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as
assia
1y ago

from depression to derealization

hello ,i am a 19 years old girl who studies ingeneering,my doctor said that i am suffering from derealization and strong depression ;so i have been taking medication for 2 years but i dont feel any improvement. in fact it is getting worst than ever.concerning derealization,it makes me feel like im in a dream which i have to wake up from, everything seems unreal in a bad way that i am always skeptical about my own existence and also the others', i believe that im in a virtual word eventhough smth inside is still reminding me that this word is real which give the sensation that im becoming a maniac, even the sky seems like a picture to me and gives me the feeling that im stuck on earth. i live like that everyday and this state doesnt disappear even for a single minute.it really hurts so much , specially when nobody belives what i say because of the fact that my inner self still tell me that im in the real word which is really confusing.it hurts so much and im scared;terrified and lonely , i feel like im stuck inside my head,i feel like my brain is trying to pull me down,im fighting against my own self.it is very hard to continue my studies like this ,in fact even my professor seems unreal ,i cant listen to him , i cant hear him,i cant concentrate at all, him and all people surrounding me seem very far ,and im just a watcher.this state of mine makes me very upset and angry,i know that im not okay , all i can feel is disgust , pain and sorrow. it s been 3 years now that i havent felt happiness or any positive emotions , all my smiles are fake because i dont wanna be weird with others , so sometimes i laugh, smile and say jokes in order not to hear them question me if im okay,since then im not living but just existing,and sometimes think of ending that painful existence, the only thing that's keeping me from it is the fact that maybe i will find smth more painful in the other life,so i can say that if i had a reassurance that there will be nothing after i die i will die with pleasure, but for now ;i am afraid to live as well that i am afraid to die.

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Our free therapy courses to cope with depression
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Derealization will make it hard for you to focus on task or remember things. It would make you feel anxious, depressed or hopeless. Person would feel that things happening around you seems from another world. Person would feel that he/she is not part of the surroundings or its like dream or movie. Person would be aware of the situation and has insight. Person knows reality around them but they don't feel part of it.


Therapist would use various ways to deal with it:


  • Grounding technique:


It's calling or activating your senses to help you feel more in touch with reality.


>>> Playing loud music to engage hearing

>>> Holding ice cubes to feel sensation

>>> Doing 5,4,3,2,1 technique where we sit down at one place. just breathe for 2 min. Inhale through nose and exhale through mouth. calm your senses and then start observing the surrounding you are sitting in. list 5 things you see around you, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. notice minute details in the surroundings. This help you to be in touch with reality.


  • EMDR technique:


This involves 8 phases of treatment that focus on past, present and future. Each of this phase helps in dealing emotional distress and trauma then learn skills to cope with current and future stress.


>>> Discussing the painful memories, events or experiences from the past as well anything in the current. Based on this therapist will decide which specific memory to address


>>> Next step would be to learn ways to deal with anxiety by doing mental exercises like


# Guided imagery: Sit down in a comfortable place. close you eyes. Take a few deep breath so body can start relaxing. Visualise a peaceful, calm setting such as lake or beach etc. Picturise the scene and keep adding details like warmth of sun, cold air etc. Linger in the scene for few minutes. Person can stay in the scene to relax and stay calm. once done open the eyes and stretch gently to reenter the present.


>>> Now based on the specific memory you selected, you will start identifying several components for this memory:


# A vivid mental image related to the memory

# A negative belief about yourself

# Emotions or body sensation you are having


You will have to identify a positive belief about yourself related to the mental picture of the memory and rate this belief according to how true it is. once you have strengthened your positvie belief you will have to note if you have any sort of physical response while thinking of the target memory, The purpose is to identify if you have any distress. Till your distress is not completely gone you have to continue doing this.


Other than this kindly do these as well to help you out:


  • Pinch the skin on the back of your hand to bring you back to reality
  • Step outside and focus on sun hitting your skin. Feel that.
  • Sit down and touch the ground.Touch the soil or mud in the ground and feel it ,the texture .


  • Keep something hot in the hand or cold. Keep changing the temperature to shift your focus. Let it not be too hot just luke warm


  • keep moving your eyes from left to right or rotate ti stop yourself from zoning out


  • Look around the room and count the objects you can see and name each object.


  • try pausing and holding your breath and meditating Pay attention to how the breath enters the body and where it passes and how it is exhaled out.


  • Do meditation everyday.


You deserve to find a healing and way to move forward in your life. Don't hesitate to find a new therapist if you haven't been able to heal with the existing therapist.

fr
fritschfloy
1y

Hi!!! I really want to sympathize and support you!!! I would like to first reassure you, because despite everything, you somehow got into university and somehow still study. So it's not that bad. Hang in there!!! Tell the doctor that the pills don't help, believe me, he has stronger ones.... Takre condition happens when a person does not do what is in his goals. It's not a real derilium.... So all is well... Write... I will always be supportive

trantow
1y

My greetings, sympathy and support!!! I can imagine how hard it must be for you!!! especially hard for you to realize that you have "derealization". I was in the hospital due to having "gone" to "another world" from a computer game and having hallucinations. I've had a lot of conversations with warch and other patients. I have to reassure you, you don't have derealization. You're just under a lot of stress and having an identity crisis, which is what you're describing. I hope you're feeling better.

buckrid
1y

My sympathy !!! you write that you are very depressed, I want to give you strength...You are very immersed in your worries and it's hard for you...try to start helping yourself. To get out of this state without medication. Start helping just one person a day and your world will change.

buckrid
1y
Comment deleted
gunnar
1y

My greetings and support!!! most likely you play a lot on the computer or "hang out" in social networks!!! then exactly the world seems unrealistic.... if so, reconsider the mode of play, sleep, and study will be obtained... Be strong, only you decide whether to be your depression or not.

trant
1y

Hi!!! I understand that you can't focus and get into reality..... I was working with a psychotherapist and she gave me tasks for entering reality - just fixing attention on different objects one by one...it helps...Don't worry, depression will be cured for sure. About the term derealization, read carefully somewhere what it means, not that you have it.

lynn
1y

I sympathize with you, taking so long to be treated for depression...maybe you could change doctors or medication? All that you describe are just symptoms of depression, don't worry that you have something terrible...you will definitely get better!

gailpar
1y

Hi! I read that you are angry about your condition. And you are getting extra negative emotions...Accept yourself and your condition. And it will start to go away and bother you less...I know this from my experience.....

brianaк
1y

Hello! The main thing is that you have smiles...even if they are fake, as you said. This is already good...Accept yourself like this. As you are, it’s hard to concentrate on a lecture, don’t get too distracted, you’ll find out where to read about it.... don’t overwork, get plenty of rest and everything will work out

davion
1y

Hi! Since you're being treated, I'm in favor of your positive attitude toward the disease. Not fear and rejection. What's wrong with being confused during the day? It's a bit of a handicap, but not as much as the lectures you go to. Pull yourself together. You'll be fine.

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My story

I have a lot of things from my past I still have problems progressing, so I wanted to tell my story with you here. Of course I experienced a lot of good events in my life so far but I will be mainly focusing on the negative ones because these are the ones that make life difficult for me sometimes because there are some bad experiences I have made that I have problems with. Anyways, let's get started!

I grew up with my parents though I don't have any siblings. My parents were pretty good parents, I'm not gonna say that they were bad like who knows why they acted the way they did in some difficult situations and who knows how hard parenting really is because I'm only 17 and I don't have any kids yet even if I could've been pregnant once (against my will) but I'm lucky about not having kids because for me personally it would be way too early to have kids at 17. I don't want to offend anyone having a different opinion for themselves but I just don't feel ready to be a mom, also I'm single ;). Back to my parents, I spent most of the time with my mom because my dad was working in a jail and he had night shift quite often or he came back from work in the evening, so I didn't have much time to spend with him which I still regret a few years later because I feel like I really would have needed the time with him. Now that he is retired I kinda have a need to catch up on all the time I have missed with him. My mom was okay as a mom, let's be honest. I see she tried her best but she was unsure and overwhelmed with me so often. She was a pretty strict mom and she always warned me to do what she said. She was and still is a perfectionist which I inherited from her in some way but I made myself clear that perfection does not exist in this world. Nothing and no one is perfect. She got better somehow right now but she was an extremely perfectionist person when I was younger. She wanted me to do everything perfectly since day one. Of course I couldn't so she was never satisfied with me and she rarely told me I did something well. Then there was her insecurity which made her unsure about how to act, for example when I didn't want to listen to her she just yelled at me and one time she even hit me. Not hard but it still broke a piece of my heart because she always was the person I trusted, she was the first person I saw after being born and now she did this, I couldn't understand anything at that moment. 

When I was 3 years old my parents decided to bring me to kindergarten. They had some kindergartens for choice and they chose one near where we live so they didn't have to drive a long time till there. I'm not gonna blame my parents for the bad experiences I have had there at all. They couldn't know that it would be so bad there. I wasn't a good eater as a kid and I nearly never had an appetite, I was underweight. I can understand that everyone, my parents, as well as the kindergarten teachers were worried about me but the way they treated me was just unacceptable. They forced me to eat even if I wasn't hungry and if I didn't eat they put the whole food in my mouth and choked me while eating so I threw up nearly every single time. This time for me was terrible. I remember all the kids around me telling the teachers to stop doing that to me but they just kept doing their thing. I was so shocked and maybe traumatized about what they did to me every day that I felt kind of paralyzed in my mind if you know what I mean. I mean I was unable to talk about what was happening to me till I was 7. That day my dad was really angry about this. I was his only child and he was and still is fighting for me like a lion or something. Back then he also protected me so much because he felt like he owed me something because of the lack of time we spent together. I remember him calling the kindergarten telling them I wouldn't ever come back there. I still feel how relieved I was about this. (Btw if you're wondering why I was still in kindergarten at 7, I was there for learning and stuff after school till my mom picked me up). 

My elementary school wasn't bad at all. I got to know a lot of friends and had fun going to school. When I was in 4th grade, a student of the 3rd grade started harassing me. He often had more boys around him so I was pretty shy around them (I was and still am shy at all but this was just another situation). He was treating me like his slave. He wanted me to do everything he wanted. One day he tried to pull down my skirt and kicked me between my legs. After that he kept harassing me. The teachers called his parents twice but nothing changed. Anytime I went to some of my classmates and they protected me from him.

Later I went to secondary school. In 5th grade I got bullied by two of my classmates who were jealous of me. They offended me, stole my things… I talked to the teachers and to my parents a lot about this but no one took it really seriously. One day they grabbed me and told me they wanted to see my corpse and pushed me in front of a truck. I didn't get injured but this was the moment where everyone realized that it was serious. I remember how I went home from school that day and told my dad about what happened. He immediately called my class teacher and told him about it. My teacher was crying on the telephone. One of the students got expelled from school and the other one is actually one of my friends right now. The following years were pretty nice til I graduated. I didn't have any problems with others. Maybe 2 weeks after I graduated, an ex classmate of mine texted me that he likes me and that he would like to meet me. I was really happy and surprised about this because I liked him too. The next week we met in a shopping center. I thought that it would get really nice to finally be outside with someone I really like and who really likes me. But it didn't get nice at all. He dragged me into the stairway of the parking garage of the center and sexually assaulted me there. Since that experience I'm afraid of boys and men. When I went back home I told my parents a bit of what happened. I couldn't tell everything because I got the same feeling I had in kindergarten so I was too shocked to talk about everything. My dad told me to sue him a thousand times but I didn't want to let other people like the police know of that situation because it felt really embarrassing for me. Also I felt like everything was my fault, I should have known it all so I didn't sue him. I'm still one hundred percent satisfied with this decision. I think that was all of my bad experiences I have had so far. Of course there may be a lot of small experiences I don't remember right now but the ones that I have mentioned are the most influential ones for my life. But what have I got from them now? 

  • Through the fact that my dad was working a lot when I was a little kid, I have a really close relationship to him
  • Through the kindergarten thing I don't trust people fast and I'm actually scared of them when I don't know them well. Also I got insecure about my eating habits (even if I'm normal weight now)
  • Because my mom rarely complimented me / told me that I was doing things well & through the bullying thing, I got insecure about myself and got depression and anxiety
  • Through the experience with the boy who assaulted me, I got a fear of boys and men

What other problems do I have?

As I already mentioned, I am suffering from depression, anxiety and insecurity. Additionally I got diagnosed with autism last year. I don't think that autism makes me unsure about how people feel. I feel like I am more empathetic through that. I immediately see how people are feeling, they don't even have to tell me and my experiences make me able to give them some advice in many cases. Also I overthink quite often. 

That was my story :)


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