I get what you're going through. The isolation, the need for control, the mixed feelings about people—I've lived through all of that. During my darkest times, I found solace in small daily rituals like morning walks and journaling. These simplest things helped ground me when everything felt chaotic. The control issues were particularly challenging, and I still struggle wit those. I'm proud of you tho, just acknowledging these feelings is a huge step forward. When the overwhelm hits, try focusing on just one thing at a time. What brings you moments of peace during difficult days?
I used to be verryyy controlling as well. Over time, I've come to realize that my need for control was actually fear in disguise. When we learn to trust the flow of life, everything shifts. Do not rush and do not fear. The people who truly love us understand us. Sometimes, distance is necessary for growth
Hi there! Not sure if this helps, but what you're describing sounds exactly like what happened to me after my company went under. Spent months trying to micromanage every detail of my life because everything else felt so uncertain
Started turning around when I joined a local sports team. Not because of the exercise, but because it forced me to deal with unpredictable situations in a low-stakes environment. Missed passes, rain canceling games, teammate showing up late, all that good stuff I couldn't control. Took time, but it helped rewire my brain to handle uncertainty better. Plus, the whole team aspect meant I couldn't just bail when things got uncomfortable. Might be worth finding something similar that works for you, doesn't have to be sports, just something where you're not in charge of everything you know
The need for control doesn't vanish overnight, but it gets easier to manage. Started sleeping better too, which was an unexpected bonus :)
@Alberto this is so wholesome! I totally get what you mean about sports making a difference. I haven't played in any team since high school volleyball, but reading your story makes me want to try again. Amazing how something like this can help with life stuff we're struggling with
@Alberto I played on our regular school team volleyball and it brings back so many amazing memories. We definitely weren't the best team out there but we had the most incredible time together. Looking back now, I realize why I loved it so much, there was never any pressure to be perfect, we could just be ourselves and enjoy playing together. Your basketball journey is really inspiring and makes me think I should definitely get back into volleyball. The more I think about it, the more I remember how much joy it brought me back then
@Alberto the most incredible coincidence is that I've been driving past this community center near my house for such a long time now. They have these really inviting signs about casual sports nights that always catch my eye when I'm passing by. I've been too nervous to go check it out by myself, but reading about your experiences is giving me all the encouragement I needed
@ollie Thanks so much!
Yeah, it really surprised me too in ways I never expected. I tried volleyball first because my friend was really into it, and I wanted to give it a shot. I was honestly terrible at it and kept missing the ball, but everyone was super nice about it haha
I eventually switched to basketball because being tall definitely helped. I found an amazing group of people there who made me feel welcome from day one (that helped as you can imagine haha). The whole experience taught me that it's not really about which sport you pick, but more about finding people who make you feel comfortable while trying something new
@ollie I'm super committed to basketball and play twice every week with the same amazing group of people. It's definitely not as intense as when I first started, but it's become this wonderful constant part of my life that I really look forward to
Our team is this incredible mix of people from all different backgrounds and skill levelsю Everyone is so supportive and we all help each other improve while having a great time
You should definitely consider searching for volleyball team in your area
my take? give yourself a break. you're dealing with stuff no need to have it all figured out right away 💖 give yourself a big hug and treat yourself today
woah I can relate to some of what you're describing, especially about wanting to be alone but also wanting connection.
You know, from what you've shared, you sound like an introvert and that's perfectly okay! We just need that alone time to recharge& when life feels overwhelming, trying to control everything seems like the only way to cope. I believe the best way forward might be learning to let go bit by bit, but I know that's easier said than done. Still, it doesn't mean it's impossible!
I'm wondering, have you noticed if there are specific situations that trigger these feelings of wanting to control things? Or maybe certain times when you feel more comfortable letting others in?
Just wanted to drop by and say I totally get those racing thoughts, they're like a playlist on shuffle that won't stop! When I'm feeling that way, I usually head out for a long walk (and I mean a really long walk). Something about the fresh air helps clear my head 😅 Where do you think this feeling of frustration with others comes from? And how do you usually deal with that? Because sometimes I can be very passive-aggressive towards my loved ones because of it
@gutirrez Yep. Walking seriously has saved me from making so many dumb choices in my life. When I'm super upset or angry, I just put on my shoes and head out. The best part about walking is that you can do it anywhere, anytime. That's free therapy right here if you ask me. I also get what you mean about being passive-aggressive too. Walking helps me cool down so I can talk to people normally instead of being all snappy and mean
What I've noticed is that walking gives my brain time to sort things out. It's like, while my legs are moving, my thoughts start making more sense.
@CatherineLewis yep, it's really been a life saver for me and a lot of my relationships 😅
First, I want to tell you that it's completely normal to feel this way. Life gets messy, and our emotions can feel like they're all over the place. When you mentioned struggling to tolerate people even though you want them around, it really hit home for me. I used to feel the same way, wanting people close but then feeling overwhelmed when they were actually there
What helped me was realizing that these feelings often come from being overwhelmed inside. When we're dealing with our own stuff, it's harder to handle other people's energy, even if they're just being normal. Our 'emotional' cup is already full, so even a drop more feels like too much
So when I felt that overwhelming feeling coming, I'd be honest with people and say something like, 'Hey, I need a little quiet time to recharge.' Most people understand this way more than we think they will. It's better than pushing them away without explanation
I really believe you're going to find your way through this. It might take time, and it might not be perfect, but you're already moving in the right direction
Most importantly, be patient with yourself. You're doing great ❤️
Never really got this whole control thing personally. Life's pretty random, you plan something, and boom, something else happens. Why stress about it? But hey, everyone's different. Maybe try looking at it like debugging code, you can't control every variable, but you can work with what you've got. The best solutions come from unexpected places
Those moments of feeling overwhelmed while simultaneously craving and rejecting connection - they're such a complex dance. When I experienced this, I noticed that my tolerance levels fluctuated with my energy reserves. Some days were easier than others. Giving myself permission to experience these fluctuations without judgment was a turning point. The internal conflict you're describing sounds familiar, but your awareness shows you're alread on a path of self-discovery. This state isn't permanent - it's more like a season that's teaching you something about yourself
I want you to know that everything's gonna be alright. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress worth celebrating. You don't have to handle everything perfectly, none of us do, just keep moving forward one step at a time
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your story. It definitely can take a lot of courage to open up and it shows that you really want to understand yourself and make things better.
It sounds like you’re feeling caught between wanting control and feeling completely overwhelmed by everything happening inside and around you. That’s exhausting, and it’s no wonder you want to pull away sometimes. First, it’s important to recognize that these feelings might be your mind’s way of coping with uncertainty or emotional discomfort. When life feels unpredictable or chaotic, many of us instinctively try to establish control over whatever we can. It creates a sense of stability, even if only temporarily.
Often, this need for control comes from times when we felt powerless or vulnerable. Trying to manage every little thing becomes a way to feel safer. But as you noticed, it can also make things harder, especially in relationships, because people are unpredictable, and we can’t control how they act or feel.
One way to start working on this is to figure out what triggers these feelings for you. Maybe you can try journaling or just pausing when you feel overwhelmed to ask yourself: "Why am I feeling this way right now?", "What am I afraid might happen?", "What am I trying to control right now?", "Why is this so important to me?" Over time, you may start to see patterns - perhaps specific situations or emotions that intensify your need for control. The more you understand your patterns, the easier it’ll be to catch yourself before you spiral into frustration.
Sometimes, our thoughts tell us that we must control a situation or that things will fall apart if we don’t. These are often cognitive distortions - ways of thinking that aren’t entirely rational. For example, you might think, "If I don’t manage this conversation perfectly, they’ll be upset with me" or "It’s my responsibility to make sure everyone is happy and things go smoothly” But is that entirely true? What evidence supports or contradicts this thought? Is it really possible to control how other people feel? By questioning these assumptions, you might find that they hold less power over you.
It's also important to recognize that uncertainty is an inevitable part of our life. The first step to accepting it can be reminding yourself of what you can and can’t control. For example, you can control how you treat people, how you respond to situations, how you care for yourself. But you can’t control other people’s feelings, thoughts, external events or every outcome. Focusing on what’s within your power allows you to release some of the weight of what’s not.
When your thoughts start racing, try stepping back and becoming an observer of your mind. One technique that can help involves slow breathing (for example, breathing in counting to 5, and breathing out counting to 7) and imagining your thoughts as clouds passing in the sky. You don’t have to chase or fight them - just notice them and slowly let go, watching them go by and gently shifting your focus back to your breath. This practice can help create a bit of distance between you and your thoughts, making them feel less overwhelming. At first it can be hard to not be caught up in these thoughts, but be patient with yourself - it gets easier with regular practice.
As for your relationships, it’s normal to want space and feel frustrated when you’re around people you care about. Maybe there are things you wish you could say but haven’t, or maybe it’s just hard to feel fully present when you’re carrying so much inside. Try starting small. Ask yourself if there are any unspoken expectations or unresolved emotions. Opening up about these feelings even a little can help ease the tension and bring some clarity.
If it feels like this is too much to handle on your own, it can be very beneficial to reach out to a therapist. A specialist can help you better understand where these feelings come from and find best ways to cope. It seems that you're already doing something really important by noticing these patterns and wanting to heal. Remember that you don’t have to have it all figured out right away. Keep taking the small steps, and I believe things will start to feel more manageable over time.
Emotions generally arise from our thoughts and how are we feeling. It is good you are sharing your emotions in this platform and taking the first step to help yourself. It is important that we express our emotions. It is helpful to assess your thoughts and ask yourself what am i thinking is it reality or my assumptions. You should also write down your thoughts and check what triggered your emotions, what happened today which makes me feel like this? what can i do to make myself better.
Secondly, you need to question yourself every time you are overwhelmed
This will help you to look at various alternatives to a situation which made you feel worse. This will help you to calm down your emotions and understand of how to deal with it. As you keep questioning it will help you to respond in a better way and deal with it.
You might believe that controlling everything will protect you and ensure their is a desired outcome. When things don't go according to your plan you may have difficulty coping with it. This would lead you to think about same situation over and over again in your mind and make you feel you can control it. You main cause of concern is you cant deal with uncertainty. You need to now reflect has :
You need to find the root cause for it to deal with it. Start challenging the fear and facing them instead of controlling them. You need to talk to a therapist who will through series of questions and test analyse if you have any kind of OCD which has led you to face irrational thoughts constantly and to control everything .
You should also write down things you can control, why do you want to control and what you cant control and why you cant. This will help you to accept and understand what is in your limit and let go things which are not.
you should also find an outlet to let go of the energy to control. Get involved into activities like exercising, swimming, writing, painting or singing which will help you to calm your thoughts and express yourself creatively through painting or writing or singing.