like that?
@BILLY Honestly, I don't always manage to push through the panic. Sometimes I bail at the last second. But when I do manage it, I try to use some breathing techniques I learned. Deep breaths, counting to ten, that sort of thing. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it takes the edge off enough for me to mumble a "hello" or "thank you" without completely freaking out.
I also try to remind myself that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to scrutinize my every move. It's hard to believe sometimes, but it helps a little. And I give myself a little reward when I manage to do something social, even if it's just allowing myself to watch an extra episode of my favorite show or something.
I'm curious, have you ever told anyone in your life about what you're going through? Family or friends? I've been keeping it all to myself, afraid that people will think I'm weird or broken if I open up. But sometimes I wonder if it would help to have someone who knows.
Alright, let's break this down systematically. You've been dealing with AvPD for a while now, and it's clear that traditional methods haven't showed the results you're looking for. That's valuable information—it tells us what doesn't work for you. Now, let's focus on what might work. Have you considered creating a personal development plan? Start by setting small, achievable goals—maybe something as simple as making eye contact with one person each day. Track your progress meticulously. Celebrate small victories. They add up over time. Also, consider exploring cognitive behavioral techniques specifically tailored for AvPD. Remember, change is a process, not an event. It takes time, effort and persistence. But with each small step, you're moving forward. What's one small goal you could set for yourself this week?
I'm a teacher, and I've had some experience with students who have AvPD. I can't help but feel for you after reading your message. It's clear you're going through a really tough time and I want you to know that your feelings are valid. As someone who's witnessed the struggles of AvPD in my students, I can say that therapy can indeed be helpful, but finding the right therapist is crucial. It's like finding the right teacher, sometimes it takes a few tries to find someone who really gets you and can work with your unique needs
I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your last therapist. That must have been really hard, especially given your fear of rejection. It's okay to feel hurt by that
Your concern about questioning therapists' methods is understandable. But remember, therapy is a collaborative process. It's okay to speak up if something doesn't feel right or helpful to you. You're not being an "arsehole" by advocating for yourself
I've seen my students with AvPD make progress, but it often takes time and patience
I'm genuinely concerned about your thoughts of suicide. While I'm glad you're thinking of your parents, I hope you'll also consider staying for yourself. Your life has value, even if it doesn't feel that way right now
From what I've seen, living with AvPD can feel incredibly isolating. But you're not alone in this struggle. There are others out there who understand, even if it doesn't always feel that way
@Ryder P. I've never been officially diagnosed. Money's tight, you know? But I'm pretty sure I've got it too. Wish I had teachers like you back in school. Maybe things would've been different. It's tough, you know? I avoid people like the plague, always thinking they're judging me.
Your students are lucky to have someone who gets it. I remember feeling so alone in school, like no one understood. It's crazy how much this affects every part of life. Making friends? Forget it. Job interviews? Pure torture.
@Ryder P. Wow, Ryder, I can't tell you how much it means to hear you say all that. It's like you're inside my head or something. You're right about the group projects and presentations, they were always my worst nightmare in school. I used to fake being sick to avoid them. Thanks for saying I'm brave. I don't feel brave most of the time. More like a coward who can't even answer the phone without panicking. But yeah, talking here does feel a bit easier.
That mirror tip is interesting. I might give it a try. It's just hard, you know? Sometimes I feel like I'm broken or something. Like everyone else got a manual on how to be a person and I missed out. It's exhausting trying to act "normal" all the time.
You're a really good teacher, Ryder. Your students are lucky to have someone who understands. I wish I had a teacher like you when I was in school. Maybe things would've been different.
@Ryder P. Ryder, man, I don't know how to thank you enough. It's like you're speaking right to my soul or something. You really get it. I've never had anyone explain bravery like that before. Maybe I'm braver than I thought.
It's funny, I always thought teachers just taught subjects, not life stuff. But the way you talk about your students, it's clear you care about more than just grades. That's really cool. I bet you make a real difference in their lives.
@BILLY I'm really sorry you're going through all that, Billy. It sounds incredibly tough. You're right, AvPD affects so many parts of life that others might take for granted. I've seen how hard it can be for my students, especially when it comes to things like group projects or presentations. It's not just about being shy, it's a deep-rooted fear that can be paralyzing
I'm glad you feel you can open up here. That's a big step. Even if it's just online now, reaching out and sharing your experiences is brave
As for job interviews, yeah, they can be a nightmare with AvPD. I've worked with some of my older students on interview skills. We practice a lot, starting really small. Maybe that's something you could try? Start with tiny steps, like making eye contact with yourself in the mirror for a few seconds
I'm here to listen if you ever need to talk more
@BILLY Billy, I really appreciate your honesty. It takes guts to open up like this, even if it doesn't feel that way to you. I totally get what you mean about feeling like you missed the manual on how to be a person. I've heard similar things from my students, it breaks my heart every time
You know, it's okay to not feel brave all the time. Bravery isn't about not being scared - it's about doing things even when you are scared. And you're doing that right now by talking about your experiences
Thanks for your kind words about my teaching. I try my best to understand and support my students. But remember, you're not broken, Billy. You're dealing with a really tough condition, but that doesn't define who you are as a person
It's fascinating how our minds can create such patterns of thought and behavior. Have you ever considered viewing your situation from an entirely different angle? Like, imagine you're an alien observing human behavior for the first time - how would you interpret your experiences then? I know it sound funny, but just try it. You know radical shift in perspective can unlock new insights. Try engaging in activities that are completely out of your comfort zone, like learning a new language or instrument. These experiences can rewire our brains in unexpected ways. What's the most unconventional approach you've considered for dealing with your challenges?
Hey there, I see you're going through a tough time. Life can be really hard sometimes and it's okay to feel down. You're so strong for keeping on trying, even when things feel tough. It's great that you're looking for ways to feel better. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are people who care about you and want to help. Keep taking small steps forward and be kind to yourself along the way. You matter and your feelings are important. Hang in there and know that brighter days can and will come!!
Oh sweetie reading your post just broke my heart... Its like your brain is constantly working against you but you know what? You’re still here, still fighting, still looking for answers. That takes so much strength and courage! 🦋 its totally valid to feel frustrated with therapy, especially when it feels like you’re not making progress. But plz dont give up hope! Finding the right therapist is kinda like dating - sometimes u gotta kiss a few frogs before you find your prince/princess 🤪 its okay to take breaks from therapy too if u need to recharge. In the meantime, be extra gentle with yourself. Treat youreslf like you’d treat your best friend if they were going through this. Do little things that bring your comfort, even if its just wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket and watching your fave show
I've been in therapy for about a year now, and honestly, it feels like I'm not making much progress. It's frustrating. I go to these sessions week after week, hoping for some breakthrough, but it just doesn't seem to happen. At first, I was diagnosed with depression, and that's what we've been focusing on. But lately, I've been wondering if that's really the root of my problems. Maybe they're treating the wrong thing…It's like, I keep talking about feeling sad and unmotivated, but there's something deeper that I can't quite put my finger on.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not trying hard enough. Am I resisting the therapy? Or is it just not the right fit for me? I've thought about switching therapists, but the idea of starting over with someone new is exhausting. Plus, what if the next one doesn't help either?
For now, I'm just taking it day by day. I haven't given up on therapy completely, but I'm definitely feeling discouraged. I hope that eventually, something will click, and we’ll start to see some real, lasting improvement. Until then, I guess we’ll have to keep showing up and trying our best, even if it doesn't always feel like it's enough.
I've never heard about AvPD before, but I want you to know that your feelings are valid. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. It's brave of you to keep seeking help even when it feels difficult. Please don't give up hope, you matter and your life has value. Have you considered reaching out to a local support group? Talking to others face-to-face can help. Remember, healing takes time and it's okay to have bad days. If you ever feel like hurting yourself, please call a suicide prevention hotline, there are people who want to help.
@Anon1. I'm with you on this one. I've never heard of AvPD before either, but it sounds really tough. OP, if you're reading this, I just want you to know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Sometimes it helps to chat with someone who's not a therapist, just a regular person who cares. We may not have all the answers, but we can listen and offer support. Even if I don't fully understand what you're going through, I care about you and want to help. Don't give up hope!
Not all therapists have expertise in this area. It may be worthwhile to seek out clinicians who specialize in personality disorders or AvPD specifically. They'll likely have more targeted strategies. Building trust with a therapist takes time, esp with AvPD. It's okay to take things slowly. Don’t rush yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. You have your whole life ahead of you. Social skills training may be beneficial to gradually increase comfort in interactions. Have you thought about medication?
@Dustin Soren Great advice right here. Also consider exploring mindfulness practices to help manage difficult emotions and thoughts. Medication may be worth discussing with a psychiatrist to address any co-occurring depression or anxiety. Setting small, achievable goals can help build confidence over time. Remember that progress with AvPD is often gradual - try to acknowledge even the tiniest improvements. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this journey
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm really sorry you've been going through this. It sounds like you've been feeling a lot of frustration and helplessness regarding your condition. It's especially tough when a person you've been hoping to get help from refuses to keep working with you. I don't know if they explained to you why they did it, but one of the reasons therapists sometimes have to stop the work with their clients is that they realize they're lacking expertise in the subject or dealing with something of their own on the sessions. Because of this they can't be effective enough. It could be helpful to ask them to give you a contact of a specialist who could be a good fit instead.
To answer your question, I want to begin by acknowledging that studies regarding the disorder are still limited; however, the existing research has shown that a person with AvPD can benefit from therapy. Like other personality disorders, it doesn't go away completely, but it's possible to learn ways to manage the condition. Therapy can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and mistrust, build self-esteem, and improve social skills.
I understand that it's hard for you to trust mental health specialists again and it can take a little time to build that trust. It can help to do a little research at first for the therapists available who specialize in AvPD treatment or personality disorders in general.
Due to the lack of studies, it's hard to tell which type of talk therapy is the most effective. But I recommend reading through different approaches and seeing which one speaks to you the most, considering your preferences and personal needs. One approach that can be effective regarding AvPD is cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on recognizing thoughts and patterns that cause fears and anxiety and lead to avoidance, and then slowly replacing them with more supportive ones. Another potentially effective approach is schema therapy. It focuses on gaining insight for change based on the early life experiences that led to the development of maladaptive schemas. It helps with improving functioning in daily life outside of therapy using cognitive, emotion-focused, and behavioral techniques. Other methods you might want to read about are psychodynamic therapy, interpersonal therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy.
It's okay if you don't know what type of therapy to choose from. It's been shown that in talk therapy, the connection between therapist and client is even more important than the approach the therapist uses. So when choosing a specialist, consider paying attention to their personal and professional qualities, and how you feel with them on the sessions.
A lot of specialists have social pages or websites that you can read through, learn about their qualifications and expertise, read through their posts, and perhaps even see how they interact with others. In many cases, you can ask questions before scheduling a session. Some therapists offer a first session for free. It could be limited in time but it can help you find out whether they're a good fit for you.
A good sign after the first sessions can be that the therapist seems understanding, supportive, remains objective, gives you space for expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and helps you formulate the goals for therapy.
On the contrary, it's important to recognize the therapist's incompetence as well. It may be indicated by the fact that they:
- don't have the appropriate education, qualification, or license; don't attend personal therapy and supervisions
- claim that they work with absolutely everything
- don't clarify the goals of therapy with you during the first sessions - you don't understand what you will be working on
- don't explain why you are doing a certain technique
- are dismissive of your experiences, statements (for example: "This is all nonsense, other people have it worse")
- impose their values, beliefs, and pressures with authority (for example, "I am a specialist, and I know better")
- suggest spending time in an informal setting in free time from therapy, violate boundaries
- use unscientific methods (tarot reading, astrology, etc.)
Remember that you always have control in sessions. You can choose not to talk about something you're not ready to talk about yet or even stop the session. You can also talk through your concerns and fears such as the fear of rejection right at the beginning of the therapy; a good specialist will listen, take it into consideration, and help you find reassurance.
Surely, it can take a few tries before you find the right specialist. If you find that the therapist is not a good fit for you even though they seem qualified enough, you may first discuss this with the specialist, since it is possible that the aspects you don't like (such as methods they use) can be corrected. But if nothing helps, then it's okay to try searching again. Think about what exactly you liked and disliked about the work with the previous specialist and how you can use this information in the future when searching - for example, what personal qualities and methods to pay attention to, what other questions to ask, etc.
If you don't know where to look, it can be helpful to ask for a referral from your primary care physician or a psychiatric clinic. You can also search for mental health services and organizations in your country that have a good reputation and also help you choose a specialist according to your request.
In addition, I want to share an online resource where you can read more about the condition and types of treatment: https://bandbacktogether.com/master-resource-links-2/mental-illness-resources/personality-disorder-resources/avoidant-personality-disorder/
If you want to delve even more into the topic, there are a few books available. For example, "Distancing: Avoidant Personality Disorder" written by psychiatrist Martin Kantor and "It's a Shame I Can't Share" written by Jake Ware, a person who's been living with AvPD.
I hope some of these suggestions help. Remember, you are not alone and there is help available. With the right support, it's possible to manage the condition and decrease the distress.
I understand how hurt you must be feeling when she refused to work with you.
Therapist who refused to work with you . did she tell you the reasons for it? Did you ask? Cleary you need to start communicating. this would be beneficial for you as even therapist can only then understand what exactly do you need. By just listening to them but still not buying what they say you are not helping yourself with your own progress, mental well being. For you to benefit from therapy you need to speak out what you feel, you need to express if you don't like the approach of therapist. you cant be afraid as it is important for your progress, improvement through therapy. You would only feel secure in a therapy when you address the issues and be honest. This will create a stronger bond between you and therapist. Therapy is also an interactive experience and if you are not engaged fully you would be frustrated and stagnated. This could be one of the reasons you feel you are not getting help or you feel no therapist understands you. So it is required you speak honestly for your therapy to work beautifully. Therapist are experts in their field but they are humans so they may also bound to do mistakes. You need to let them know that so and so what you said is not something i am able to accept. Good therapist will listen to that and work in line with your needs.
One important aspect of overcoming AVPD is building self esteem. If you can identify your strength and develop a positive self image you can build on your self esteem. Practising self compassion is important.
Challenging your negative belief and distorted thoughts would also help you. Start becoming aware of your thoughts and reframing these negative beliefs can develop a positive outlook in your life.
A person suspected of having avpd would always lack insight of their behaviour, thought pattern, what bothers you. So mostly therapist would take help of your family and friends to get more information about your behaviour, your life history. In the same way you also need to talk to your family about your behaviour and become aware of it.
Join a support group for individuals with AVPD. this will provide you sense of community and understanding. Sharing your experience with them and understanding their perspectives of how each one is dealing will shed a light on how individual is empowering oneself.
Just remember there i hope for recovery. I know you feel therapy is not helping you but it give another chance. it take series of trial and error before one therapist finally suits to your needs and understands you. It takes time to build rapport with a therapist.