Are you tolerating the job that you hate because you need money? If you move in with your bf, won’t it solve your financial struggles and allow you to look for another job? It’s hard to not feel sad or paralyzed when you’re under constant stress. Meds can help somewhat, but the problem won’t go away until you eliminate the main sources of stress.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. When faced with multiple big issues, I find it helpful to break down the challenges into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, you could start by creating a list of potential living options with your boyfriend, just to narrow it down. In writing, it’s particularly important to set small writing goals and to practice daily. Also, it depends on what kind of writing we’re talking about. It might be a good idea to work as a journalist for an agency to polish your skills. But if we’re talking about fiction stories, you could submit them to relevant literary magazines (be prepared for lots of waiting and many rejections – it’s part of the process). Personally, I think it’s easier to make quick money from copywriting / writing non-fiction articles for websites, etc. I don’t know what kind of job you now have, but I suggest exploring jobs related to copywriting. I can't guarantee you won’t hate them ;) but at least you’ll gain some valuable experience.
Heya, hopeless is NOT an option. No matter how bleak it may seem, there is always a glimmer of light to guide us. Don’t stop believing!
Have you tried joining local writers’ groups? Sometimes they can be quite eye-opening, in the sense that you get to see whether you actually like writing for real. Apart from that, the only advice I’ve seen constantly given to all young writers is “write and read as much as you can”. I hope you pursue your dreams, despite any difficulties. Basically, all it takes is to keep doing what you like as a hobby first, and don’t stress if it doesn’t work out as fast as you’d like it to. Just keep at it, and eventually something should come up. Regardless, you’ll be doing what you like to do anyway.
Perhaps you could move to California to become a screenwriter? 😎
In terms of minimizing your frustrations, I think you have a typical issue of thinking too far into the future and being anxious about it, instead of grounding in the present moment. I had a similar issue at college, where I constantly worried about exams and my future plans after college. I never found the energy to look at what I had to do immediately (things like homework and preparing for seminars), which resulted in poor grades and even more anxiety. The only strategy that helped me in the end was to trust the process. The process in your case may be a writing career. What do you need for it? Do you require a degree? Then look for possibilities to study. If not, then look for short-term workshops. How do you get to it? Well, maybe by changing your job, to get more money and feel happier in the process. How do you do it? Start by looking at other jobs. My point is to limit your worries to a very small scale and do whatever you can to improve your situation step by step. This way, the process brings you satisfaction through completing small tasks, and you minimize the time spent on fruitless worries about the future. Good luck with your decisions!
You say fear – what are you afraid of? I’ve read that you’re afraid to move far away from your family, which might be the easiest to tackle, since there are ways to stay connected with your family despite the distance (regular video calls, frequent visits, family vacations, etc). What are your fears when it comes to your current job? What fears have you got about your writing ambitions?
How do you feel about risk? Can you say you’re mostly a risk-avoidant person.
I’m asking because I used to feel like you in a way, paralyzed with seemingly unsolvable problems, due to my inability to be more flexible and make risky decisions. Like, say, your point number one about where to live. I suppose it requires moving, which our brain interprets as a big risk, which puts us in a limbo state and makes it impossible to see all the possibilities.
What do you risk by moving just anywhere? Say you have no choosing in it. Can the advantages possibly cover the risk? Can you trust the Universe that things will sort themselves out for you, wherever you decide to live? I worked with my risk aversion with an existential therapist. It’s not exactly the classic approach, and some therapists dismiss it for being too unscientific, but I can honestly say it helped me see life in another perspective and have less “allergy” to risks. This is just a thought for you to play with.
Hey there, why don’t you address one thing at a time? No matter what you and your boyfriend choose, you both are capable of adapting and thriving in new environments. With time and effort, you can build a fulfilling life in _any_ new location. As a bonus, you’ll probably have to look for another job, so minus one burden ;)
Are you already doing some copywriter work?
My comment will be about your most creative block, so to speak. Being a writer is a very rewarding profession, as long as you have a stable income. I believe you’re still rather young, so my advice is: don’t hurry. Great authors don’t get recognition in one day. I’m not saying you need a lifetime, only that you can build up your skills and experience gradually. Think of it as a big-time plan that should not put your life on pause and stop you from achieving other life goals. Let it be your creative outlet, something you do for the joy of it, not for the stress of getting recognized.
@getfunkydude The problem is my bf and I disagree on where to live
When we are overwhelmed with many things at once, it can become very hard to understand what to do. It's like having a bunch of tabs open at the same time on the computer and not knowing which one to click on or where to start. It makes total sense why you'd feel paralyzed, given the stress and uncertainty that you're experiencing with your living and work situations.
It's good that you understand what exact situations might be causing the anxiety. Highlighting different problems is an important first step.
I suggest you take your focus away from the big picture for just a moment and think of something more tangible and immediate. Ask yourself: is there anything I can do right now to support myself during this difficult time?
It can be something very small, but just enough to support you, help you relieve a bit of the stress and anxiety, and give you the necessary energy for doing more. For example, writing your feelings down or talking them out loud in front of a mirror or with someone you trust, taking a warm bath, getting a good 10-hour sleep, going for a walk in nature, watching your favorite TV show, listening to music, or doing anything else that you find simple yet relaxing and enjoyable.
When you feel that you have a bit more energy, it's time to look at each of the problems separately and divide them into smaller steps that you can make one by one. The thing is, when we look at a big issue as a whole, it might look scary and unmanageable. However, if we divide it into smaller concrete parts, it becomes less overwhelming and more feasible. First, choose one situation that worries you the most right now. Think about what you can do in the next month to solve the issue or at least help yourself make a little bit of progress. Write down everything that comes to mind. Here are some examples:
- For figuring out where to live with your boyfriend: 1) create a budget for rent, utilities, and other expenses; 2) discuss with your boyfriend your preferences and dealbreakers; 3) make a list of possibilities and weight pros and cons; 4) search for apartments in the desired areas.
- For being at a job that you hate: 1) Identify the specific aspects of your current job that you dislike; 2) consider ways to improve your current situation (e.g., talking to your manager, requesting a different role, taking more breaks); 3) update resume and start applying for new jobs
- For building a future as a copywriter/writer: 1) start a blog or an online portfolio to showcase your writing; 2) take online courses or attend workshops to improve your skills; 3) look for potential job opportunities; 4) network with professionals in the industry.
Next, you can do the same thing with the other two situations that are causing you stress.
Another step would be putting those tasks in your schedule. See which are more urgent, which of those you can cross off your list in the next couple of days (e.g., talking to your boyfriebd or updating your resume), and which of those you can set aside for now (e.g., networking with professionals if you're not ready for that step yet). When you have enough energy, plan your week ahead. It doesn't have to be a lot - 2-3 simple tasks a day would be enough to start. For example, for Monday: 1) list the preferences and dealbreakers for a place to live in; 2) update resume. For Tuesday: 1) search for job openings; 2) make a list of topics you can write about in your blog.
And so on, breaking down your tasks into manageable steps.
Of course, don't forget to take breaks and do relaxing activities to recharge whenever you feel overwhelmed.
See if this helps you redirect your focus onto the present and ease the anxiety.