I have, I really to this so much, I am bad at communicating with others and would love to change that, but don't know how, do you have any friend or are you a loner like me?
@You Dream I am the same way, do you wanna talk
EDIT: I am kind of a loner
@You Dream you just described exactly what goes through my mind every single day.
Like, seriously, it's almost scary how relatable that is. I spend so much time analyzing every little interaction that happened during the day, replaying conversations in my head and thinking about what I could have said differently.
I work from home most days, which probably doesn't help with the whole social situation, but at least I don't have to deal with the anxiety of office small talk. I've tried joining some online communities, but even there, I sometimes find myself typing and deleting responses multiple times before actually posting anything.
@You Dream Oh my god, yes! I've become the absolute master of coming up with creative reasons why I "can't" make it to social events. And it's not even that I don't want to go - sometimes I really do - but the anxiety leading up to it becomes so overwhelming that staying home feels like the safer option.
I people-watch all the time, trying to understand how others navigate social situations so effortlessly.
I'll notice these groups of friends just chatting and laughing, and it looks so natural for them. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there wondering if I'm holding my coffee cup in a normal way. It's kind of comforting to know I'm not the only one who experiences this stuff.
@Riccardo I've been thinking about ths latley, how we end up being loners and struggle with social interactions. I find myself spending hours just people-watching, trying to understand how others make it look so easy. I spend most of my time either at work or at home, and even when I'm around people, I feel like I'm watching life through a window. The funny thing is, I'm actually quite comfortable with my own company, but there are moments when the loneliness hits hard. I notice every little interaction, every glance, and sometimes I overthink them so much that it becomes exhausting. The internet has become my main way of connecting with people, which is both a blessing and a curse. At least here I can take my time to think about what I want to say. Do you ever feel like you're living in your head too much?
@Riccardo That's exactly it! The typing and deleting thing especially hits home. I must spend half my life writing messages that never get sent. I'll write out this long, thoughtful response to someone, then convince myself it's too much or too personal, and end up just straight up deleting it. It's cray that here i'm very personal haha. Im not usually like this at ll. The worst part is when you finally work up the courage to reach out to someone, and they give you a short response, and then you spend the next week wondering if you somehow offended them. Do you ever catch yourself making excuses to avoid social situations?
Being observant of others is actually pretty common! Instead of feeling ashamed, maybe try channeling that energy into something creative - like photography, art, or writing. These feelings you're experiencing are temporary, and with time you'll find better ways to manage them. The fact that you're aware of your behavior shows you're self-reflective, which is a valuable trait. Sometimes we just need to be gentler with ourselves. Stay positive and remember that this too shall pass. What kind of creative outlets interest you most?
Don't be too hard on yourself, we all have our quirks and habits that make us unique. The world would be pretty boring if we were all the same, right?
Hey! Everyone processes social interactions differently, and that's perfectly fine. Sometimes what feels awkward to us isn't even noticed by others. Just keep moving forward and focus on your personal growth. When we're kind to ourselves, things usually work out naturally. Give yourself time and space to figure things out at your own pace. Remember that feelings are temporary, and tomorrow is always a fresh start.
@LOVENEVERDIES truetrue everyone has their own insecurities and awkward moments, that's just part of life. I know it's a hard pattern to break, but you need to do it for yourself !
Hi,
I understand it is hard dealing with compulsive and excessive staring especially because we don't want to make people around uncomfortable or assume certain things about us. You don't have to feel shameful. You just have to equip yourself to understand the root cause of it.
Going along with what you have said you have the inclination to stare at boys which is accompanied by the feeling of deep anxiety that your staring is compulsive and hard to control then OCD is the reason behind it.
OCD is unwanted thoughts, urges to do something which even though you know is highly distressing, goes against the normal way of doing things but you still continue to do the ritual of staring. You may be staring at someone because of certain intrusive thoughts spoken about while growing up about looks or taboo topics like staring at boys inappropriately should not be done. then the urge to stare increases. It could also be because there is certain number of times you need to see then you feel it is right. It is like number in your mind which you consider is the lucky number and you stare at that person for that many times.
Learning how to manage your stare or fear of stare depends on where your fear stems from. You should read a therapist to understand whether it is OCD or social anxiety. Therapist would help you through ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy). In ERP you slowly and gradually confront the things that you fear the most which will help in understanding this obsession. It would be ranking your fear from least to most distressing. So initially you would learn to handle the least ones and then climb the ladder. As you progress you will learn to deal with that distress you feel in your body, the triggers you feel to engage in the compulsive behaviour of staring. Eventually as you keep getting equipped with handling the triggers your brain gets bored from the fear in your case staring.
Restructuring and challenging your thoughts can help. Your thoughts have huge impact on how you feel, what you do and when you challenge these distorted thoughts you reduce the anxiety which drives this compulsive behaviour which is staring. write down why do you stare at guys? you says it is looks: what about the looks. write in detail to understand what triggers you to do it.
There is another technique which is next time when you feel the urge delay it. so say you feel like staring at the boy so pause look down and count till 10. then see. Like that every day keep delaying it to 10 then 20 then 30. pat on your back when you delay it further everyday. This would be an achievement for you. You should also notice how does it feel within your body when you delay it everyday. notice the physical sensations in your body. This will help you understand and being aware of where is the tension rising when you are delaying in the urges : is it in your stomach or hand or heart beating faster. calming that point by breathing in, breathing out and directing all your energy towards those places will help you to deal with these urges.