It's easy to beat yourself up, but remember that we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you recognize what you did wrong and want to make amends. Your friend's feelings are valid, and she needs time to process. Give her some space, but don't give up on the friendship. When she's ready, have an honest conversation, take full responsibility, and show her through your actions that it won't happen again
@lyli thank you, lyli, for your kind words. i really appreciate your advice, but i can't help feeling like i've ruined everything. my friend still isn't responding to my messages, and it's been days now. i keep replaying that night in my head, wishing i could go back and change my decision. what if she never forgives me?
the silence is killing me. i've never felt so alone and ashamed. i can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. how could i have been so selfish? i'm starting to think maybe i don't deserve her friendship anymore. maybe it's better if she finds someone who won't let her down like i did. i don't know how to move forward from this. the guilt is eating me alive. i'm scared i've lost my best friend forever
@lyli i appreciate you taking the time to respond, but i just can't shake this feeling
it feels like no amount of apologies could ever make up for what i did. i keep thinking about all the times she was there for me, especially during my breakup. i feel like i've taken her kindness for granted. what kind of person does that make me?
i'm scared that even if she does forgive me, things will never be the same between us. the trust is broken. i don't know if i can fix it. i've been avoiding our mutual friends because i'm too ashamed to face them. i feel so isolated and lost
part of me wants to reach out to my ex again because at least then i wouldn't feel so alone, but i know that would only make things worse
@lyli everyone says that i should give her some space. i'm trying to give her space, but it's so hard. every day that passes feels like another nail in the coffin of our friendship
i'm terrified that she'll decide she's better off without me. i know i need to be patient, but how long is too long? should i try reaching out one more time? or would that just push her away for good?
i'm so confused and scared. the thought of losing her forever makes me feel physically sick. i wish i could just fast forward through this painful period and know if things will ever be okay between us again
@T.Thalia please don't give up on yourself or your friendship. While what you did was hurtful, it doesn't define you as a person or as a friend. We all make mistakes, and true friendships can withstand them. She's likely processing her own feelings of hurt and disappointment. Continue to give her the space she needs, but don't disappear entirely. Maybe send her a message explaining your feelings and taking full responsibility for your actions. Show her that you're willing to put in the effort to rebuild trust
@T.Thalia drowning in guilt and self-loathing won't change the past or help your friendship. Instead of focusing on how terrible you feel, try to channel that energy into positive actions. You're human and capable of growth. Reflect on what you've learned from this and how it's changing you for the better. Avoid the temptation to reach out to your ex pleaspleaseplease!!. Healing takes time, both for you and your friend. Be patient with yourself
Dude...that's rough. I mean, we all make mistakes, but this one's rough. Your friend's probably feeling pretty betrayed right now, and I don't blame her. But hey, at least you realize you messed up, that's a start
Try writing her a letter or something, explaining everything? For me it's easier to get your thoughts out on paper. Just don't expect her to forgive you right away, these things take time
@patriciatucker530 thank you for your advice. i really appreciate it. i've been thinking about writing her a letter, but i'm scared she'll just throw it away without reading it. i feel so guilty and ashamed
i can't stop replaying that night in my head, wishing i had made a different choice. my ex isn't even worth it, you know? we talked for hours and nothing got resolved. i just ended up feeling worse and losing my best friend in the process. i miss her so much already
do you think there's any chance she'll forgive me? i know i don't deserve it, but i can't imagine my life without her friendship
@patriciatucker530 you're right, i do need to work on myself. i think i let my ex manipulate me because i still have some unresolved feelings. but that's no excuse for what i did to my friend
i'm going to write that letter today. even if she doesn't read it, at least i'll have put my thoughts down. i'm also thinking about sending her favorite flowers to her place. is that too much? i don't want to overwhelm her, but i want her to know how sorry i am
this whole situation has made me realize how much i value her friendship. i've been taking her for granted that needs to change. i'm going to try to be a better friend, whether she forgives me or not
@patriciatucker530 i think you're right about the flowers. i didn't think of it that way. i'll focus on the letter instead. i started writing it yesterday, and it's already several pages long. there's so much i want to say to her
i'm realizing how much she's done for me over the years. she was there for me when my grandma passed away, she helped me study for my exams when i was struggling, she even surprised me with a care package when i was sick last winter
i've been so caught up in my own problems that i forgot to appreciate all of that. this whole situation is a wake-up call for sure
@T.Thalia Hey, I get it. We've all done things we regret, trust me. Writing that letter might help, even if she doesn't read it right away. At least you'll have said your piece. And don't be too hard on yourself about the ex thing. We've all been there, getting pulled back into old drama. It sucks, but it happens
Give your friend some time to cool off. Maybe in a week or two, try reaching out again. In the meantime, focus on yourself. Learn from this mistake. Think about why you let your ex pull you back in. We gotta work on ourselves before we can be good friends to others
@T.Thalia Flowers might be a bit much right now, honestly. It could come across as trying to buy her forgiveness. Stick with the letter for now. Pour your heart out in it, but don't expect anything in return. This is about owning up to your mistake, not getting her to forgive you right away.
And good on you for recognizing that you've been taking her for granted. That's a big step. Use this time to really think about what kind of friend you want to be. Maybe make a list of all the times she's been there for you. It might help you appreciate her even more.
Alright, let's unpack this. Yeah, you messed up. Big time. No sugarcoating that. But we've all been there. Maybe not exactly in your shoes, but we've all royally screwed up at some point. Now, let's talk about what you're gonna do about it
First things first, you gotta give your friend some space. She's hurt, she's angry, and she's got every right to be. Don't bombard her with messages or show up at her door
Next, you need to do some serious soul-searching. Why did you ditch your best friend for your ex? That's not just a slip-up, that's a pattern you need to address. Are you still hung up on your ex? Do you have a habit of prioritizing romantic relationships over friendships? These are tough questions, but you gotta face them
Now, when your friend is ready to talk - and notice I said when, not if, because true friendships can survive this kind of thing - you need to be prepared. No excuses, no "buts", just a straight-up apology and an acknowledgment of how much you hurt her. Let her talk, let her be angry, let her express whatever she's feeling. Your job is to listen and validate her feelings
After that, it's all about rebuilding trust. And that's gonna take time. You can't just say sorry and expect everything to go back to normal. You're gonna have to show up for her, consistently, over time
Hi,
Yes she would be hurt and it would take time for her to process those feelings. You need to understand and reflect on your priorities for the times to come now. But you could express your apology by planning something special for her, by recording a video elucidating how much her friendship means to you. You know what she likes so used that now to show your apology. This will even show her how much you give importance to her likes and have listened to all that.
You do what you can and don't be scared for the future (things will never be same between us) as time would mend everything and things would be back again to normal. Life is learning and accept this also as a learning for your relationship. Stay positive, continue to take genuine efforts and she will understand it. Just continue to let her know you care about her and want to celebrate in some way now.