Post
Ai
Aileen
1y ago

Emotional dysregulation.

Hey all, I’m Aileen. I’m 24 and I’m having another rough week. It’s 4 on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 means the worst). No mental health diagnoses. My biggest issue is that smallest things bother me more than they should. I get stressed out too easily, and recently it’s been impossible to manage my emotions. I’m tired of having these really intense feelings about people slightly raising a voice at me or just being too loud (which doesn’t seem to bother anyone else but me). It makes me snappy and irritable. Sometimes feel like crying. Other times just want to explode and lash out, and it requires tremendous efforts to keep myself in check. Inside I feel emotionally exhausted all the time and I’m unable to let go of these small daily episodes for hours on end. It affects all aspects of my life. I get in trouble at work sometimes because I find myself in emotional paralysis and unable to function for long periods of time. Any time I have to talk about uncomfortable or difficult topics with my partner, I’m having a meltdown and cry, almost against my will. It affects my relationships in a negative way. Everything feels like too much for me. I get better after staying in a quiet place for some time or distracting myself with a TV show or a book. However, I can’t do it at all times, especially at work. There is another side to it, a positive one: when I’m happy, I feel like I can do anything and can channel seemingly unlimited energy. It’s like I can’t feel anything halfway. Am I just a sensitive person? I’ve researched it a bit on mental health forums, and many people with similar issues have certain diagnoses associated with inabilities to regulate emotions. Does anyone else relate or have any thoughts in general?

Specialist answer
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Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

we live in stressful and overstimulating world and becoming so overwhelmed by this can happen to many. For some meltdown could be crying uncontrollably, for some it could be snapping at others or lashing out in anger and for some it is just running away from the situation. Occasional meltdown is normal so here i want to know how frequently you are having meltdown and from how long are you going through this? It is an indication that some of your personal and emotional needs are not being met so you need to ponder over that. Think about what is it: are you having too many responsibilities (more than you can handle responsibilities), lack of sleep or unaddressed relationship issues. Only if you can find out what has happened in the recent times you will able to help yourself.


There are other ways to regulate your emotions:


Keeping a mood journal is a great tool for monitoring your moods when it is challenging to control them and your actions around feelings. Jotting down problems on paper can help you see issues more clearly and identify solutions there by working to reduce stress and anxiety. Do this for several days to identify patterns or recurring themes.


When someone raises a voice at you or is just loud and you feel like crying. do it then you need to take a moment to breathe and check in with yourself about your mood. Ask yourself what am i feeling right now (is it angry, irritated). what happened to make you feel like this (someone spoke loudly) . Does this situation have any other unforeseen explanation which you are unaware of (guess the person have been stressed, dealing with something else ) what do i want to do about all these feelings (cry, shout out or anything else). Is there any other better way of coping with it. This will help you in gaining back control. By questioning yourself you are reframing your thoughts which can help you to modify your extreme reaction. As you practise this you will automatically start finding on your own effective ways of dealing with this emotion.


Childhood trauma could be one of the reason like experiences of neglect or traumatic events or turbulent childhood can leave lasting imprints on how we handle our feelings as an adult. For this going to a therapist would always be better.

Anna Salmina
1y
Specialist

It sounds like you're experiencing quite sharp and intense swings in emotions, sometimes seemingly without any explanation. You're right that some people with similar issues have associated mental health conditions, but that doesn't mean that this is the only reason a person might struggle to regulate their emotions. It can also be related to difficulties with stress management, past experiences of trauma, increased sensitivity and other factors. If it wasn't like this for you all your life, reflect on any changes or stressful events that happened recently, whether you get enough sleep, have a healthy diet or whether you absorb a lot of caffeine which can be related to mood swings. It would be best to talk to a therapist to discover any underlying causes, understand your emotions better and find the best strategies to cope with intense emotional responses.

It's important to identify your triggers - what exact situations or sensations cause you to feel overwhelmed or irritated. You can do it by writing down in a notebook or a notes app on your phone what exactly was happening before you started feeling worse (where you were, what sounds you heard, what was going on, who you interacted with, what you were saying, what other sensations were there). This can help you notice patterns, so you can find ways to prepare yourself for these situations. For example, if you realize that you feel irritated around large crowds because of noise, you can start wearing earplugs when you go into stores, for example, to dull the intensity of the sounds.

It's good that you take breaks to distract yourself or be in a quiet place. It's important to continue taking such breaks, even scheduling them in (for example, a 10 minute break after 50 minutes of work) when you can just have some time away from overstimulating sensations and unwind. You might want to try some self-soothing methods during these breaks, like drinking a warm tea, looking at calming pictures, or smelling a scented candle - whatever you find comforting.

It's also useful to start practicing relaxation techniques, like 3-3-3 breathing method (breathing in for 3 counts, holding for 3 counts and breathing out for 3 counts; repeating unless you feel calmer). You can create a mantra like "This will pass" that you can repeat to yourself while taking a pause to breathe. Try this breathing technique a few times during the day in different situations, even when you don't feel overwhelmed, so it becomes easier to use it when you experience intense emotions. Find some time during the day for other relaxing activities. For example, you can create a calming bedtime routine like taking a warm bath, stretching, meditating, or reading before bed. Visualizing a peaceful place in your mind that makes you feel safe and calm (like a beach near the ocean, some place in the mountains, a forest, etc) can also help. If you struggle with lack of sleep, try sticking to a regular sleep schedule. Expressing your feelings through journaling or talking to someone you trust is another way to cope with intense feelings.

Everyone copes differently. I hope you find what works best for you by experimenting with different strategies and considering your needs.

co
coo-coo
1y

Can it be sensory overload? You mentioned that people who are being loud trigger you. If you’re working in a noisy environment, perhaps in an open office space, your senses may become heightened and amplify all these constant irritants. If you have to spend the whole day like that, it eventually builds up and you may have outbursts. Try wearing headphones at work and in public places. If it’s not allowed, you may look for earplugs that sit inside the ear, are almost invisible, and take away the most background noises.

Sc
ScaryMary
1y

Just a thought. May you be on the autism spectrum? Emotional meltdowns can happen for a variety of reasons, and I’m not qualified to tell you more. You can have a brief online assessment before visiting your GP.

Mi
Michelle
1y

Hi, Aileen. I can not only relate; it’s the story of my life! My emotions are utterly consuming, especially when I'm emotionally connected to someone. For this reason I’m not in any relationships. When I was dating men, my emotions were all over the place. I lived in fear that I’d lose it, I needed constant reassurance (for clarification, I have self-diagnosed BPD). I work from home now, and this isolation and being single made all my symptoms less intense, with no extra medication.

Ai
Aileen
1y
Author

@coo-coo Not likely. Loud noises are only part of the problem. I feel like my reactions to the outside world are out of proportion, things can hurt me literally like it’s the end of the world. Then it gets better for a short while. It’s like I’m in and out of rough emotional loops all the time. Thanks for the ideas, though.

po
poltergeist--12
1y

I got rid of this problem completely with the help of a mood stabilizer. For the record: I do not promote self-medication! 😉 I got a prescription from my neurologist, and I can say that I feel more composed now than I’ve ever been. My head feels clearer, and for once I don’t cry about everything. It changed my life for the better, with no exaggeration. So I’m writing this in the hope you’ll get professional help too and it will be the help that you need.

Ai
Aileen
1y
Author

@poltergeist--12 Does a mood stabilizer work similar to an antidepressant? Sorry if it’s an idiotic question, I’ve never taken any such meds.

At
AthenaAro
1y

I would look into DBT. It’s the kind of therapy initially created for treating mood disorders. I particularly recommend distress tolerance and emotional regulation modules. It can be done individually, but I’d recommend starting with a therapist, because you’re going to need guidance and help recognizing your limits of tolerance.

Lu
Lucia Martinez
1y

Your emotional dysregulation can be the result of never-ending stress. Stress can accumulate without you noticing it, until it peaks and it seems to you that you get overemotional about nothing special. In reality, it’s the stress that causes this reaction, and the small thing that sets it off is just the tipping point.

po
poltergeist--12
1y

@Aileen No worries, I’m afraid I can't answer your question about how exactly mood stabilizers work. They're not the same as antidepressants. I’ve been prescribed the latter but it caused too many undesirable side effects (killed my sexual drive, manifested withdrawal symptoms, made me apathetic and emotionally numb). With mood stabilizers I don’t even register that I’m taking them. I feel more like myself, minus all the drama. Hopefully, your experience will be similar (in case your doctor decides to put you on a mood stabilizer).

Ai
Aileen
1y
Author

@AthenaAro Thank you! I have never heard of it but I will look into it

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