it's hard to live with someone constantely pushing your buttons for stupid stuff, and it hits even harder when the person comes back after leaving the place free from drama for a few days.
to explain my mom display narc traits, she did quite hurtful stuff like belittling me when i was at my lowest pushing me to self harm, roll her eyes when i was cyberharassed, cross boundaries and plays victim, lies, discriminates etc.
and since she came back yesterday i can already lists many bothering moves she did, you will see it's not really abusive in this thread tho but it's more about the principle: like someone making lil pokes everyday until you explode if it makes sense.
-there's a rule everyone know in house: if there is clothes put on a pile on FLOOR it's to wash, if it's hanging on a chair or else it's not. i put a skirt on chair yesterday because i only worn it 20 minutes outside (i didn't want to put it back in the clean wardrobe because i wore it in the subway but i didn't really used it a whole day to call it dirty yk) my mom suddenly came with clothes in her hands asking if she can wash it, if you don't know the context of course you will say she is mindful etc, but when you know her real face you know it's just to get an angry reaction from you and then play the victim completely surprised at why you are so angry for no reason?
i said "well as you know it wasn't on the floor so no don't wash it", she didn't take my no as an answer, feigned to ignore me even if i repeated it and played the dumb/innocent face in front of my (golden child kinda) sister, until i said "yes wash it", i know that it wouldn't go nowhere if i didn't let her have what she wanted, she just wanted to win the situation completely disregard the boundaries settled. i have now nothing to wear so i can't go out. many times she did things like that, sabotage me before i have to go out by hiding my belongings, claming it's not her, snoop in my room even tho i told her not to and break things then deny while claiming being always honest etc. perfect gaslighting technique.
-i received a text from an unknown number and i told my mom it started by xxxx, she said "oh wait i think your aunt number starts with this". so i said "ah please can you check in your phone contacts if it's the same number that i have or a scam", she looked at me and didn't move, i said it again more clearly maybe i talked too fast? she looked away when i finished, so it's delibarated like i don't care about you. it's like she was pretending she didn't understand my request? to let you know this woman is ALWAYS on her phone (she has an obsession with a dice game online) so stop acting you don't know what is a phone, she knows this was making me lose patience and i end looking like the one having anger issue. it was a form of weaponized incompetence and stonewalling.
-when she came back from her holidays we asked her about her experience, she just said "good alcohol" (i always thought alcohol would make her even more awful btw) but it's only when she saw i had my earphones on, i was writing, reading anything she would suddenly wanting to talk to me. as if she didn't want us to have not our attention on her, when we run after her she ignores, when we do our life she impose us to care about her. the moment she opened her mouth i felt uncomfortable, because she was criticizing every woman for no reason. some women were polite by bringing food to the gathering and she was mocking them calling them boot licker? criticizing a teen saying she was not to her taste, but would play nice in their faces. you know usually my mom often displays pick me and misogynist behavior.
-finally today she wanted to go to the movies. she said "i wanna see stuff and if you are interested join me!" i was really happy that my mom finally includes me in something, so i accepted.
everything starts well right? lol. she listed 2 movies she was interested in and asked if i had a preference, i said i was okay with both bc tbh i already saw both earlier. she immediately screamed "what?! guess imma go alone then" on loop, but why??? why excluding me suddenly i said i was joining?? i said "i just wanted to share a day with you but looks like i'm bothering now.." and she replied the usual "I'M JOKING OMG WE CAN'T JOKE NOW?" for you to have some context her saying that doesn't appear as a joke, because she constalently exclude me on a daily, playing only with my sister, going to the movies together not waiting for me, listening to her interests not mine and her humor is based on belittling everyone, mocking their fears.
then just to make a new issue she was like "i couldn't guess you saw it already!" i never complained about that i said it was fine for me? i should have lied if i knew she would make a fuss of it.. i said chill "no problem at all it's because i didn't tell you" (i mean you never listen to me so) and she said "yes you said it i just forgot ok???!!" completely lying, i said "no i never told you" angry, she insisted again?? it's like she wanted to play the poor old woman with memory issue and i'm just rude, i didn't get why lying about my own actions? we both know i never said it.
then we checked the movies schedule and it was really late, so we tried to discuss it was better to go tonight or tomorrow, and my mom was insinuating things but wouldn't said her demands clear. she oftens do that then pretend she never force anyone but if you choose the wrong options she will make passive aggressive comments on loop. she was like "sighh we can't see both today..." so i was like then let go tomorrow. and despite aggreeing she would later try to mess again with my mind an then say she doesn't mind what day, well shut up if the decision is taken?? i was angry at her not being able to form her needs like a grown person and she asked what was wrong i told her, she then said i was the one complaining about being sad not being able to see both movies, i was like?? she projected her own words onto me?? once again she was the one making me the villain and her the poor one, the convo was simple she made it a nightmare, i lose all my energy after talking and i want to cry, it's really complicated to explain, but it's like making 2+2 and someone will make you believe your 2 is wrong and it's actually and X and and and wow.
