May I wonder what country is it that controls every move of their citizen?
You say you’re still going to therapy for panic attacks once a week. It all sounds like you’re not satisfied with your therapist, and you don’t even trust them. To me it’s a big red flag, therapy is a very personal issue, I’d never waste my time in therapy with someone I don’t trust.
@GreenVixen I can’t tell u cuz I’m even scared to tell but I’m the Eastern Europian
It’s so painful when our closest family won’t support :( … Your mother needs counseling herself, if she feels ashamed of you. No, seriously, you shouldn’t be responsible for her mental health, you have enough on your plate. I hope you’ll get some backup and your girlfriend is supporting you. It’s not fair that you have to take care of someone else’s worries when you need help yourself
@jules i know I’m trying my best to get better but she doesn’t understand and idk how to find a way to made it up
@sweetie I hope you’re saving to get out. Meanwhile, your mother needs to focus on something else other than on you. I wouldn’t tell her anything about mental issues anymore. She doesn’t take you seriously, so it won’t do you any good, it only makes her unstable and manipulative...
Hang in there, just one more year!
@jules Thank u so much! I’m trying 🥹
Does your mother know anything about your gf and your plans to leave? Can it be that she doesn’t want you to leave, since you say you’re her only family. Perhaps she’s clinging to you the only way she can. I don’t think it’s normal, and it’s obviously backfiring. But maybe you can talk to her in all honesty. You’ll be independent soon, it’s probably scaring her out of her wits
@lokkwood She doesn’t know
@sweetie In that case, perhaps you should tell her you’ll leave her soon. Once she realizes you’re not joking, she might change her behavior.
Even though you didn't ask for sympathy, I feel for you. Yours is a tough situation. I can only wish that things get better for you soon, and you’ll be able to properly address your own issues.
@lokkwood I can’t tell her cuz she’s very homophobic and she’ll kill me 😭 ok for sure she worn accept it so I prefer to wait and leave now it all is
Hi,
You have gone through a great deal of emotional rejection, invalidation, shaming from your mother. You have endured a difficult set of behaviour for way too long.
so it is understandable why you have started blaming yourself for it. The belief which she has embedded in your belief system makes you feel like that. Belief like you are inadequate, .
Beliefs like this when repeated to ourselves frequently makes you more stress, panicked, damaged and unworthy.
So to decide whether to ignore or to perceive it differently is a choice you make based on your situation in hand and based on what you feel is right for your future. But it is necessary you go to a psychiatrist or reach them online. There are various organisation in different countries which gives you support online. it is required so that you can handle and cope with the stress and not harm yourself which is the priority right now. Your emotional well being should be the need of the hour now.
If you feel you want to stay one more year then see you can try this one strategy for dealing this is being gray rock meaning you become uninteresting and unresponsive. The idea is to make someone lose interest in you. You don't show emotions, say anything interesting or disclose any information. You just limit your answer to few syllables or nods like may be or i dont know. Even if you are accused you dont react. This will let her leave you alone or may be intrigued to understand what has happened to you.