Post
th
the scholar
1y ago

False accusations of harassment

Hey there, so I've found myself in hot water, and I could use some advice from the hive mind. Last week I was suspended without a warning. I’m not allowed to go to my office until the situation is somehow resolved. I know what it’s about, and I need your feedback on how to proceed. It's all related to a friend I recommended for a job at my department. I thought she'd be a great fit, considering she was going through a rough patch and needed support. She aced the interview and completed the company training, but her work performance has been less than stellar. I mean, she's a good marketer, but her methods are a bit questionable, to say the least. She spends a lot of time flirting with colleagues, and her campaign suggestions are a bit too frivolous for our company's image (my personal opinion). Specifically, I didn’t like that she was being too friendly with other interns, giving them hugs in front of the clients. I tried to have a candid conversation with her outside of work about toning it down a bit, especially in front of clients. I even texted her about it. Now, I'm worried that she's using those messages as evidence of harassment. There wasn’t anything inappropriate in those messages - for a friend. Of course, I didn’t expect that it might become a public matter. I would have chosen other words if I were sending it to a colleague.

I'm torn about what to do next. Should I try to explain myself and clear the air, or should I just wait and see how things unfold? I’ve never been in a similar situation before, I'm nervous. No, frankly speaking, I'm terrified. If I lose my job over it, I'll be the biggest fool. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Specialist answer
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Our free therapy courses to cope with harassment
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Hi,


Facing false accusation of harassment can be extremely distressing.


I just want to understand she being candid or flirting or friendly is and will be her choice. Has any one else notice this behaviour? why is it troubling you when she is flirting? it is very necessary that you are clear in your mind before you talk to H.R and remove all the personal emotions as much as you can from the facts you are presenting to your HR investigator.


Anyways you need to speak to your H.R and clearly say out that you had referred her in this company as you knew her from a long time and the messages were based on the relation you had with her and not as a colleague. You can clearly explain to them her campaign is not in align with company image and if you can take someone along with you who also can vouch for this it would help you. You need to just challenge your friend's credibility.


you can also talk to your immediate superior who has review your performance till date, knows your history with company from the beginning or atleast for subsequent period of time. Ask your superior if they can vouch for your credibility. Your colleagues and superior can speak about your History of good behaviour and professionalism. This can help you convince the HR department and the any other investigators that accusation against you is false. so see if you can work on this.


Just remember to remain calm and handle yourself with grace and dignity.

de
dexter bright
1y

Unfortunately, it’s not illegal for your friend-turned-colleague to lie in order to have you fired. If you have a good HR department or someone you trust within the company, it may be beneficial to seek their support. Keeping them in the loop can help in case your friend decides to escalate the situation further. They can also provide guidance on the best steps to take.

co
coo-coo
1y

Ouch this is tough. AFAIK, during the investigation, they’ll talk to all your other colleagues, not just your ex-friend. If no one backs up her story that you’re being hostile or whatever she’s trying to push through, you might be ok.

I believe the fact that they did not ask you to leave at once is a good sign. You still have the job and can get your salary. I hope it all gets smoothed over. 🤞

And in any case, it’s not the end of the world. You’re smart and a good person, and you were just too kind to help someone who obviously doesn’t deserve to be called a friend. You’ll find a better job when the time comes!

th
the scholar
1y
Author

@dexter bright Thanks, much appreciated! I don’t think HR is actually aware of all the details and of how she behaved. I didn’t want to raise my concerns officially. I wanted to give her a chance to change it before it attracts any attention. Perhaps I should have shared my concerns with someone before trying to talk to her.

An
Angry
1y

@the scholar This is why I never work with friends or relatives, and never vouch for them. Friendly relationships don’t align with professional communication standards. I’m sorry that you have to learn this painful lesson. I’ve seen people do this many times. They want to be good friends instead of being good managers and give their friends the benefit of the doubt. But in the end, it’s always the manager or someone in a superior position who has to pay the price. You may be a wonderful friend, but I have to say that friends will push you off the cliff when they think they don’t need you anymore.

Sorry for the lecture. Whatever you do next, do not engage in any further outside-work interactions with your colleague!! You don't want to seem evasive, it's wise to create some distance. To prevent any potential misinterpretations or misconstructions of your interactions...

Bl
Bladerunner
1y

I think I’d want to have a chance to explain my side of the story. Certainly you should do it in a composed and respectful manner, etc. No emotions whatsoever! Perhaps you should draft a detailed account of the situation, including your concerns, the actions you took to address them, and any evidence you have to support your position. Just to clarify your intentions. I would also try to convey my commitment to handling the matter sensibly.

th
the scholar
1y
Author

@Angry You are right. This is a painful lesson that I will never repeat. Thank you for your thoughts.

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