Life feels so hard for me. I can't find peace anytime. I’m not attending classes properly, always running here and there to avoid people due to social anxiety. I haven't made any friends, and those who want to be friends with me, I don’t like them. At home, arguments happen every 3 to 4 days between my parents over small things.
My sister and I have no one except our parents. Our relatives are toxic; they always comment on us because our parents don’t have a son. I’m sure my parents also think about it, even if they don’t show it. All our relatives believe that having a son is like having a treasure for the future because he will take care of his parents when they get old, while daughters move on after marriage.
It makes me feel bad for my parents because all their relatives have sons, but they don’t. I can see that my father has to handle a lot—managing his business, looking after my mother, my sister, and me. Yet, we haven’t made them happy even once. We haven’t achieved anything in life. My sister and I are just average in studies. She is also shy and doesn’t talk much.
We don’t talk openly to our father because we are shy. I have social anxiety.
I feel like a burden to them. I wish the Almighty had made me a boy.
My grandmother is extremely toxic. She always speaks badly about me, my sister, my mom, and even sometimes about her own son. She doesn’t like us. She loves her grandsons more than herself, spending thousands of rupees on them. We don’t want her money, but my uncles are stealing my father’s hard-earned money. They have more sources of income than us, yet it’s still not enough for them. My grandmother wants my father’s business to go to her grandsons.
We haven’t even been able to build a comfortable home for ourselves, while all our relatives have their own comfortable houses and bungalows.
Sometimes, I wish I was never born or that I had been a boy.
I used to think that one day, I would get so educated that all my relatives would be silenced. But now, I have lost all my focus on studies.
Everyone else seems so happy in their lives, so why can’t we? We are all under so much stress.
Girl, I've been there. Props to you for being honest about not wanting kids. I went through something similar with my ex and we ended up breaking up, it was hard but worth it in the end. We both found partners who wanted the same things in life. Now, I'm not saying you should break up, but it's important to be true to yourself. It's okay to be unsure, and it's okay to change your mind. Life's too short to live it for someone else
Take your time to figure things out. There's no rush. Your happiness matters too. Who else have you talked to about this?
I've been married for 7 years, communication is key. You and your boyfriend need to have some serious, heart-to-heart conversations about your future. It's okay for you to not want children. It's okay for your boyfriend to want them. What's not okay is living a life that doesn't align with your values and desires. You mentioned joining a reproductive justice group - that's fantastic! Maybe that will help you gain more clarity on your feelings. Remember, there's no "right" path in life. We all have different journeys
Your boyfriend's sadness is valid, but so are your feelings and concerns. Don't let guilt guide your decisions
@Lauren Young you're absolutely right about communication being key. I learned that lesson the hard way. My ex and I broke up because of misunderstandings and lack of clear communication. It's so important to have those tough conversations, even if they're uncomfortable. I wish we had talked more openly about our hopes and fears for the future. Maybe things would have turned out differently. But hey, that's life, right? We live and learn. To the OP, please take Lauren's advice, talk to him in depth about this
@E.J Thank you for sharing this. You're right, addressing these issues head-on is crucial, even if it's scary. Megan, I want to add that it's okay to take your time to figure things out. Don't rush into any decisions, but also don't avoid the tough conversations. It's a delicate balance, I know. Have you considered couples counseling? Having a neutral third party can help facilitate these difficult discussions.
it took me a long time to figure out what i really wanted. it's great that you're being honest with yourself and your bf about your feelings. that's the first step towards finding clarity. you're not being selfish by considering what you want out of life. having different views on major life decisions like having children can be really challenging in a relationship. there's no rush to make a decision. take your time to really think about what you want. and know that whatever you decide, it's okay
10 years is a long time to be with someone. It's totally normal to have doubts and questions, especially about big life decisions like having kids. I've always known I didn't want children, and it definitely caused some issues in past relationships. But it's better to be honest now than to regret it later. Your boyfriend's feelings are valid too, but so are yours
What do you want from life, separate from your relationship? Do these dreams really align with your current situation?
If the answer to the last question is no, well..it's time ti rethink your relationship and make a decision. Keep in mind that you don't have to make a decision right now, but don't put it off until later either, as the uncertainty can wear you down
@Cinderella I want to live independently for a while but I don’t want to live 10 hours away from my family. I just want to achieve my dreams
@megan kohler Living independently can be a great way to discover yourself and grow as a person. Your partner should support your goals, even if they don't perfectly align with their own. Take some time to really envision what your ideal life looks like in 5 or 10 years. Does your current path lead you there? If not, what changes would you need to make? Don't be afraid to make tough decisions if they're in service of your happiness and fulfillment
i can't stress enough how important it is to really listen to each other. sometimes we hear what we want to hear, or we're so focused on getting our point across that we miss what our partner is really saying. try to approach your bf's opinion with an open mind and heart. you don't have all the answers right away. these big life decisions take time to figure out. don't be too hard on yourself if you're feeling confused or uncertain
@Francisco yep, but listening is a skill that needs practice. I want to add that it's also important to be honest with yourself. We stay in relationships because they're comfortable or because we're afraid of change. But in the long run, that can lead to resentment and unhappiness. If leaving means choosing yourself, then by all means do what's best fo you
First, I want to commend you on your honesty. It’s a lot easier said than done but recognising and acknowledging your feelings is something not a lot of people can do.
I broke things off with my recent ex partner because he wanted kids and I didn’t. I love kids, I work with kids and think they’re the joy of life but they’re not the joy of MINE. I don’t want kids because I’m in the process of re-parenting myself and healing my inner child. I don’t want kids because the state of today’s world scares me, and I don’t want my kids to experience the same traumas I did growing up. I also value my independence.
Opinions are things you can compromise on, lifestyle changes and especially KIDS aren’t. Don’t be pressured into doing something you don’t feel is true to your heart. It hurts and it sucks, but it’s better to heal and live in that truth than to force yourself to believe a lie. It’ll only hurt you and cause a rift between you and your partner.
If you haven’t, I encourage taking time to re-evaluate your relationship. Is this something you want to continue pursuing or do you believe it would be best to split? It’s never easy, and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours. My heart goes out to you.
Trust your gut. No one knows what your heart really wants but you. You have the opportunity to make your life better, and that's the beautiful thing about relationships - they make your life better. If they don't, it's time for a change. What does your heart tell you?
Hey there, friend. I've been childfree by choice for years now, and it's been a journey. It's tough when society expects you to want kids, right? But it's YOUR life. You get to decide what you want it to look like. It's okay to not want kids. It's okay to be unsure. What's not okay is pressuring yourself into a life you don't want. You two need to have a heart-to-heart about your future goals. It might be painful, but it's better to address this now than years down the line
I went through something similar with my ex-partner a few years back, and I wanted to share my experience with you. Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't, but I hope you find sme comfort in knowing you're not alone
So, my partner and I had been together for about 8 years when we hit this crossroads. We were both in our late 20s, and suddenly the topic of kids became this huge elephant in the room. I knew I didn't want them, but my partner was set on having a family. Aaand this invisible wall suddenly appeared between us. At first, we tried to avoid the topic. We'd change the subject whenever it came up, thinking if we ignored it long enough, it'd go away. But it didn't. It just kept growing. We'd be out with friends who had kids, and I'd catch my partner looking at them with this longing expression. It broke my heart because I knew I couldn't give him that
We started arguing more. Little things that never bothered us before suddenly became huge issues. It was like we were both frustrated and taking it out on each other. I remember one night, after a particularly bad fight, sitting on the bathroom floor and just crying. I loved this person so much, but I felt like I was holding them back from the life they wanted. I started to question everything. Was I being selfish? Should I just have kids to make my partner happy? But then I'd imagine actually having a baby, and this panic would set in. I knew in my heart I couldn't do it
We decided to take some time apart. Not a breakup, just some space to think. It was hard, really hard. I missed him like crzy. But it also gave me time to really think about what I wanted in life. During that time, I talked to friends, family, even a therapist. I realized that not wanting kids didn't make me a bad person. It's a valid choice, and pretending otherwise would only lead to resentment down the line
When we got back together, we had more talks. Lots of them. We discussed compromise maybe adopting an older child someday, or being the cool aunt and uncle to our friends' kids. We talked about what our life could look like without children, traveling, focusing on our careers, having the freedom to pursue our passions. In the end, we decided to split, because we really did want different things in lfe, but this decision was easy on both of us, we are friends now and I'm feeling happier than ever by myself for now
@erin That's exactly why I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. We were so in love, but the kid thing was always there. I knew I didn't want kids, but she was all about having a big family. We tried to ignore it for a while, thinking maybe one of us would change our minds. But that never happened. We talked about it a lot, tried to find a middle ground, but there really isn't one when it comes to kids. You either have them or you don't. I know breaking up was the right choice. We're both happier now, living the lives we want. It's better to face these big issues head-on, even if it hurts
@erin Oh man, I felt that guilt big time. There were days when I'd look at my ex and think, "Am I being selfish? Should I just give in?" But then I'd imagine actually having kids, and it felt so wrong. It took me a good six months to start feeling okay after the breakup. The hardest part was dealing with family and friends who didn't get it. They kept saying things like, "You'll change your mind," or "But you'd be such a great dad!" That stuff really messed with my head for a while
@Gregory McGuire wow, crazy how similar our experiences are. No matter how much you love someone, some differences are just too big to ignore. I remember feeling so guilty, like I was the one holding my ex back from the life he wanted. Did you ever feel that way?
It's tough because society puts so much pressure on us to follow this "normal" path of getting married and having kids. But what if that's just not what we want? I'm glad you were able to make that tough decision too
How long did it take you to feel okay after the breakup? You're right, facing these issues head-on is so important. Better to deal with the pain now than live a life that doesn't feel true to who you are
@Gregory McGuire those "You'll change your mind" comments are the worst, right? Why can't people just respect our choices?
For me, the tough days were really tough. I'd second-guess everything, wondering if I'd made a huge mistake. But I found that keeping busy really helped. I threw myself into work, even took a solo trip to Europe. I got to rediscover who I was outside of that relationship. I'm curious, how do you handle dating now? Do you bring up the no-kids thing right away?